28 August 2010

Island of Food

  

IMG_000525th August 2010, went to Penang since my parents complained about that we haven’t went for a vacation together for a long time. Well, there you have it, i’m offline blogging this post. [Picture from top: My second brother, Max, his soon-to-be wife, Siu Yun, my Eldest brother, Kah Leong, my mum, Kah Leong’s wife, Sim and my dad]

As usual, trips mostly means = eat a lot of delicious and famous food, so to no surprise the first thing we did on the island is eat a place at some road called Bangkok Lane which the place is famous for it’s Penang Mamak Mee, seen Indians talk in Chinese? Yeah? Well have you seen Indians talk in Hokkien? Not really. What’s Mamak Mee? It actually looks like Rojak Mee but the cook fried it but at the at the same vigorously toss and turn the wok around. They used some special sauce for it too, not really spicy and not really sweet but the taste is unique. 

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Later, we went to the place we’re gonna stay for two nights, a TNB bungalow near Batu Feringghi just beside the beach. I didn’t do much when i reached there cause i immediately took a snooze for like 3 hours before realizing everyone else went to the beach already.

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Just woke up look. 

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A very sunny day.

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A shady place to rest.

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You can also have a ride on a trained horse for 20-60 bucks, depending the business they did on that day.

Overall, an ok day, we ate at the busy Gurney place during that night. Had all sorts delicacies to eat but over eaten. Went a little bit of shopping, went a little bit of night market walk. And that’s pretty much it. What really bugs me though is that there’s couples everywhere we go, heck, there’s already three in my family. Reminding me that i’m still single and about the things i hate about being single. Well, the only thing that kept me from being annoyed by that matter is that i listened to music during most of the time. It’s the only thing keeping my mind occupied i guess, not to mention there’s no internet where i’m staying.

Sometimes i wonder if being single is harder than having a relationship with someone, because it’s not easy to stop thinking about someone and say that it’s not love but you’re actually just feeling lonely.

26th August 2010, time was fully used on going almost everywhere on the island, but actually most of the time we used on shopping today, went to the new Komtar for quite sometime in the afternoon, Max was searching for teddy bear for Siu Yun’s convocation, took a whole 3 hours shopping, and i bought a pair of shoes there too, my shoes were really worn out i guess but it only stayed with me less than two years.

IMG_0018For lunch we went to some place i have no idea how my brother got us there but was famous for it’s Char Kuey Teow. The best things about this dishes is that they come with three huge prawns, but for me, i’m not really into prawns so i’m not sure what’s so special about.

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Oh, but the guy that’s responsible for cooking it looks cool, he wore goggles while frying them noodles.

IMG_0029Before going to Queens Bay Mall for another go of shopping, we went to the snake temple too. Sadly they were closing, and i realized some of the snakes were just put over there as oppose of the truth that the snakes came to the temple themselves. But there are still some that really came by themselves, just sad about this has been totally made to attract tourists while ironically tourists are the cause of the dwindling number of snakes to voluntarily come to the temple.

Well upon night time and after Queens Bay Mall(i bought another pair of shoes!!). We went to have dinner at some restaurant near the ferry port, it’s actually built around a really old tree so you could see tree trunk and roots crawling on the walls, quite creepy in fact. A word of caution though, this maybe superstitious, the place hasn’t been renovated and seems they just let the roots and vines grow on the walls, only covering them with red cloths. But a lot of people go there so you won’t feel too much of the creepiness of that place and the food there is cheap considering it’s a “Dai Cao” or meaning you eat in a chinese family style. Plus i think the rice is free of charge, you can have extra without paying more.

This is the last night i’m spending here, i don’t really want to talk about Ipoh which is tomorrow since it’s mostly just more about eating. Overall, this Penang trip is good one, albeit i’m moody but you can truly see what is unique about the place when you travelled half of the island. You can see all types of civilisation; the peaceful Batu Ferringhi, industrial areas around Queens Bay and the busy streets of George Town. But one thing’s for sure is that if you know how to speak in Hokkien, it’ll really help you, like a lot. Not much on the “Penang Beauty” though, maybe it’s just my luck but i didn’t get to see a lot of them, next time i guess.

and thanks for reading thus far, i enjoyed writing it in a promoting style. While on the whole trip, i’ve also took videos and pictures so check my facebook if i get to upload them. I can now see that there’s a lot of work to be done once i’m back home, this three weeks will be full of activities such as prom planning and video editting and effectively filling up my three weeks left of holidays.

