Happy birthday to my-emo-self XD

In the college library now, gonna use 30 minutes to write something since maybe i won't have internet for the next day.

Yup, 31st July, i only realized that i'm turning 18 yesterday night, i was like looking at the mirror in the toilet and said "Hey, i'm about to be the same person again but going to begin another life with it, an 18 years old life.". Even though i would say same but i maybe totally wrong; i was watching my four years of family photos yesterday with my mum and my bro, Max and damn do i look like crap when i was young, not to mention more hyperactive than my current self. Yeah, change happens slowly but but it changes alot more than you think. Though somethings will never change, but other changing myself, i'm also creating new things for myself, like principles and personalities.

Still a bit emo today, heh, i told myself to try to be happy for once but... old emotional habits die hard, eh? Hah, don't worry, today i'll be a 'happy emo'. Going to celebrate with my family tonight at Wong Kok, Kepong Jusco. I want to celebrate with all of them, if possible.

Thanks for all who have wished me a happy birthday, i owe you all a favor the next time i see you, especially the ladies of course, hehe. Oh yeah my wishes? one of them i always wished every year is that everyone will happy and safe and i wish everyone that i know to be always be together with me forever.

Having more time to emo lately.

Feels like my days are getting bored, i seem to still have fun though, it's just that i had felt something was missing; i feel something around my heart is vacant of room, it's empty.

To tell the truth, a single's life, although boring and at my age, is the right thing to be but i kept hurting myself. I feel no matter how close you and your best pal or you and your family is, there's always something they can't do. Everything in this world is two-sided, there's always something you have to sacrifice in order to get what you want. In my case, i'm able to study with almost 80% concentration but sacrificing personal relationships. I'm able to write better and becoming more disciplined but i was unable to just only socialize with people or become braver.

When i look at any girl right now and i mean any girl, you'll see me turning away and look at a distant or just have a complete blank stare at something and, although it maybe just a little, my mind starts filling up with wishful thoughts; my principles and convictions gets in my way, my heart again will start to hurt. I dunno but that's what i will personally feel. I've been feeling like that for as long as i can remember since high school. Sigh, pathetic.

People may envy my conviction for my future life but i envy their conviction for their present life.

I've been writing about my thoughts and less about my daily activities lately because i think it's rather boring and not for the use of personal blogging. If a person really wanted to write about his or her life and make it interesting; writing what time they eat, study or play, what song lyrics or random articles from other websites aren't really making his or her life more interesting when reading their blogs, after reading blogs after blogs i find it repetitive for people to just write about what are they doing for the past months.

You probably can do that anywhere, anytime and tell anyone about it. To my idea of when blogging, it's when only the time you have the chance to express yourself when you can't do it in reality, something that you won't even tell in real life to any person even that you are really close to. Sure maybe one of my friends may have seen my blog and tease me about it in real life, but really, i don't give a #$%&.

Death was nearby, guiding another one.

I was thinking and waiting to write something interesting and it wasn't quite what i had in mind; someone was found dead in one of the neighboring houses. Readers that has strong imagination but weak mentality, you are advised not to continue to read because it may contain words detailing deeper on the event.

Victim: Unknown male neighbour
Age : 26-27
Time of death: Approximately less than 48 hours before being found in his room.
Cause of death: Possible of suicide by overdose of drug.
Reason of death: Unknown

It only happened just after a few hours after i went back home when his family found his body in his own room. First, it was his mother, crying out loud, so loud that most of the nearby houses(including mine) heard the cry for her son. Soon a crowd gathered, the policemen came to inspect, there's also continuous arriving of cars, presumably his family.

After a moment, i heard a loud mourn from his sister; calling loudly to her brother, trying to wake him up. The mother forcefully tried to calm her down, i can almost feel the pain their feeling when i watch from afar, heart burning and full of feelings of sadness. Later the victim's brother and father came. His brother, rushed towards the victim recklessly but still finding him, lifeless. Continuous mourning voices were heard for quite some time before the policemen sent the victim's body to the hospital for autopsy. The father followed, leaving the broken hearts at the scene.

Later that evening, more and more people, especially friends came to visit the sadden family members of the victim. I couldn't stand to watch the tragic scene anymore. It just to show people that doing such reckless actions doesn't end you're suffering, it just creates even more, for everyone close to you. In my opinion, the victim maybe just being too emo about life; i may be emo sometimes but i'll will not resort to actions like hurting yourself or just go beyond that, that's just being stupid and ignorant. No matter how bad my situation might be, death is always NOT an option.

