Time and time again, get's boring doesn't it?

I'll just make a quick one. As I don't have anyone to share/pour my mind out.

CNY holidays comes to end.

Time was pretty well spent, but I went to Cameron Highlands with my family for most of it. Could have used it for painting/studying but you never know which choice could be better.

And now, college starts. Could never look forward to it like I used to. Interaction between friends seemed meaningless.

What's the point, everyone's getting distant from me. You don't have time to hang out, relax and chat during class, same goes for gatherings. I was invited for Bai Nian, again I asked, what's the point? I don't want to be invited for the sake of being a friend or because you have to. What do I do when I'm there besides playing and meeting you?

I just can't understand, what are my friends for if we can't talk for more than 5 minutes. The topic is always trivial, I never get the feeling I'm having a willing conversation, it feels more forced.

Suggesting to use Facebook/MSN to have this kind of conversation? Friend, it's not the same in real life, it's just not the same, probably even worse.

For once, I like to seat down, in a cafe/restaurant, order a drink, talk for hours. If you can't do that for even ONCE, than well that justifies why we don't talk to each other.

Honestly, I'm feeling this way because life hasn't progress much for me, more like life is being holding back and everyone else's is moving forward. You either get a best friend or a lover around this age or life, I'm getting neither.

Confess to someone? Done it but the results, easier said than done. I have no idea what the answer was because it was not a yes or a no. it was more avoiding. Maybe my thinking is wrong but as long as a girl says yes, I'd be damned if I didn't treat her like a goddess afterwards.

I realise it's not hard to find out if a girl likes you. If she acts oblivious when you confess to her, it's a no, you don't need a simple answer. There's a very thin line between being friendly and something more than that, but I guess in my case, the girl has to be extremely friendly for no reason. 

I know for almost certainty, no one in college has a crush on me, contrasting to my mother's belief. Looking at it realistically, it is a sad truth in some way. I guess for others, love at first sight does not exist, nor does at first conversation, or even at several more.

There's no secret really, girls don't take first step not because they are afraid (I am) but because they never considered it. It is also not a secret that I have considered taking the first step on every girl I have met so far.

*gasp* Is it true?

Well duh, only girls are ignorant about it, why? I don't know because it's not the same reason for every girl. For the record, it's not just me, every single guys out there thinks like that, don't tell me they aren't similar, every single guys have at least considered it ONCE.

However, it's not the girl's fault, not really. I'm single because I stayed that way too long without even trying once to find someone with the effort needed. I'd stopped making new friends, chances are pretty low. I probably creeped/scared the girl I confessed to. We only met a couple times and talked in the internet and I suddenly confessed, how would you react to that if you were girl, shocked and rejecting I presume. Well, it's more like asking someone out on a date than a confession. But still, I watched too much anime/movies to think otherwise it would be easy.

So I'm back to square one, again. Nothing I can do about my friends or my pursuant of love. I just have to continue living and search for the light I have lost long ago. Every time I think I found it, it flickers out and escapes my grasp.

And the journey continues...