Oh, i guess by the time i upload this post, it would be on Saturday, so happy birthday to Kim too, hahah.

22 August 2010

Finally, a post that's actually "normal".

The computer's back online, i'm happy about it but part of me still remain shameful of it. Why? Although the lightning was the cause of the motherboard's destruction, i was the one who is responsible for it. I was suppose to have pulled the plug that connects to the computer when the rain was getting bad, i did, or so i thought.

In my memory, i definitely remember i bend down to the floor and unplug the plug, but after some sparks, it proved me wrong. I'm starting to think that, because of my emotional self, i could not focus on tasks given to me. Because of this, i caused trouble to the people around me. I'm not sure how am i gonna solve my problem, maybe you're right, i shouldn't think too much about friendship, love and all that confusing crap, just believe in them i guess, why's it so hard to do?

Well, anyways, when my brother came back, the first thing he wanted to do was go to Low Yat and get a new motherboard. Some where inside me, says he wasn't just doing this for himself. I did the best i could to help him of course, but even then i don't think it was enough to cover the 350 bucks costs for it and the trip to there and back home. Sometimes i wonder why am i so blind and clueless.

If anyone doesn't remember because of the pointless posts(except for advertising David Choi), i'm a member of the Prom Planning Committee. So far it's getting excited, getting only, since after having a trip down to Renaissance Hotel and having a meeting, factually, we seem to have little progress after a week had passed. Reasons? easy, most of us are just starting to enjoy holidays, who wants to immediately start working on unpaid jobs right after a stressful exam? Not me of course.

One more reason would be the incentive to do so, since it's a voluntary work, i don't think there is much push to work on time, i definitely don't accept the "there's still a lot of time before the prom starts" reason since to be frank, there isn't much free time after the holidays are up and we all have to start having classes weekly, schedules will be packed, stress imposed by assignments and exams, what more can i say? Well, just hope we don't procrastinate too badly.

Well, that's probably just what i can only say, since this prom is gonna be a special one, but since it's special, it's gonna be really really, really, hard to pull off. Honestly though, if we don't push ourselves super hard during this holidays, then we won't even be able to work properly when class starts, making an awesome prom would just be a distant goal.

Videos, finally after today(Sunday), i'll be able to start working on them, for maybe just two days before i have to go to Penang with my family for a couple of days. Sidetracks after sidetracks, well that's my life, destined to become mediocre, i'll just have to accept it. One thing about making the three previous episodes i recently made, is that i'll forever remember how people inside the video, talk, act and behave. But my point is, if you repetitively listen to someone say the same thing again and again, god, you'll definitely scream, SHUT UP, because i have to know what they are talking about so i don't make scenes seemed out of place and make the viewers wonder what the hell they are talking about.

But the good thing about is that it's not really boring to do talk scenes, you learn more about your friends better i guess, and i found quite some interesting behaviours of some of you such as our most often seen friend, Junior, basically he always take the initiative to bring out his ideas but rarely listens attentively as he doesn't exactly know what the person is actually talking about or what the person really meant until the person himself or someone corrects him ie, Marcus/Kim.

Marcus would be the opposite of  Junior, he only expresses his thoughts when it is appropriate and most of the time quietly listens to other ramble and occasionally asks straight to the point questions, though mostly the way he expresses would be through acting with the person next to him or with himself, ie suddenly holding "somebody's" hand or act like some foreign dude.

Through the videos, i know my friends, they all have their unique individuality, Kim the girl who's a narcissist, occasionally 'hyperactive' but definitely has that sweet and cheery aura about her. Lee Tat the boy that thinks he is a wise man as he has an abundant knowledge on political issues, religious views and really knows how to enjoy a luxurious life. Yik Yee, the girl that has badass and wild spelled all over her. Jo Ann, the girl that knows her way around books, korean bands/groups/artists/anything and somehow, not bad playing around with words and her hidden beauty. See Wei, the girl, that's sometimes quiet, sometimes lovingly, sometimes cheery, sometimes sensitive, but surely an unpredictable one. Bla bla bla bla i put up quite a few already, don't shout at me if i didn't mention you because it's 5.23AM and i'm hallucinating.