Thinking about the event and imagining it to myself and others is just a horrible feeling. I'll never want to leave anyone and i don't anyone to leave me. To the people that is emotionally or physically bad right now, i hope you'll always think of getting better because i'll always wish for a better change for you all.

MJ & MQ, get better soon

You'll get older but you'll never forget about special moments

I had a good time during the party, a bit different than usual but it's two times better.

lazy to type so i'll just the pictures do the story telling.

Putting the candles

Oh yeah, that day was Jack's birthday, so i was celebrating for the both of us.

We were wishing although it looks like we're praying.

Blowing the candles not bowing

Cut our cakes.

Had a great time.

PS: More pics at my facebook album.

Sad though because college mates couldn't come :(

You'll always go back to the equilibrium.

Just something i wrote days ago, didn't post it because was to tired to finish it.

Heh, seriously though, i can't seem to write anything now, is it maybe because today was so normal that i couldn't think of anything special to write? Nope, on the contrary, things seem to be going so smoothly now, it was not to my expectations. Yup, life's getting better now but i dunno when is it gonna get worse again, hopefully not in the foreseeable future.

Although i said better; it doesn't necessarily mean i'm more at ease or something; it's just that i'm enjoying more with the time i'm using now, it's really hard to maintain a positive mind when things just go not as planned.

These past several weeks have no doubt changed myself continuously even if only a little; in fact, i have been changing all the while right when i was only a child. It's all thanks to everyone that i have met, all of them would either directly or indirectly help in my journey. And mostly i am really glad to have my loving parents and my brothers, without them i could be nothing at all.

Have to give to thanks to all the friends i've made too, especially the high school ones, i treasure the moments even if they thought it was nothing special.



And now, i have another great batch of people in college:Jr, KH, M, MJ, MQ,S,A,T, JA, Ah JnB, K & LT. You all are giving me another beautiful time in life, thanks.

Can't sleep, so it's extras time~

I took a nap after getting back from college, so now i can't sleep after waking in the middle of the night and therefore, giving some extra post.

Writing stuffs about feelings here makes me feel i suck at doing it in the real world, well looking at my situation now, i seem to be less and less social activities since the schedules of my classes are changing constantly. Studying in college has made a great negative impact on my time for friends.

Even though I don't seem to like to be anti-social, it get's really irritating to be unable to have a proper conversation between a friend. And i get really mad about myself for being shy, quiet and unfriendly towards my friend because ...i don't want to but i am just too friggin stubborn to quit being a loner. That's why people say bad habits are not easily to be rid of.

Although there are times that i think i was much more worse in socializing when i was young throughout primary school and high school. To think i was a total loser when i was form 1 to form 3 and now maybe mostly still is. The first girl that i actually considered to have made friends with was not until around the middle time of the year at form 5, yeah i lose in social badly, very badly

Nope, even now i still can't even accept my current situation and myself. I'll always look down on myself but i will always try to do better, as the saying goes "You can't be the very best, you can only be better"

When can you ever say these things?

To tell the truth, i think i have not yet obtain the chance to even talk REALLY deeply about myself with anyone beside with my family. Writing seems to be only other way express myself truly, when did i ever had that kind of chance during my high school times? absolute nigh. For now, let's just see if there is any different about college :\

If i would compare myself with the one before now, my defects and problems are getting lesser by the day.

I had a talked with my mum last night again, i was having trouble putting my time on things like the guitar, dance, drawing and other stuffs that i like to do. She made me realized that the problem is not having able to do all those things but rather focusing on one thing only, i have so many interests in things that i gave myself pressure, etc. no one supports my hobbies to the very end; this gave me pressure to do it on my own.

"Yes, having a lot of interests is really a good thing, it brings flexibility and enjoyment in life but you must put what is of most utter importance in life and what is that? That's education, you like studying too, right? and that's one thing you certainly need to put your mind into first before any of those. That's the first 'pressure' you need to get rid of first and when that is done, you have more time because you are much more free and ease. You don't need to dance or play the guitar to the point of performing on stage, you just want to look good while you're doing it. So only do them once you really have more than enough time to do them since you still have more education to get rid of"

And my mum also helped me realized that putting so much pressure to myself have caused you to have sleeping disorders, i'd always wake up suddenly every hour or so; causing myself to look like an emo.

My Friday - Part 2 - Steaming Night

Continuing from Kepong Station. Another post will come shortly again.

Took a breather for a while with my brother before my mum came to fetch us. Saw Kean Hoe and MQ there too. I can guess that they weren't doing any better than us too cause they took the first train.

