I'm at that state of limbo now, when you have mixed feelings of happiness and sadness.
It's been more than a month now, since my previous post. Again, I like to keep it that way.
In some ways I'm busy, although I'm physically free from work or studies; my mind has been preoccupied by many thoughts. Again, a person having too much time on his own develops a sort of weird habit.
Classes has started for about month now. Can't really say much but it's the usual routine only that I I have to try and do more than usual when I was in UK.
Being me and having cut off communication multiple times with some friends, I don't know how everyone has been doing these days. I only knew somethings as I came back and asked about it from a friend. Things could never have been much different from what I imagined.
Then again, it hasn't changed much, the atmosphere is still pretty much the same as before when I was in Aber; a large class and myself.
Life just goes on, the world doesn't revolve around me. I just recently talked to my mother about leaving Facebook before I created another one in UK. My family never knew quite well why. Though she understood it as I vaguely explained to her.
I never quite took the perspective from the other side as how she simply showed me.
"What if your friends did the same thing?" - I guess I would start to think that they don't want to do anything with me either, because they'll think I don't want to be friends anymore. And that's why nobody really did care much, even if they saw you in real life.
Not to forget why I did it, I'll mention it here again. I did it because it was getting seriously unhealthy for me, since I used to post status updates like nobodies business. Negative thoughts at those moments in time just keeps flowing through, typing whatever I felt like. I was addicted to Facebook in a bad way. The only thing kept from deleting it sooner was the amount of memories I created for myself and others. I just needed to move on and it was the only way possible.
Even now, I hesitate to blog here, because I know I won't write anything happy, honestly sad thoughts. But with a loner's life, you just have to pour your heart's dirty blood somewhere.
On to the second part.
Since there's absolutely no time for a nice chat when I go to college now. Making friends through online seems like my only option, although it's not really a good option. Trying to be real and honest is 'virtually' very difficult. I met this girl in class, was a friend of a friend but never actually talked in real life. So I decided to add and chat her on FB.
Long story short, she's not much of a typer and not as free as most people are. Regardless, because I've always regretted not doing anything to show how I feel directly to a person, I made hasty invitation. Ever since then, we've never chatted and I deleted her from my list. Surprisingly, I didn't regret asking her out.
Now, now I'm just a tiny bit optimistic and hopeful. A girl who messages me first on a forum, a once in a lifetime miracle happened. We've never met but somehow, I just don't want to let go of her just yet, I might have actually found someone who has time to talk and probably wants to. It was very important to me because of my lifestyle. There's not much I can say, I just have to be patient and careful this time. But patience for love hasn't been one of the things I'm good at.
If she's not the one, then at the least I want to meet her. To say thanks for lending her time for me, even though it was just for a bit.
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