True, I can hardly remember what my social life was like before Facebook.
Informations of your friends and family, you automatically receive them. Some ways it's good, some way it's bad.
Good to keep up on what's happening, bad for the people like me.
Due to my inability to tolerate seeing how others' life are doing. I've restricted much of what I can see from Facebook. Basically, I have little idea as to what is happening to people around me, outside of the things I chose to see.
Good thing is that it lessens the emotional outbursts I have, because I inevitably react negatively towards what I see. The situation is not recent, what's recent is that I have totally secluded myself. The thing is, I can't delete my account, too many things to keep inside, like pictures and videos that probably amounts to a few dozens of GB.
It is probably a bad thing as the society is now, Facebook probably makes a substantial percentage of a person's life.
However, I think Facebook degenerated me, if not others too. Because I used to chat to know what's going on, at least using the MSN. The fact that you can post pictures and videos to FB, you automatically everyone you've added what you were doing, same goes for posting any crap you want. There was no real need to actually 'chat' because anyone could drop a comment or two, and people assume others would've read most of them posts. Twitter probably is a bigger contribution though, and I have quit it for the same reasons.
I can't be certain, because somehow society still looks normal in real life. I'm the only one being affected by it overall.
Oh, got to mention, somehow I've gotten off the roller coaster ride, my mind's a bit clear again although I'm not certain how I should interpret 'clear' freely. Well, at least I've come to tell myself I wasn't really in love, I was just lonely. That kinda snapped me out of it I guess. It was more of the fact of stress coupled with loneliness, assignments were piling up and not one single close friend is in sight to share my sentiment. But I somehow prevailed over the predicament and just kept going. For the most part I've done the most important one and life just got a littler easier on my shoulder, though I have an annoying pain on my neck now.
As far as I think I want to do when I'm 'stable' now, is to make amendments to her. It's one of the burdens I've hold on to blaming myself for too long, I wish to see her happy, or at least know about it. I don't expect to be forgiven by just making such small amendments, I rather take it with through life, reminding me of my mistake.
Other than that, I'm beginning to choose the path of a "hermit", I find myself starting or preparing to survive by myself in the event I've really lost all will to find new friends. I know it's not a good thing at all, but at least I can avoid myself from riding the roller coaster altogether again. I have not taken the initiative to suggest anything to meet up with my current friends, as one follower of this blog would know. Other than the two, rarely or no one, takes the initiative to talk to me any more. It's probably they weren't all that interested to talk to me at the beginning or the other possibility being I look fierce or something. I find it hard for myself to actually look fierce or cold, but if you've mistaken it because I'm totally focused on the class and pondering over what has been said; then you're just judging the book by the cover.
Whatever it is, I'm not at fault that during classes I choose to be studious. I guess because of that, nobody really wants to invite me to something.
Do not tell me Lee Tat's invitation to me is a contradiction. I know why he invited me, 1. Because he has to, 2. Because I always bring a camera during special occasions. Ever wonder why no one brings a camera. Yes, I'm the cameraman, nobody forced me to be one. But for God's sake, what the hell are friends for, being a cameraman for the whole time? If I'm paid to do so then I don't mind, but the fact is I'm not paid. It's not a DLSR or any sort of expensive complicated equipment that only I know how to use, it's an outdated digital camera that anyone who has held a camera, would know it only takes a click of the button at the corner.
Are they really inconsiderate or just blissfully ignorant? It's more like I'm just a shadow that follow them, occasionally interacting with the shadow.
What do I lack? Nothing. What is physically wrong with me? Nothing. I'm starting to think the reality of people is that they don't appreciate, consider or worry about what you do for them. Are law students inherently selfish pricks? I originally didn't aim for law so I don't know the people who always have been.
Even though I've said before that I help people because I gain something in return, in truth is that I naturally am good at helping people and worry them when they are in need. The fact they do not know this, or chose to ignore it, just angers me.
I help people because they are grateful afterwards. Their gratitude is what I gain, nothing monetary about it. But when there is not even a hint of gratitude, I'm just being used and it is something I hate the most. I really didn't want to go Lee Tat's place but I compelled myself anyways, bringing the camera. There were tons of times I wonder if I didn't go, or if I didn't bring it, who's going to take the pictures and stuff? What's my relationship with him? We don't talk in college, we don't talk in FB, we don't even hang out together; yet when it comes to something like this, I'm suddenly invited? What, are you implying that I would bring something?
There's the constant absence from Kean Hoe, it has been bugging me ever since, how is he going to pass his exams? I know Marcus hasn't been to classes too but he can handle himself. My mum suspects it's because of his hectic lifestyle coupled with Elaine. I truly hope that's the case and not freaking because he couldn't wake up. Showing up at college like nothing happened pisses me off too, especially when he comes late or when class ends and wants to eat later. I mean what's the point? I'd rather have him at his home and freaking study or go to the library perhaps. Why do he prioritize his errands first, studies second? I'm not looking down on him, it's just that I believe his a matured person and won't make stupid mistakes, so I'm asking to myself, why has he become like this?
All things aside, I've decided to spend more time with my mum rather than at college wondering if Marcus or anyone wants to hang out or just have lunch. She deserves more of my time than anyone at the moment because she's family. There will be quite sometime when I stay at UK.
Confessions, do the above statements match? Mixed statements I would believe.