It was kind rushed afterward, thought i could have the time to take a nap before going out but actually... no, 5 minutes later Jr. called and immediately, the next thing that happened was that i'm sitting at the restaurant getting ready to eat. Let me see if i can remember the names, May Jean, Mei Quin, Yee Ling, Kean Hoe, Andrew, Thomas, Ah J, Ah B and Jr.... yup.. they are the people that came.

Felt really uncomfortable when Kean Hoe cooked the "living ones"...damn i should not have went there, it's really disturbing and sad. Solely because i have a buddhist heart although i don't strictly follow it as i have said in previous post, still sickening when i think about it. Note to self - never go eat when someone wants to eat 'freshies' rather than not letting them eat them, it's not my way to obstruct people from doing what they like.

Standing almost middle of the road to take this special view.

Didn't went back when my parents came to fetch me, we had some dinner at the nearby food court. Totally tired throughout the day, from the morning to the night i was busy with every minor and major events. Still, i couldn't get a good night's sleep as usual.

Well.. i find it hard to call everyone friends nowadays, in my opinion the word 'friend' shouldn't be so easily used for everyone, in my case if i seriously called someone my friend, i do really mean it as in there is true friendship between us. I have brought this issue for so many times again and again but not because i'm frustrated about it; it's just because i'm just experiencing what true friendship through trials and error. Throwing around the word makes it meaningless like if someone met me and just talked for a few times, does that immediately make him a friend? Not in my book so no his not. It's just more of a friendly talk per se; still not the friend status, just someone i happened to bump into for more than once.

From my encounters of friends, it is almost impossible differentiate them to groups; i can only say what level of friendship can possibly be made with someone depending on major aspects like personalities. It's not right to say you are not compatible with someone when you can't get along with them, it's just..

"if your life string isn't really tangled with the other strings, they'll just become parrallel when you straighten them, unrelated to each other but are going at the same path with each other."

The concept of true friendship is still blurry for me, it's not something easily explained and certainly not something easily obtained. More of this when i continue to learn this concept.

My Friday - Part 1 - Battle in the Train , yes there's more!

Yup i seperated two parts for it, found out it was way longer than i thought. Readers don't need to read all of them since most of them are just what happened Friday.

Ok, here's my version of last Friday which will have some similarity with the "other two" (yeah, you two) while there will also be extra info too.

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What happened on Friday
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Woke up with a huge headache, yup, didn't slept well not because i slept late at night(which i did) but because of anxiety problems(more details on the next post). With the help music, i slept throughout the whole time while riding the train thinking maybe later i will be able to concentrate during maths lesson and i was ...half wrong; my eyes started to become irritated and later went to the toilet and saw the area around my eyes were as dark as an emo, seriously. So half of the time during the class i couldn't open eyes for like every 5 minutes.

Anyways other than suffering from that, saw MJ when i was going to KL Sentral for some KFC with my maths lecturer and classmates; invited me to a steamboat buffet at Kepong with college pals, she was sudden but effective when convincing me to do something when i have no idea what happened. Came back from lunch, managed to learn some binomial crap while tolerating the eyes. Heard, Marcus, Kean Hoe and Andrew talking outside the classroom i'm in, guessed it was breaktime for them. Andrew peeked inside, i think he didn't recognize me because he was just staring and i just stare him back and smiled :).

The class was over but i my brother, Max which he was suppose to be at KL Sentral later so i waited for him. Did some notes for like 45 minutes in the college until he finally came and i waited the train with him. The damn train was delayed for like 45 minutes, made a large lump of people suffocating in the train station. Today ain't really my lucky day, couldn't enter the first train that came, as most people will compare this situations as "canned like sardins". Seems like someone was also having bad luck too, saw MJ right after failing to enter the first train.

Entering the second train was like battle.

Round 1 - Enter Train

Wasn't less crowded as i imagined; my brother and i couldn't enter but there seemed to be still room for both of us and you know what i did? Yup, i forced myself into the train and man... was i feeling embarassed and guilty, i was crushing everyone in the entrance and especially MJ(super sorry leh), before i did it, i thought to myself "Ohhh... please forgive me everyone in the train because of what i am about to do next...".

Round 2 - Stand your ground and survive

Yup, both of us, my brother and i didn't want anymore people to enter since it was already really packed after the next station so at the stop with stand our ground when the door opened. Another reason would be to protect the people inside the train from dying of suffocation. Anyways, we managed to survive all the passing stations, can't say the same for MJ and the others. Both of us bursted out from the train after stopping at Kepong; both of us were panting rapidly and immediately sat on the nearby seats. We thought to ourself "We made it!!"

