Summary 2010

Summary of the year, well don't expect much out of this post, some are recap of summary months i made while some i made it today because there wasn't much in it or there isn't one. Some "month title" has a link to it's original post, if you wish, you can go check on them.


January 2010


1. I managed to meet new friends.
2. I enjoyed filming and taking pictures each passing week.
3. Continued "WHIC?".
4. Wargamed at Junior's place with Marcus.
5. First time went with only girls to karaoke - Chew Theng, Elaine & Yik Yee.
6. Skipped maths class, went shopping with Kim, Marcus & Junior, Junior soon left.
7. Posted 方大同 - 三人遊 twice without noticing until now, maybe had suspected.
8. Went karaoke again to celebrate Winnie's birthday.
9. Spent one night at Marcus' place assembling miniatures, watched a movie when Kean Hoe came.
10. Almost hit the rear end of someone's car because of my emotional state, yeah it's where things start to get unbearable.
11.  AS result came out was moody about it(not as moody as when A2 result came).
12. Thanked Everyone.


February 2010


1. Dinner at TGIF with a couple of friends, paid by Mr. Aria.
2. Loitered alone at the Curve.
3. Celebrated Chew Teng's birthday in Tort class.
4. Gambled, visted relatives and friends during CNY holidays.
5. Still emotionally stressed, it never leaves ya that's for sure.
6. Went 'bai nian' with college friends during the last few CNY days.


March 2010


1. Thankful for having friends and family that cares about me.
2. Accepted offer from Kim to work at Edu Fair, first time working.
3. Mind says 'I'm through with her", Heart says 'we'll see'.
4. Studied how to wargame more intensively.
5. Study, study and more study.


April 2010


1. Sad about my brother's failure to get engaged.
2. Surprised about Jo Ann's surprise birthday celebration even though i knew it, surprisingly.
3. First time writing at a cafe.
4. Identity crisis too.
5. First time writing at a train.
6. Progressed on wargaming and dancing.
7. Learned more about life and myself.


May 2010


1. I watched great movie - Gran Torino(Recommended)
2. I was a cameraman for my brother on the day his registration in marriage.
3. I'm beginning to do sit ups and pumping whenever i can.
4. I played only a few games this month which is a surprise for me.
5. I am pretty screwed up in college(Anti-social + insensitive)
6. I pathetically confessed about my love which made me do 5(still trying to cope with it now).
7. I only memorized cases for my exam (which i had regret til this day).
8. I became a fan of Perfume.
9. I became a music searching program for Kim's weird mixed taste of music(for a period of time only).
10. I built some miniature models with some that i share with Marcus and Junior, waiting for more.
11. I first time slept for 12 hours and haven't eaten for 15 hours.
12. I first time studied for more than 10 hours outside of my home with a few others.
13. I ate at Las Vacas with two older brothers, yummmmy.
14. I first time studied alone at a cafe called Kitchen Creatures(thanks to Marcus) for just measly 3 hours.
15. I'm growing my hair to shoulder length.
16. I saved a fly that was drowning in my Old Town Enriched Chocolate drink.


June 2010


1. Finished last two papers of A2.
2. Immediately after that, Karaoke session, some technical problems.
3. Kim and Chew Theng reminded me that i fear their uber-skills in singing.
4. BBQ dinner at Junior's place, aimed at grouping together Jan & March intakes (which we eventually did, it was the starting point).
5. Stayed at his house afterwards (was the last time ever since).
6. Later went roaming around with him at the area for gundam stuff.
7. paranoid with planning a trip for college friends.
8. Misc. stuff with myself and family throughout the month, which means emo-ed alot.


July 2010


1. Got my first car.
2. Went to Kuala Selangor with it.
3. Went to Mid Valley alone for taking scenery pictures.
4. Wrote a story which i don't think i'll continue on it.
5. Emo emo emo and emo some more.
6. Celebrated birthday for July people with college friends.
7. Got a great present from Marcus and Junior, thanks again.
8. Celebrated my birthday with family and went to Genting Highland afterwards.


August 2010


1. Finished my brother's overly due wedding ceremony video.
2. Visited my cousin to look at her newly born son at a hospital at Damansara.
3. Went to Penang, that's probably my last time ever sulking over past love (reduced only).
4. i finally got my teeth examined and repaired my stained teeth.
5. Gotten used to not going out with friends.
6. did go through the subject of "True Friendship" ever since, not anytime soon.


