I've kinda reach to the point of no return where i'm unable to be carefree and feel good about it.
All i can ask now, is how does it feel like to have friends that wants to be close with each other? And the other question would be, how does it feel to love and be loved in return?
Maybe 3 years or 5 years of time, i still wouldn't know, all this thinking of 3-4 steps ahead is not giving me any true happiness.
"Why burden yourself and extricating the people probably don't even deserve the remind gesture?"
Someone commented this in this post. Some how true. The only thing i've always wanted is closure from friends, but that wasn't possible, neither love was.
I've always imagined myself having friends, not many, 3 or 4, at my room or at a field of grass, it's always a peaceful and fun scenario. For sensitivity reasons, i would rather have them being more girls than guys, because guys usually talk more about games, cars and what not nonsense and crap guys can talk about.
I think some of my readers would understand since mostly you'd experienced it before, not me, but i imagine you're able to fully relax and chat to your hearts content.
Almost every week that image pops in my head, wishing to come true. But, as reality kicks in, it becomes obvious that it'll always be a figment of my imagination. It's hard, not being able to blame it onto someone, it's really just because of attitude and how my friends react to it, in my case, just let the friendship between each other rot until there's only a face and a name remembered.
Well, it's not all that bad i guess, blogging is another way to do it, albeit i'm talking to myself most of the time since there's not much response. At least there are people reading.
My life's not bad when you think about the time i'll eventually die, at least you can imagine who genuinely acknowledged your existent and cared about you in life. That's how i comfort myself nowadays, not sad, just pathetic and desperate, right readers?
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