Now you don't see, later you still don't.

Just some random things about today.

Went to college for maths class, thought today i might bump into people i know since today had business studies class too and i was right. Saw Kim when going up the building, yup coincidentally she was distracted while she passed me by. Meh, i was too lazy to call her since i was listening to musics. Nothing much happened, met a few others, saw my maths lecturer and went to the other building, Koponas, for class.

View from Universiti LRT station, could capture the full wide view of it, sigh.

Starting to frequently use the LRT now, at first it was KLCC and then Bangsar and today, Universiti. Expecting to use the LRT a lot more since my classes are during afternoons. It's a good thing since most of my family are working really close to where i study.

Plus, I'm going to Kepong tomorrow after class, any "Kepongians" staying there want to hang out or something? It's really to convenient to stroll around Jusco since i live directly behind it.

How deep is too deep?

Sigh... family arguments again, happened last Tuesday.

Not gonna explain much because i've done that on the my second post ; about Max, Terb, Jefferey and things about Amway.

Ok about that, Terb invited two of his friends to our home to meet Jefferey and help them determine their health. Max didn't like them especially members from Amway; he thinks they have corrupted Terb's mind with false hope and influence him to become a member of the company. He really doesn't like the types that seem to like boasting or advertising stuffs.

But that night my mum continuously advised him to think the other way round, finally my brother snapped and told her to shut up. I was clueless as to when has this happened because they had gone out eating leaving me with the others. I finally, only noticed their sad and pissed looks right when they came back and made me thought "Oh my god, here we go again".

Sigh what can you do when a family lacks understanding and closeness? This kind of stuff is destined to happen right after you grow up, your bond between your family gets weaker when there are less communication with each other; you kinda change, almost every time, for the worst.

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The very next day(Wednesday), woke up, saw mum still sad, makes me sad too. She explained to me why Max had argued with her and other issues about him becoming too distant from her and getting much more protective of his girlfriend (like getting irritated when only asking questions about her). She's explained to me, she's not jealous of her because Max was treating her better but, my mum is also a human being, she needs respect too. I don't know about Max and his girlfriend though, seems like they really are ignorant and selfish at some point made my mum's heart ache and for that, i too am frequently hurt to see such sad faces of my family.

All we really need are understanding, toleration and concerns between each other but as the way i have been raised, only stubbornness and ignorance grew substantially to a point it hurts to know that it seems to be too late to change, regretful and guiltiness that is. I feel being the youngest in the family has influential power over my family when comes to these thing.

Got into the train and started listening to classical musics. Thought i could ease myself during the ride but no. In front of me, i saw a father and daughter. The father looked like he is in his 40's while his daughter, maybe just 4 or 5 years old. She was the most cutest child i've seen for quite sometime. The two of them looked really close to each other; they exchanging smiles with each other and it was really just heart warming.I really enjoyed having to see them being so loving with each other, for only a moment though, until i thought about my family.

My heart started to hurt real bad.
I couldn't stop myself from missing about my past family life.
I missed being cheery with all my family when i was a kid.
And... I.. cried...
I tried to hide my tears, my face but i was bursting with feelings.
The music didn't help, it was playing a rather heart warming and relaxing tune.
I tried to resist but no, i started to silently sob.
I felt awful, i really wanted to cry out loud; to my hearts content.
It didn't last long, maybe 5 minutes or more i finally managed to recover.

That was the first time i ever cried in public, it was embarassing but i couldn't help it, keeping all this feelings will one day, i encountered something that will triggered my innermost feelings. I will and has always promise to myself that i will always have a forever-lasting love for all my family members.

Meditation for enlightenment

Went to the Buddhist shrine which is at my hometown. I haven't visited it for a very long time and had always asked my parents to go there sometime.

Literally transalted(from left to right): 10,000 Buddhas Shrine, Jing Long San

I can say that i'm not really that religious of a person but i like such environments, a place that has peace and harmony. I see Buddhism teachings as life teachings, mostly it's morality and humanity. Don't really see Buddha as a 'god' per se since he was once a man but had reached enlightenment(a heart without any negative feelings and intentions) and influenced a great number of people to learn from him. Well, most religions teaches us to not stray from the right path right? Other religions such as Christianity, Hinduism and Islam; all are following great teachings which are more or less the same advising us how to live without creating chaos and destruction with anyone.
A simple example from the Bible which i find any person should have that kind of thinking:
"Do not judge others or you too will be judged" which was what Jesus said(i guess).