September 2010 (gotten hits like for no reason)


1. Classes started, friends changed, i'm back to square one, similarly only.
2. I've officially stopped regularly making WHIC episodes (haven't made any ever since).
3. My mum successfully got her failed kidney removed.
4. Busy with prom works/studies.
5.Tied in a game with Marcus, considered a remarkable achievement for me (haven't another match ever since).
6. Continuously talked to a girl (it only lasted less than two months or so)


October 2010


1. Sprained my knee during my first badminton session with college buddies.
2. Climbed almost to the top of Broga Hill, first experience in climbing, first to vomit in front of my friends in midst of climbing, love it anyways.
3. Get to be more close with a few friends, i think (just maybe a few inches close).
4. still busy with prom work.
6. I went to get my acoustic guitar refurbished, probably going to start practicing again (only occasionally).
7. Haven't progressed in wargaming much due to having a life but have painted a few things.
8. My studies still seem mediocre despite constant assignments piling up, will try to do better (getting better).
9. Played a few games, liked most of them.
10. Started playing Backyard Monsters probably this month but have to thank Yannie for getting me addicted.
11. Missed dancing and moving around properly (still am).


November 2010


1.Worked for prom.
2. Practised dance for prom
3. Sprained my knee for the second time during practice, yeah i didn't tell anyone.
4.Acted for prom.
5. Helped at the prom set up.
6. Had one of my dreams come true, performed on a stage in front of an audience.
7. First time put make up, really irritating when put on eyes, by a girl, continuously used hands, really uncomfortable.
8. Looked awesome during the prom.
9. Loved the dresses the girls wore that time.
10. Sent back a girl and went home reallll tired.
11. Criticisms and happenings related to prom.
12. gave kopi money to corrupted cop, which makes me corrupted too.
13. got slightly hit by a car at the back.
14. painted two drones.
15. watched RG Veda & Trinity Blood.
16. tried to claim expenses made for prom, from Mr. William, two times, failed so far.
17. one last gathering with Prom Committee at KLCC's Dessert's Bar, haven't seen most of them since then.


If you haven't noticed i put tids and bits of what i currently think of something happened and commenting on it. But anyhow, i still do a December summary.


My December 2010 Summary




1. Studied more intensively and more attentive in lectures.
2. Watched Zetman manga, really dark story.
3. learning After Effects, kinda.
4. made a cover song, made my family and i laughed at it.
5. met Kanimoli who came back from England and Kin Sin & Joanne again and ate at Ding Tai Fung with others.
6. went to Genting for no serious reasons.
7. spent most of my either playing flash games at Kongregate.com or doing my assignment.
8. gotten really emotionally stressed at some point in time, but able to release through blogging and time.
9. didn't officially/truly celebrate Christmas, when did i ever.
10. Made okonomiyaki with brothers during Christmas day.
11. Sadly, didn't attend to Geraldine's open house, again, sorry.
12. Celebrated dad's birthday with whole family.
13. Spent New Years with whole family.


Thoughts and feelings about 2010.


  Looking through the months and summarising them again(used about 3 hours) had made me realized that, i have grown cold to the world around me, becoming more of a realist and an opportunist. Who knows? i may change again, next year i'll become a nature loving hippie. Even though my mind is different, the outside of me remains the same, the only difference is that i would take different decisions from before. Looking at another side of the world doesn't necessarily change how it works.


  It's amazing how naivety ends this year, never thought that i'll lose it but then again, who's expecting it. Anyhow, i'm making no sense, i'll just say that so many things have passed, not just once but constantly, it'll definitely lead you to the path where everyone is going, to stray from it is just like denying how you digest food.


 And if you look more broadly, my 2010 can be separated to three arcs, first arc would be from January to June, story of me going through a crush that pushed me to the breaking point which is the crude confession, and then the ending story for A-Levels. The second arc would be from June to September, where it is the story of me struggling to cope with the life without friends, almost literally. And the final arc and it's from September to the end of the year, it tells the story of how life is so different from the first two arcs and the events that had changed his view on friends, forever. 


  From love crazed to.. well, still love crazed but more in a controlled manner than before, from close friends becoming hi-bye friends, from family problems to personal problems. Jeez, and i'm here thinking my life is boring.


  Well, that's about what i can to 2010, i don't reall like him but he certainly let me experienced a lot of things while some of it unwelcomed, but he definitely helped me to grow and move on the last few times we meet. However, again, it is time for me to bid you farewell, you've been a great year.

2011, think you can beat 2010? Well, we'll know in time.

This is Jake, wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

Fool.

Also indicates i follow this woman's blog.

feeling better, probably. [Long post]

I didn't truly celebrated Christmas, being a Buddhist and all, my family don't. Don't have friends to celebrate with, didn't want to contact any of them, especially my high school friends. College friends are far from my reach, they have their friends to celebrate with. So i spent most of the playing games and doing my assignment during the time. Kinda sad, isn't it, but i was expecting it, the friends i wanted to spent Christmas with were either all over the world, literally, or have other friends and family to spend with.

Yeah that's the downside for not having any friends close to you, either in terms of friendship or between each other.

I didn't went to Geraldine's open house, sorry if i lied to any of you, but being sick was just an excuse, i was still able to go regardless of it but i chose not to. I didn't felt as much guilt as i thought i would. 

I pondered of whether to go for a long time, the thought of going there was redundant was immense, even though it meant disappointing some people, especially the person who invited me. The opportunist and pessimist in me started to ask questions.

The loneliness consumed me and i really didn't want to. 