Perhaps, it's their way for them to be uniquely part of this group of friends, this community, this life. No one's ever boring, no one's ever bad, they only are when you view them as such.

How am i now, well for starters, i'm still single and i virtually don't have a lot of friends to hang out, but i'll probably still live my days, i still have my family but more importantly, i still have myself, i don't know what am i gonna do if i ever lose myself, hahah. Well, that's just right now i guess, i'll spend my holidays pretty much with my family and i, don't matter, even if it stays like this for a week, a month or even a year, i'm still living, and technically, i still have friends, even though we're not by a lot of chance, going to be close,
but,
we're still friends.

Happy Holidays to all.

21 August 2010

David Choi - Always Hurt






Always Hurts



Im feeling scared
cuz Im falling in love with you
But you dont care
cuz you dont know how I feel

I dont want to give my heart to someone new
Ive been there before and its my heart she tore in two

Can somebody please stop me,
From falling for this girl
I dont want to have to go through love again
Cuz it Always Hurts

Its hard to look away
when you say the things that you say
I try to be so cold
but you melt the chill away

I dont want to give my heart to you
cuz Im afraid of what will happen
and the things that youll do, oh

Can somebody please stop me,
From falling for this girl
I dont want to have to go through love again
Cuz it Always Hurts, always hurts
Can somebody please stop me,
From falling for this girl
I dont want to have to go through love again
Cuz it Always Hurts

Oh Im fighting so hard
to keep the feeling inside
But I dont think I can
I wanna hold your hand
this man is afraid of the outcome

Can somebody please stop me,
From falling for this girl
I dont want to have to go through love again
Cuz it Always Hurts, always hurts
Can somebody please stop me,
From falling for this girl
I dont want to have to go through love again
cuz I always end up, always getting hurt

"I'm Always Here" Chapter 1 - Her voice, in my heart.

Well practically i have nothing to do except reading and writing, why not write up a simple love story?

Based on my life, adding with some fantasy in it. For anyone's information, i always use "Jake" as the main character, since legally, i'm not "Jake". So let's pretend he's totally a different guy, perhaps.

Will finish it, maybe.

=============
I'm Always Here
=============


Chapter 1 - Her voice, in my heart


  There was those times, times so gloomy that Jake would gave up reasoning how he should live in it. Being young, he's always trying to see how the world works, but most especially, he wonders how loves works. This is a story, about a teenage's single life.




"...Jake ....Jake". A voice that felt soft and eases Jake's mind. He thought there was an angel calling for him ever so kindly and gracefully but in her voice, but there was an urgency in it. He looked around in a confused fashion, trying to get an understanding where he was. His visions were blurry, he could only make out things like maple trees with it's leaves turning light brown, a simple fountain with a statue pouring out an endless stream of sparkling water, and grasses trimmed ever so neatly that it feels like carpet on the touch of your hands. With only this scenery that he could tell that he was in some sort of park. Beside him, he could also make out another person beside him; they were sitting together on a bench, but there was still a tiny space that separates them. "There's something i'd..". She said softly but Jake could not hear the rest. "wha...?" The only thing Jake could say out as he had a hard time pronouncing words, as though his lips were made of plastic. "I'd like to tell you something... i..." 


*Bang*. There was a strong sensation of pain towards his back as all nerve senses came back to him. It was just a dream. "Jake! you idiot, the teacher's looking straight at you and he seems really pissed." Jake was woken by one of his close friends, Ted. He was back in high school, a fifteen year-old kid.


"You're in so much trouble." Ted quietly whispered as the mathematics teacher approaches. Everyone in the class of course was not in silence, there was giggling around the corners. A lecture on focusing and concentrating on the class began. Jake wasn't able to tell what the teacher was saying since he was still half asleep.


