Bye Bye To You.

If you're reading this, that means I'm already in UK.

I don't think I'll have much time blogging there since I'll be settling down for quite some time.

Regardless, I just want to say,

I'm leaving home. I don't know when it will kick in, but I feel as though I'm holding it down as much as I could.

To my friends,

I'm always there, yet not really worth looking out for. I'll always remember the good times we had, non of this imaginary "changes" that my mind cooked up to stay sane. Even if I'm not the one to talk to, the one to look for help, the one for your shoulder. I was a friend that could have done those. A friend nevertheless.

If I make it through, it'll all because the things that happened in the past, the people I have around and the future that I hoped for.

If not. Well let's just say I'll give it all to see your faces back at Malaysia.

MQ, JA , anyone else that I think is reading, who knows for certain really. I'll miss you all, and will always have a special memory in my mind.

Idols are suppose to be a leading example to their fans, no?

http://www.allkpop.com/2012/09/big-bangs-seungri-caught-up-in-sex-scandal-rumors-after-release-of-pictures-by-japanese-tabloid-friday

I just like the arguments that entails afterwards, this one seems the most rational.

this is from netizen buzz

The next nate pann post
is a male K-Pop fan that decided to share his two cents while watching
over the Seungri scandal. It received a lot of agreement from both fans
and non-fans alike.

"Through this scandal, I've learned how to differentiate between fans
and dumb fangirls. Despite none of us knowing whether it could or could
not be Seungri in the pictures, it is because of all of his dumb
fangirls that everyone who would not have otherwise found out now know.
They act like they're trying to protect Seungri, but they don't know
that what they're doing right now is just making it harder for him to
recover.

They can try to hide and shield everything all they want now, but what
are they going to do when it is later confirmed that it was indeed
Seungri? Because of all of the sh*t they laid out, Seungri is going to
be hated on for that much more. You fans are seriously no different from
Friday.

Arguing over a few unidentified pictures and all of you blindly and
aggressively pushing for your side being right is only making it harder
for Seungri. If you're a true fan that loves him, you need to stay
quiet.

And to all of those brainless fans that are saying it doesn't matter if
an adult male has a one night with a female... Is Seungri some nobody?
He's someone that has the power to influence the youth. People follow
everything idols do lately, and because of you dumb fangirls, they're
going to grow up thinking that when everyone grows up, everyone has one
night stands like the norm.

And finally to everyone saying this is a conspiracy created by the
government.. Why the hell would the Japanese government release
something like this to cover something in the Korean government? You
guys are so frustrating..

I wanted to stay quiet and just watch over the issue but you guys keep bit*hing and bit*hing."

I agree completely with this person, so international Kpop fans should grow up and stop making this seem like it's nothing.

Then again, I care not for a musician's personal life. All it matters for people like them to create original and amazing art; and people like us to decide if it is truly art. 

Sober time.

I hope I have enough time to write this, it's rare to blog at an hour that Jake has a rational mind.

Anyways, I am well. I've almost got everything sorted out. All the major payments for my one year in UK has been made.

My luggage apparently has been packed for quite a while, I think it was too early but my mum insisted. One bag for surviving and another for gaming. A tiny bit extreme but yeah, I didn't had to bring much if I don't bring my miniatures.

Another 19-20 days left. I'm not scared or anything, I'm anticipating and waiting for abroad studying. Somehow I feel like if I don't go, I'll never know if I really had my own will to live; not because people have to take care of me thus far.

I also want to know if I really liked my past friends. Since I severed the connection, the times I'm reminded about them are getting less and less, but when I do I still work through the connections and take a glimpse of their status. By going to UK, it's either I make new friends or people make friends out of me.

I hope I won't be swayed by love there either, it's hard to imagine myself be together with a foreigner in terms of practicality of relationships. Everyone's going to try to depend on themselves to survive, I highly doubt people from here are available anyways.

---The group of people I've joined in Facebook which I'm going to be living together also pondered the question of an apocalyptic world, specifically if it was zombie infested one. All the better to prove whether I'm capable to live in this world. Of course the realistic goal to study abroad is to get a decent degree, but that's not so much a concern as to improving myself to be a better and stronger person.

I want to become someone reliable and trustworthy. Without that guaranteed lending of help that can be found at my home, I'm forced to make the decisions to earn myself the right to choose my own paths.

---I'd hope to say goodbye to my friends that are staying back here, but we've distant from each other for too far and too long, in both mind and soul.

Regardless, a farewell to you who is reading, and to the people that can't read this, is needed no matter what form it takes. From the bottom of my heart I've missed you all, but my other side proves to be polarized and pessimistic against everyone.

I really loved you all, but it hurts.
If you believe in reincarnation, I hope we meet again in another lifetime, with a better me.