A picture of my dad going the elevated floors to the shrine.

Anyways, so i was at the shrine, strolling around; there was construction going, not so peaceful as would i have thought; did some bowing to the Buddha and you know what? I asked my parents if i can meditate for a bit. I didn't really recited sutras but i was doing a simple meditation, the one that you sit on the floor, close your eyes and ..well pretty much do nothing except thinking. Yup, most of you would think it's boring but it's really interesting. As in the orientation of my college, the lecturer told me about how people will usually can't sit still and do nothing, which is when the lecturer demonstrated by putting two persons in groups and just stare each other, and proving most people will can't stand it and give up as if they are going to explode of boredom. Well i didn't, the dude i had a "stare down" with, lost to me.

A picture of my mom at the front of the shrine.

But at the shrine, a whole new experience, meditating alone in the temple was quite extroadinary, in terms of exploration of my mind; just by doing that i managed to think almost everything about my life; i mostly thought about memories and feelings continuously, which sorta helps me to understand them. I think it was only about an hour or more after having meditated before my parents wanted to go back home. Simply a wonderful experience.

One thing i realized is that it takes a lot of your mental power to do meditating so i would now advice you all who are reading this to be careful if you want to try meditating since most people can't stand it and may hurt themselves mentally in the process.

Just classical.

Listening to classical musics, oh man... i just wished i could go to a orchestra, any kind would do, really.

I can imagine the whole scenery just by listening to them on the pc; cellos, trumpets, violins and of course the piano, i would imagine them being played by the few dozens of musicians and the strict conductor, guiding the whole orchestra.

Too bad i missed the chance of 2009, the last orchestra i was planning to go and watch had it's tickets sold out. Lots of people back at my place wanted to go, i held a lot of responsibility in helping them; families and friends were disappointed at the moment of receiving the bad news, from me. I don't know about the others really feel but i felt horrible, filled with guilt and a broken mind. It was one of my friends who has watched more frequently of orchestras had asked me to go but he delayed to buy the tickets with every week passing until the very last moment.

I can't blame him, he has done nothing wrong because i think i was too excited on the event, it's really just my fault for not taking the initiative when i wanted to watch something that i have always loved listening to from the beginning of that time. I felt immense feelings of regret and felt really sorry towards all who had looked forward to.

To the people i previously invited, i apologize for my foolishness and ignorant in the matter, i'm truly sorry.

Life without friends but with family

Heh, i think a post for once a week is too long to wait ;P. I'd always feel something has to be done every now and then when i'm back at home doing nothing. Since, most of the friends now have blogs, so often that there will be always something to read about(yeah MJ,MQ,M, SW, K and others, i read your blogs and they are quite interesting ^.^) and to be fair, i guess i'll post something, maybe a little about myself and what do i think of others.

Well, writing daily activities is a bit boring so i guess i'll summarize it as clear as possible.

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What did i do for the last few days?
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There was suppose to be a presentation for Malaysian Studies on last Monday but it wasn't our turn but our group leader, has decided to be the first to do it next week. Quite nervous that time, yeah about that, do any of you reactions when you panic or get nervous? I know i do, i find myself forgetting to swallow saliva and will start to have a cough-like 'vomit'. Yeah it sounds weird but that reaction happens to me when i'm waiting or preparing for something like -- waiting to go to college, waiting attend an exam, prepare for going out with friends... something like that. Well the question is, why am i really nervous about going to hang out with friends...?
That's for you to find out, heh.

I had also went to Time Sqaure to celebrate one of my college mates birthday, it pretty much - a random, funny, interesting and memorable time. Oh i forgot to mention that i like taking pictures of my friends. Well, that's sorta my liking, i'm interested in capturing people when they do not really 'pose' for the camera; it's when they are just at their casual moments. And of course i will not make this pictures publicly known, i respect the people in the photos so this pictures would only be taken for the sake of ONLY letting them have it or looking at it, well with the exception of me of course.

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Random things about my life and myself
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Apparently things settle down once you head back home, not much happens back at the 'Home Sweet Home' ; mostly because i feel home as place of peace and harmony, so most of the time i'd get myself into shape as in doing whatever that can increase esteem and confidence. Recently, i've been trying to reduce my intake of meat to none because increasing low self-esteem since i find it hard to have time to exercise as i only like dancing which i can probably do it 3 hours non-stop. Yup, dancing , is my very own hobby and my most favourite, i'd dance whenever there is cool beat; even in shopping malls. Anyways, because i can't that more oftenly, i started eating more green less yellow or white... And i think i can do it, maybe little by little i may see some results. Not to mention i'm also planning to get a fruit fasting recipe where i will only drink mix fruits on a daily basis which is known as a detox diet.