However, there was still something in his mind he keeps wondering, it was different from the others. He remembered every detail about that dream, the feelings, the scenery.. except who the girl was, he could not remember how she looked. He couldn't get the question out of his mind, "Who is she?" . It didn't drove him crazy, it didn't make him unable to sleep or eat. 


He will eventually forget about a silly dream as such, but one thing he didn't know was, the dream remained in his heart, it wanted to know who she was, waiting for the time, for her to become real, because the girl will eventually have the power to decide, whether his heart will break or not.








To be continued...

19 August 2010

I'm sorry.

也许,我只想知道我所为了朋友所做的一却,能被感受到吧。
有这个想法,我错了吗?
我只能去信任我没白费力气吗?


Maybe, i just want to know that everything i had done for my friends, they had felt it.
Am i wrong to have this thinking?
Am i only able to believe that whatever i've done, was not in vain?

Trying to rationalize.

Everytime i get back up in life
Everytime i get knock back down

I'm actually getting sick of being optimistic.
I can tolerate a few bad things happening to my life.
But why do give hope to myself,
when it is simply crushed continuously.

Haven't i given up enough?
Haven't i sacrifice enough?
Haven't i lost enough?

Should i give up on life too?
Why should i?
Should i?

i can't see where i'm heading anymore.
reality is so frustrating, i can't change the path i'm moving on.
No matter how hard i try, thing's just get's worst and worst.

Only the past had kept me moving forward, now even that has been continuously taken away from me. I simply can't take it anymore, anger, shame, guilt, despair, jealousy. Any more emotions i shouldn't be having?

What can't i complain about my life?
Why is your life worse gotta do with me?
How do you compare something as subjective as the human feelings?
Why is it that i'm a guy and because of that, i should tolerate and accept more crap in my life?

Yeah finally, i admit it, i'm angry, i don't know why i am being such a whiner.

Oh i don't know, maybe things aren't so bad, i abandoned my old friends and felt like sh*t, but it's ok, i still some friends left at college, not much but i live with it since it was my decision anyways.

I probably exchanged time working hard on my studies with randomly recording with my camera, and you know what, i got the worst possible results in my exam, but it's fine, i believe in "true friendship", it's gonna be "friends forever", even though i forgot they live pretty far away, i don't socialize much, oh and they have their own life too, i was just living in my own world.

But of course, i wanted to change myself for the better, i told myself to deal with the work i should  and finish what i begun, after that it's gonna be different.

But you know what? i cannot tell any of the above problems to any real person, you know why? it's because i cannot justify them, they were all my doings, it's all my fault, complaining it to anyone would've mean i am ignorant of what i have done and i need to blame something else such as superstitious as my fate.

I have no right to tell anyone this in person,

there are things i can't truly talk about with my family;
except for Marcus spending every brief time with me,
i virtually, have no friends to really talk about those things.
i don't know where i can let out these things in my mind except here.
I'm just that hollow and shallow outside and inside.

i wish there was somebody special beside me.
i wish i wasn't this pathetic.








i wish i could cry right now.

17 August 2010

David Choi - That Girl - Official Music Video - Wong Fu Productions

It relates to my feelings, in a different way




Oh, tonight I'm feeling fine
I'm alone, just wasting time
No Friday movie nights
Or romantic candle lights

I'm just having conversations
With the thoughts in my head
All I hear are angels crying
Oh, won't they just sing instead
It would be wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Honestly, this won't do
How is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
But I know I'm such a fool

I could take it as a new beginning
But you know I don't feel that way
Who will take all this pain away?
I know it's wrong for me to say
I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Talk about a sin
Was the day I walked into the other side
I would run back in
I wouldn't waste no time
I know it's wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life
More than life, Yeah
Love her more than life
Yeah, yeah, yeah

15 August 2010

Forgotten, or not?

You know, i should talk to a friend, i haven't done that for a looong time.
I've almost completely left behind my old life, along with every friend i made in it.
Not a hard task to do, you just need to 'disappear'.
And what of the new life that should be?

I'm not even sure what's true friendship means to me,
i had friends in school,
i have friends in college.
What about friends in my life?

To be really frank towards myself and to the readers,
i technically, only have my family in my life.
Friends are just too far away from me, physically and mentally.
What do i want from them? Do i even have the right to ask this question,
when it feels that i'm a greedy and selfish person just by thinking about it.


