I have to talk to you, your getting distant from me.

I guess sooner or later, keeping quiet, which i have been doing all this time with you all, has to end.

It’s not that i didn’t notice, the less i talked, the less both of us know how we’re feeling, the weaker our bonds even are. Some of you might say i’m ok just the way i am now but some of my mind say it’s just an excuse to avoid being more close to each other. But then i really wanted true friendship, i knew why, the silence i have been keeping so long was the reason. I hated the quiet, but at the same time i welcomed it willingly, i hate it so much.

I still couldn’t throw away that stubbornness of me, it’s also why i could not get anything what i want. The more Marcus, Kimberley or others that kept pushing me to do something that i will regret if i don’t do so, the more i would stay silent, the more i would decline to do so, I’m really sorry, really sorry.

The silent treatment i give probably made me unconfident too, i’m simply too afraid to make my own decisions. I’m always afraid the results of it would be bad. I’d always escape one way or another.

This silence, has to end, it must end, i don’t want to care anymore,

i want to talk to you in person,

i want to tell you that i’m sorry for being silent,

i want to to tell you that i’m thankful for being my friend,

i want to tell you something i’ve always wanted to say,

i want to know you better,

Somebody, please guide me, show me how. I don’t care, degrade me, shame me, scold me, hit me, slap me, do whatever it takes, just wake me from this nightmare that never seems to end. I don’t want to be thought as an emotionless, inconsiderate, stubborn person.