I hate driving alone, especially long distances.The thought of going there just to attend it, seemed like it won't make me any happier, at the time of deciding i already felt empty, going there would probably make it even worse. Everyone there has someone, either their loved ones are there, or they have close friends at there. I can't even fit in with friends i known longer. i just don't belong with Year 2 friends.

If possible, pass this on to Geraldine for me, i apologize for not informing her. and i'm sorry if i disappointed anyone who was expecting me to come, i just couldn't come with a frown in my heart.

Readers, you probably wouldn't understand why i over think about feelings, not even i, myself can comprehend  about it.

Sometimes, no, all the time my feelings get fired up for tiny bit of reasons.

Controlling it from the outside is easy, mentally, it's near impossible.

I guess from scientific point of view, feelings are much more of a subconsciousness, so it's not possible to control feelings, same as trying to control the pumping of your blood from the heart.

Hmm, if i can think like rationally, probably means i'm feeling better than what is expressed in previous posts.

I would say don't mind me but heck do i know who is, yeah using blog as a method of expressing is the same as thinking out loud with people listening to you, not in the sense "loud" but mumbling to yourself kind of thinking, you know someone heard you but you don't know if that person had really cared. Believing is just a form of self-comforting, something that you think is fact but without prove of it's existence.

I just like to be as honest as possible here for i want people to learn my true side of me. Not a lot of people know me, only a few people are close to me, so even less would understand me. Through blogging, i hope that changes something, even without a doubt, after reading it, the interactions between me and you remains unchanged, but what definitely changes is the way you think about me.

Stating that "nobody understands me" is wrong too because i don't let people understand, in terms of when it's not here. It is also not true to say i'm the quiet type, i'm merely being selective when it comes to conversations, i'd only talk if i have something to add or correct. When i don't talk, it means i am either uninterested or unable to get into the conversation. But either way, i spend more time observing and commenting it to myself, or i would just suddenly doze off and think of something entirely different, in other words daydream or fantasize about something.

However, it is a habit i understand yet i dislike it so much. I would say that i want people to understand me but more than that, i want to understand other people. With such habit, it's unlikely to happen, unless someone like Junior comes around, i would only know my friends.

In the sense that i know only the surface of them, but the surface can tell a lot about a person, even personalities. But what you can't tell is after that, deep thoughts and feelings. Somehow with friends, i could never go any deeper without putting any effort in real life. There's a point in time i thought friends that have read my blog, would basically get closer, bond as i would continuously state. Reality never really works with what you think reality should work like, that would be a fictional world.

Though i wouldn't guarantee how much people will understand about me after reading my blog, because the few of them would never talk about it, probably it's because it's sensitive, or more likely it's weird to suddenly talk to each other about something like this when we never actually spoken much. But i definitely know how deep i'm writing, throughout my posts, i only wrote as deep as to my general thoughts and feelings, except for that one period of time, i would never write about more intimate feelings for someone directly, because again it's creepy, but if it was a girl who wrote like that, nah i guess it's fine. There's also my family background i don't write too deep about or comment on, hey, i just respect my family and would never dishonour it.

Then again, as far as the blogs i have followed, nobody has truly written about themselves. Please forgive me for having to say this but i generally don't read what happens to you, what trip you went to, where did you go shopping, what movie you watched, opinions of news and worshipping celebrities... and a bunch more general stuff. As i said before, this are things you would be able to tell if somebody asks you in real life. Unless you want to promote something, it's a whole different purpose of your blog and it's entirely fine with whatever you have posted. 

i generally think blogs are like journals which you talk about something special, no? I guess blogs are a place for most people to dump their crap in it.

What i do read about are serious or unique or special occurrences, things that don't usually happen, things that happens once in a lifetime, things that you that will either make you so happy that you cried or things that make you so sad, you emo all day long.

The other thing i find to be even rare would be my style of writing, just among the blogs i follow, when they post about feelings or thoughts, it's most likely really conspicuous or confusing because you don't want to be direct but rather, you want to be as indirect as possible that anyone reading won't know what's going on. Basically i just skip it when i read something like, but most of the blog posts aren't as long as mine so i tend to finish them in a couple minutes. I'm complaining, but doesn't mean you have to change and more direct in your post, i understand that people can't be too open about themselves, so being conspicuous is natural, you only want release it into words. I can't say i'm open because there are still things i keep to myself, although the things i still keep are just impossible to say. I can pretty much say without being too direct that, some of the blogs i follow, i would rarely look into, and judging from what i have said, you know who it is when i'm saying, mainly everyone.

The point is that, with all said, although i would know what's happening, i'm unable to understand anyone any better with such posts. More or less, when you update your blog, it just indicates your still living your life, that's all. In a way, this a selfish view point, mostly likely it's only me who's complaining. So don't mind me, not being sarcastic but there are other's who really are interested in what you like and dislike, what you were eating or where you were going because there are people who misses you and wants to know how you are doing. I'm just being lazy because i try to understand you here rather than trying to understand you real life.