I suck at being a friend,
I suck at working hard,
I suck at playing games,
I suck at socializing,
I suck at loving.

I literally just suck at life.
The decisions in life i made, founding out they were mistakes, it doesn't bide well for me, it just seems pointless and a waste of time.

But much more than a fool, i keep making the same mistake, thinking they are not wrong; that there is true friends, friends that sticks with you forever, that love is pure, no strings attached, that what ever i did for others, is going to make our bonds stronger, more willing to sacrifice as much as i did.

Alas, i haven't realize one more thing in my life, that my friends also have friends.
I admit, i'm greedy, i want more than just your acknowledgement of my existence,
i wanted to be someone special to you, that's why i make senseless attempts to achieve that.
But my attempts seemed insignificant, i could never achieve something as measely writing long deeply thought out posts or highly time consuming videos i've made.

At the end, the only thing i wanted in my life, was trying to make my life worth while for yours.

And i'm never going to stop trying to make senseless attempts win all your hearts, even if you all think it's really nothing special.

13 August 2010

I guess i just needed a good laugh and a family. I don't know how to 'friends'.

Readers, this is how much thoughts you can accumulate when you're alone in the car, on your way back from a disappointing time. After getting some comfort from my family and watched three hours of Wong Fu Production, i'm feeling fine i guess, but i just want to let it all out in this post, and sadly it had to be post No.200. Why i do this it's because i found out i tend to forget most of the things i write here, mainly the sad parts of my life.


Not gonna say much about my results, just that it was the worst possible combination i have been expecting so i was quite on the downside, really, it was mediocre and just.. bad.


Who to blame but myself, after getting it, i immediately felt regret for those times i could've done better, those times i could have put to more importance in my studies. I felt like i wasted half of the time filming, taking pictures, fooling around, honestly. I put more importance for my happiness in the present rather than in the future.


I should've worried more about my studies, should've focused more on revising.


I immediately felt i have practically wasted all those nights drowned in meaningless loves, aimless feelings, pointless emotions. This time reality hit me hard and good, right at the center of my cranium, i felt stupid and ignorant. I practically laughed at myself when i think about it, how stupid can i get with loving someone that you have no guts to make even a single move and then you hide from. 


Right now, i can definitely say "Screw myself" because i really want to blame someone but i have none. I've made life decisions and i screwed them up. I mean, when reality is not just placed right in front of you, you get smudged with it, you look at it and it keeps reminding how ignorant you were.


When i got home, i literally just.. don't want to talk about it, don't want to look at facebook, don't want to twit. Some part of me was almost died when i realize i was really affected by it badly and was just holding it back in front of my friends.


'Man up,' my mum says, 'you're NOT suppose to be unable to move on, you're a guy.'


Some where inside of me agrees with her and she was right, i'm a guy, i should like forget about doing something wrong right after the next day and move on. Sorry, if that's the case, i'm not ignorant to that extend, i still have some self-awareness about the degree of how important this was to me. Saying A-Levels won't matter when you start on your degree is just the same as saying SPM doesn't matter for A-Levels.


I was furious at myself, letting my parents down like that, realized times were wasted when they are really limited. If i had striven better, i would not be grieving over my mistake because i wouldn't have made such a grave mistake.


Tell me, somebody, anybody, can any of my actions be justified, was it worth jeopardizing my future for something as intangible as friendship and love? Can the reason that i value friends and myself more justify by getting this results? What have i gotten in return for my actions?


Why is every step that i take does not reach for the better but remain at where i began. I do not feel, notice or  seen anything that tells me, the time i have made used for, was worth it.


Was it worth it? I don't know, i just don't know what i'm trying to get out of my friends anymore because they are just friends, nothing more.












PS:Sorry, i need time to think.


PSS:For anyone reading this far, i salute to you all for it. And also i'll be finishing all the videos i have taken and hold responsible for, there won't be any further records of times at college because i simply don't want to do it again. I'll only start a video project if i'm really into it, not having the feeling obligatory work that does not pay and stresses me to do so. WHIC will end at the last time we had steamboat, i hope all who have watched had enjoyed it thus far. Further videos that are made will have towards a purpose in entertainment, rather than sort of just videos of the past.

