Self-proclamations.
1.Sometimes i think, i, myself, is the root of all my problems.
--I believe my very life itself is the cause of my problems, but it is also my purpose to move forward, i believe one day i'll eventually reverse this, my life will be able to bless not just me but others with happiness.
2. the time i'm most happy is if i only think about others and not myself.
--I constantly and always will be concerned about my life, whether it is about studying, work or love, there's always something i'm not satisfied about myself and i will not stop until someone intervenes in my thoughts. Which is the moment i forget about myself and interact with other people willingly.
3. oh and music makes me happy too :D
--who doesn't like music? It makes a person happy is too general to describe, but it is to say that the emotions that come from music is fulfilling. However, i am not saying music does not induce a person to sad emotions, nevertheless, next to socialising, listening to music is the next best option for me to enjoy my life, in a emotional sense.
4. should i accept the fact that i have an opportunist thinking?
--this is something i just started to ponder upon in 2010, throughout the way i have been feeling and thinking, it is possible i have an opportunist's mind, the fact i subconsciously wish to only do things that benefits me while i expressively detest the things that i do did not benefit me. Maybe i am, maybe i'm not but does it make a difference?
5. just one question, do you love the way between how you study and live?
--i question this a lot, either to myself or onto others. Everyone has their ways and their views of studying so i don't think there's anything certain to it. I myself would say that i view studying as first priority in life, which promptly leads me to strife hard and always told myself that it isn't enough. The way i study would really just reflect on the condition of my life and natural obligations to achieve something in life. I wouldn't say i hate the way i study now, but i would say it is necessary to like studying in order to remain interested.
6. not appreciated and neglected. Well the next time you wont get any firetrucking help from me.
--Just as what it says, there's time when you help someone, you don't get anything from that person, instead you get the cold-shoulder treatment and i hate it when i find out one of my friends is like that to me.
7. is my advice free of charge? yes and no.
--this twit is related to the previous one, as one might asked for something from me, nothing material about it just a word of advice and ideas to the person requesting help. The answer is both yes and no because it much very depends who's asking. I find it most fulfilling to give advice to people who neglected me because it either gives me a sense of looking down on him or think otherwise, maybe his not that bad after all.
8. it's not hard to understand me if you just accept that i'm mentally different from my real-self.
--To put it simply, in my blog, i can write more about myself and talk about anything as to the real me who only speaks when spoken, rarely does the two mentalities or personalities whatever you want to call them, switch places. So if you just accept this 'virtual' and 'real' sides of me for what it is, there's really nothing to worry about. Unless you just wish to deny that there is any difference between myself here and out there, be my guest.
9. doing good deed is beneficial to me, but not pleasurable in any direct sense.
--being a opportunist, i do things any normal kind-hearted would do, simply helping someone with virtually no gain whatsoever in any direct sense would seem ordinary yet suspicious at the same time. But overall it definitely affects something indirectly, and the result of is something good. But in no way is it pleasurable or righteous for me to do. That said, even with that mind set, it is still possible for me to jump in front of a car to save someone, that's the 'type' of opportunist i am.
10. it's irritating to be indirect in order to be polite.
--this is where some traits as a realist and opportunist overlap because being polite is to gain something. yet i'm also realistic about certain issues likes appearances and attitudes; politely lying about it irritates me but i naturally do so anyway.
11. I'm single and I often mention it again and again.
--that is to say, I easily become depressed because I keep denying my feelings and keeping them to myself. What I mainly dislike about this part of myself is that I'm quite the coward to take any kind of action to accept it. Maybe it'll change in time.
