19 July 2014

Restarting, replaying, rethinking weekends.

When's the last time, 4 or 5 months ago? Doesn't matter. I got out of my study life,  in most circumstances, gladly and finally.

But I find myself questioning what I should be doing now then. From now on, there shall be no such things as having classes on weekends, no lectures, no classmates, no breaks.

If there's one thing that's somewhat obviously a saddening truth, is that your friends are all over the places. It's going to be very difficult to find a convenient reason to hang out, to simply put at it.

Since, I never really express the desire to strengthen our friendship, especially amongst the female companions. I don't see how a "do you want to hang out?" would be appropriate now. Regrettably. Often I believe the time consuming and overall importance of such a request is too much.

With my personality, I can't really do anything about it but it is exactly because of that, I don't like my weekends.

My nephews come over on weekends, it is not that I don't like them, in fact, they are very precious little families. But, the thing about introverts and peace loving people, it's very exhausting and stressful to just be in the whole environment.

And I can't tolerate it forever, due to reasons, my parents have to help care for them. To which I'm in a dilemma, my parents are not how they used to be, and because of the "reasons", their hands are tied until for an indefinite time.

For this very circumstances, I always want to go out on weekends but always felt guilty about it.

Am I wrong to feel this way? To think I'm still not ready and have no desire to help relieve some of these from my brother and parents?

I still have a genuine wanting of exploring, socialising or just being free to do what I like. But it's like there are invisible shackles chaining down on me, unchaining them only pains me further.