09 August 2010

There, all better :D [July Summary]

Ignore post below if it gets your attention, just got sick of constant solitude that's all. But i'm a guy, so i'm all better now with some,   'distractions'.

I meant games, what were you thinking about~?

Anyways, internet connection is temporary so i'll just make this a quick July summary, not a special month but a great month anyways.

My July Summary







1.Can't remember first half of it, mostly the usual stuff, stay at home, work on videos, practice dancing, paint some tiny models.

2.Had some outings with college pals, had fun. Missed most of them, some still haven't seen for months, waiting.

3.Bought and built 2 boxes of small people and 3 boxes of small robots.

4.Painting most of the time.

5.Still single for my whole life. Happy and sad about such an acheivement.

6.Spent my birthday with my family, went to 1Station, got drunk, almost wanted to eat durian too. Wished a couple of wishes.

7.Went out with family a couple of times during the weekends, spending more time with them, glad but spending little to no time on friends, a bit sad.

8.Went to Genting after my birthday,  watched some hip hop performances, took some pictures, watched Sorcerers's Apprentice, bad movie, had a good time.

9.Beat by Marcus several times in wargaming, he's really good, will try harder next time, maybe going to train with other people.

10.Been procrastinating on videos lately, will try not to.

waiting

[Written on 8th August 2010]

Or in other words procrastinating, i still have a lot of work to do but i’m too caught with myself, what am i saying? i’m just getting lonelier by second. Right now, it feels like i have little to no friends at all to talk to, things you can’t normally talk about with your family.
Sucks to be me in terms of friends and love right now, i need someone, not you, just someone different. i can’t really separate from what is real and what is just my dreams. My dreams felt so real and cheery, reality feels so empty and easily forgotten.
Don’t worry, i know what’s wrong with me, time will eventually ease the pain and then i’ll forget about it.
Change.

03 August 2010

OneRepublic - Secrets

the only thing that was good about Sorcerer's Apprentice, was that they used this song.

02 August 2010

There was a train, now there’s a hill.

Writing this down at a special place, again. But it’s safe to say that’ll happen once a lifetime, or two. I wrote this in Genting Highland, August 1st 2010.

I can’t i have much to say, nor i have nothing to say. The 18 years old me, had an extraordinary year, the most life changing of all. This year had me struggled to balance between what’s important and what’s desired for me, it helped me reached a milestone into understanding myself and the people around me. At this 18th year, i forced myself to make hard decisions in life, mostly decisions that had dire consequences at the current present.

But all in it’s very essence, it was a year of realization, understanding better about myself by all this actions, reasoning into why i sacrifice time and spirit for others and felt guilt and shame for ignoring help where it is needed most. I could never be as clueless as i was before 17th or any of the years for that matter.

To be honest from a point of view, i have absolutely everything i wanted, it’s just matter of time, more than what i had expected. I believe in “eventually”, ‘when the time is right” and “it is within your grasp”. The first thing i thought i don’t have is someone special to me, i realized it’s really not the case, love is in the air, as the saying goes, although it’s not everywhere for every person, but both she and myself breathe in the same love, it’ll be obvious. I’m just aimlessly breathing in without any effort into finding it and treasuring it.

All in all, i’ll have to conclude my 18th life with a happy ending, sure there’s some bads in it but when i think about it, i have more good times than bad times, when i am able to recall it with technology, it confirms the statement to be true, i am happy with all the things that have happened so far. It was an adventurous one indeed. I have no regrets about not having her as a girlfriend, sure it maybe painful but it’s just not the time nor was it the right one. How am i so sure? When i am so in love with a girl, i’ll sacrifice everything for her, break all the rules that bind me to get her no matter what. Or in other words, i would literally show love to her, and she’ll love me the same way as i do. That’s when the cupid strikes it’s arrow through my heart so hard, i’ll bleed love right from it.

My 18th 31st July, i’ve made friends i’ll love forever, i’ve lost friends i’ll remember forever, i have a family that i’ll die for, i’ve loved a girl that i’ll think about… once in a while.

I love my life, i love you all.