The worst seems to have past.

Yeap, it seems the worst of my depression has gone by. I wouldn't say "just like that" though but I can see things a bit clearer now.

I realized something through this turmoil though, I was not able to accept myself and the world around me. In this world, I feel like I'm suppose to be the guy who should always do the right thing and be honest. But really, I was just what you call, an "attention seeker", albeit it is hard to admit but yes, judging through the things I do, this is all too true.

1. I'd whine and rant in the Facebook and before that, rant in Twitters and Blogger.

2. I'd join anything in the past, to be acknowledged and for someone to notice.

3. I'd be completely honest in my blog, typically trying to agitate people, to my regret it resulted my demise in life.

But who would not have felt this way even without me confessing it? When I think about it, have I changed whatsoever compared to two years ago? Well, giving any explanation, it wouldn't prove anything to anyone.

Truth is, nobody understood me, not even my closest friends or my family. Nor do I truly understand anyone.

If she told me she didn't knew me, then really, who actually knows me? Of course I know it's not how much of me that I've told her that meant she knows me, but I thought she would actually understand why I would this intimate things with her? This is why I hate communicating virtually, even though it is my only way to express myself whole-heartedly. People just can't feel or see what I go through, same for my videos.

For obvious reasons, this hurt my heart right on the spot, literally. Just because she said that, my life get's even bitter, so much I couldn't focus on writing my assignment but when I did, I can't but notice anger in those words. Having no one to even ask for guidance, I used the internet to find my answer ...and it pretty much hit me I guess.

It wasn't much about myself I guess, I just wanted to know someone even if that will never truly happen. It's that I wish, someone would actually know my intentions is not to whine to you, but trust you. It was truly cold when she said it for some reason, it literally made all the things I thought of, meant nothing. But it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.