Well enough about that, lets see, i've been thinking a lot about friendship lately, maybe i'm becoming emo or something but i seem to always fill my head about with thoughts of regret. I've been told that i'm shy and asked why, well most people will jump to conclusion that i'm anti-social, but im not, totally the opposite, i'd crave for someone to talk to but i can't and when i say talk i mean really get to talk more about things like feelings. The other reason why i don't really show my feelings because of the locations; a busy classroom break? nope; a crowded train? nah.; a normal hangout with friends?Not even close.

In my opinion, i think only the most appropriate requirments to talk like would be-
1.The group in the conversation - fewer than 5 people.
2.A peaceful and quiet place, e.g a almost deserted cafe.
3.Comfortable seats or environment with the optional relaxing music.

The people to talk to? Anyone, as long as they are good listeners and has a sense of politeness and gentleness and also the most important thing, understanding.

So far i don't in my life, i have found such people aside from my family. Even if i had close friends doesn't mean they would be undestanding and all; i had a few of them a few years back but not so undestanding and concerning when i talk to them. Sigh... maybe guys just aren't cut out to be like that, jeez maybe i should hang out with girls more often, at least they would even be worried by just telling them you feel emo, hah.

Hopefully no one reads this part, you didn't read it... right?.

WeekOsignments (pun for assignments)

Kinda stupid of me, when i read through other people's blog; writing about their lives, i always think to myself if ever writing here is helping myself to solve my life problems. I can only think of one, that writing a blog is a means to express your feelings but having no one to give advice on or support on your views, it just feels pointless. Just another place to be emo when you just can't be emo elsewhere. But preaching over this simple matter, just doesn't matter. I can just summed it all up in one sentence to you.

I'm reading your's. Are you reading mine?

July - First Week 2009

This is probably the first time i am finally getting busy with assignments and projects. Well, mainly the reasons are procrastinating; the will to do my works just come right at the last minute before the deadline and when the will comes, i pretty pumped.

Monday, right after i came back home from college, i started to doing my economic assignment in a way that forces me to not just finish it but to make myself understand it clearly. I used quite a lot of time on this one, i took me 10 hours to finish that single essay which just reaches almost four pages. But i wasn't regretful, it was the other way round; finally completing and understanding what i just did was more than enough. At the same time, just by knowing that satisfaction of accomplishment, i could sleep soundly.

Tuesday, my duties are not quite done yet, one more to go and this one took me 5 hours to do. Well, the very next day, i said to my parents and myself that i'm totally bummed, tired from studying but i was too caught on Facebook. I wasn't addicted to Facebook because it has random questions and special features, i was addicted because it motivates me to think how important friends are and it is really because of you all, i found happiness in studying. Joy in life always tingles my hear and also warms it. I couldn't sleep until 10 pm that night, before remembering i should be resting.

After thursday, i was pretty much relaxed compared with the past three days, i still have a Malaysian Studies project not yet completed , in a sense; there were still more things to write about. I have to thank Junior for pushing me though, if it weren't for him i could have done worse than the other people that are in the group. That would be quite embarassing indeed.

In between those days, there were stress building up after classes, not until a lunch the college pals there, even though i don't talk much, just being with them seems to make forget about worries; just like during old times in high school. Unfortunately, time passes, friends are changed, that's what been making down a bit for the moment. I just recently heard a bad side of one of my high school friends, sadly one of my close friends. Hmm, dejavu? i think i wrote this before, or maybe it's just the same person but he's doing something bad again? Well, i won't dwell much into what my friend did, i will only say, i might see him in different way...

Hmph.. to think i waited to update the blog was something negative. Life, eh?

Fin at 5 a.m. Sunday

To forget you, I must think about her.

Too long have i been suffered,
Memories of you seems to pierce my feelings;
Every time, i try to forget.

Too long have i been foolish,
Being away from you seems to blur my sight;
Every time, i try to withstand.

Too long have i been ignorant.
Hating you forcefully seems to tremble my soul;
Every time, i try to believe.

If being with her, can forever calm my mind of you, then so be it;
If not, then only admitting the truth will help me move forward,
Even for eternity, your image will ever be engraved into my mind.