Toodles.
Informations of your friends and family, you automatically receive them. Some ways it's good, some way it's bad.
Good to keep up on what's happening, bad for the people like me.
Due to my inability to tolerate seeing how others' life are doing. I've restricted much of what I can see from Facebook. Basically, I have little idea as to what is happening to people around me, outside of the things I chose to see.
Good thing is that it lessens the emotional outbursts I have, because I inevitably react negatively towards what I see. The situation is not recent, what's recent is that I have totally secluded myself. The thing is, I can't delete my account, too many things to keep inside, like pictures and videos that probably amounts to a few dozens of GB.
It is probably a bad thing as the society is now, Facebook probably makes a substantial percentage of a person's life.
However, I think Facebook degenerated me, if not others too. Because I used to chat to know what's going on, at least using the MSN. The fact that you can post pictures and videos to FB, you automatically everyone you've added what you were doing, same goes for posting any crap you want. There was no real need to actually 'chat' because anyone could drop a comment or two, and people assume others would've read most of them posts. Twitter probably is a bigger contribution though, and I have quit it for the same reasons.
I can't be certain, because somehow society still looks normal in real life. I'm the only one being affected by it overall.
Oh, got to mention, somehow I've gotten off the roller coaster ride, my mind's a bit clear again although I'm not certain how I should interpret 'clear' freely. Well, at least I've come to tell myself I wasn't really in love, I was just lonely. That kinda snapped me out of it I guess. It was more of the fact of stress coupled with loneliness, assignments were piling up and not one single close friend is in sight to share my sentiment. But I somehow prevailed over the predicament and just kept going. For the most part I've done the most important one and life just got a littler easier on my shoulder, though I have an annoying pain on my neck now.
As far as I think I want to do when I'm 'stable' now, is to make amendments to her. It's one of the burdens I've hold on to blaming myself for too long, I wish to see her happy, or at least know about it. I don't expect to be forgiven by just making such small amendments, I rather take it with through life, reminding me of my mistake.
Other than that, I'm beginning to choose the path of a "hermit", I find myself starting or preparing to survive by myself in the event I've really lost all will to find new friends. I know it's not a good thing at all, but at least I can avoid myself from riding the roller coaster altogether again. I have not taken the initiative to suggest anything to meet up with my current friends, as one follower of this blog would know. Other than the two, rarely or no one, takes the initiative to talk to me any more. It's probably they weren't all that interested to talk to me at the beginning or the other possibility being I look fierce or something. I find it hard for myself to actually look fierce or cold, but if you've mistaken it because I'm totally focused on the class and pondering over what has been said; then you're just judging the book by the cover.
Whatever it is, I'm not at fault that during classes I choose to be studious. I guess because of that, nobody really wants to invite me to something.
Do not tell me Lee Tat's invitation to me is a contradiction. I know why he invited me, 1. Because he has to, 2. Because I always bring a camera during special occasions. Ever wonder why no one brings a camera. Yes, I'm the cameraman, nobody forced me to be one. But for God's sake, what the hell are friends for, being a cameraman for the whole time? If I'm paid to do so then I don't mind, but the fact is I'm not paid. It's not a DLSR or any sort of expensive complicated equipment that only I know how to use, it's an outdated digital camera that anyone who has held a camera, would know it only takes a click of the button at the corner.
Are they really inconsiderate or just blissfully ignorant? It's more like I'm just a shadow that follow them, occasionally interacting with the shadow.
What do I lack? Nothing. What is physically wrong with me? Nothing. I'm starting to think the reality of people is that they don't appreciate, consider or worry about what you do for them. Are law students inherently selfish pricks? I originally didn't aim for law so I don't know the people who always have been.
Even though I've said before that I help people because I gain something in return, in truth is that I naturally am good at helping people and worry them when they are in need. The fact they do not know this, or chose to ignore it, just angers me.
I help people because they are grateful afterwards. Their gratitude is what I gain, nothing monetary about it. But when there is not even a hint of gratitude, I'm just being used and it is something I hate the most. I really didn't want to go Lee Tat's place but I compelled myself anyways, bringing the camera. There were tons of times I wonder if I didn't go, or if I didn't bring it, who's going to take the pictures and stuff? What's my relationship with him? We don't talk in college, we don't talk in FB, we don't even hang out together; yet when it comes to something like this, I'm suddenly invited? What, are you implying that I would bring something?
There's the constant absence from Kean Hoe, it has been bugging me ever since, how is he going to pass his exams? I know Marcus hasn't been to classes too but he can handle himself. My mum suspects it's because of his hectic lifestyle coupled with Elaine. I truly hope that's the case and not freaking because he couldn't wake up. Showing up at college like nothing happened pisses me off too, especially when he comes late or when class ends and wants to eat later. I mean what's the point? I'd rather have him at his home and freaking study or go to the library perhaps. Why do he prioritize his errands first, studies second? I'm not looking down on him, it's just that I believe his a matured person and won't make stupid mistakes, so I'm asking to myself, why has he become like this?
All things aside, I've decided to spend more time with my mum rather than at college wondering if Marcus or anyone wants to hang out or just have lunch. She deserves more of my time than anyone at the moment because she's family. There will be quite sometime when I stay at UK.
Confessions, do the above statements match? Mixed statements I would believe.
Toodles.
