Maybe I'm not trying to be closer to anyone, although I think I am.
At the current state that I am in, less and less people would want to talk to me. I may have, a slight case of social anxiety disorder. One word is suffice to say how I am, paranoid.
The cause, I'm not sure what is the cause... The world I thought I was living in, it's quite different now. I believed in this world too much.
What are friends? What are lovers? How do you tell they are real? As the days go by, I find myself understanding less and less of the world around me. The only thing that's real to me is myself and family.
The lifestyle I have now, the way how I only want to interact with friends, just all of a sudden, doesn't work any more.
The more I read mangas and animes, the more I grow weary of the world I am in. In stories, lives are simple even if they are extraordinary. Outside of my family, the world appears grey.
I fear that the amount of times I would truly talk to 'friends' will eventually be none. Which, I kinda expect living in UK would mean the harshest time I will be in. However, it would be a start of another life, I'll be able to live my life to the fullest when I'm at my weakest time.
At least, I have myself to tell this to, although I find it hard anyone would want to, or understand what I have to go through. It is not the fear that people will forget me so I blog, but it is the fear that people don't understand me before I die.
I haven't blog for quite sometime, which probably caused some excess emotional baggage to occupy me.
One last thing I want to tell myself,
I want to be free.
At the current state that I am in, less and less people would want to talk to me. I may have, a slight case of social anxiety disorder. One word is suffice to say how I am, paranoid.
The cause, I'm not sure what is the cause... The world I thought I was living in, it's quite different now. I believed in this world too much.
What are friends? What are lovers? How do you tell they are real? As the days go by, I find myself understanding less and less of the world around me. The only thing that's real to me is myself and family.
The lifestyle I have now, the way how I only want to interact with friends, just all of a sudden, doesn't work any more.
The more I read mangas and animes, the more I grow weary of the world I am in. In stories, lives are simple even if they are extraordinary. Outside of my family, the world appears grey.
I fear that the amount of times I would truly talk to 'friends' will eventually be none. Which, I kinda expect living in UK would mean the harshest time I will be in. However, it would be a start of another life, I'll be able to live my life to the fullest when I'm at my weakest time.
At least, I have myself to tell this to, although I find it hard anyone would want to, or understand what I have to go through. It is not the fear that people will forget me so I blog, but it is the fear that people don't understand me before I die.
I haven't blog for quite sometime, which probably caused some excess emotional baggage to occupy me.
One last thing I want to tell myself,
I want to be free.
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