Home-ridden.

You can say, it's been a week since I stepped out of my house.

Some would probably think what a sad lonely I have. But on the contrary, one of the best weeks I ever had.
Part of the time I still study, however most of the time I watched anime and played role playing games. Many of which were meaningful, funny, complex and deep. After watching so many different animes, I'd realise half of the life lessons I learned comes from there, the other from my parents.

Some of them relatable to my current life, some relates to the overview of the world. It is surprising that for one problem or situation, can be viewed in so many ways which would still make sense. Though I do wonder if after watching them, any of my thinking had changed in any way.

One thing I've come to tell myself is that even though the life we live in, is full of disappointment and despair; there are people that will not let that destroy they imagination but let them loose and express it in animation. Even if our world is a world of reality, it is the only world where it 'creates' other worlds, places you never been to, places you can only dream of. An escape from reality? Perhaps, perhaps not.

Even though, I live a quiet life, it doesn't mean it's not interesting. I always try to reach for the skies in a way because I always want to do something different. I do not accept my routine life just because it is appropriate, it's the right thing to do. If I do, it's no different than giving up on my life and live like robot. I'd play a game for a change, I'd play with my dog for a while, I'd paint my models, I'd practice singing, I'd learn how to read the japanese language; as long as I'm not doing something monotonous like studying all the time.

Which would quite explain I don't forward to classes, you can't fully relate whatever I do to the others. That's why I seem to distant myself but it is the other way round. Just this last Monday, KH invited me to watch a movie on Wednesday, I rejected. Why? Do you want to go out with two pair of couples and watch a movie with them? Frack no. I'm already over about crap like crushes, yet dense people, are dense. He wanted me to ask 'one' out.

So what does this mean for me? Am I anti-social? No. The circumstances of life are the cause of it, it is just not my time. Sometimes you wonder why everyone in college, that was close to you, are fading through your vision, as if blending with the crowd at background again. But that is just 'my unique fate', sometimes you wish to experience a normal teenage life but somehow, you're different from the others. You've never encountered such a recurring and worsening social problem that you can't handle, as if you're only moving in circles.

That's why, I've decided and accepted my life is of this 'kind' and let fate steer in the direction it wants.

Hello to myself.

It's been 10 days, which is 4 or less days to go. There's definitely something buggy about this blog, whenever I update something, it doesn't show up in my blog updates, suggesting others would rarely visit too, given I can look at the statistics.

Life without Facebook, I've said it before right? I'm kinda experiencing it, but things have not changed much. There's no commotion going on about my sudden disappearance from the social network nor questions asked. I would've though there were consequences, maybe because they haven't found out. The bulk of pictures and videos, were their significance as memories cease to hold true?

I've only got a few things to prove for the deletion.
Whether my existence in the social network is of any importance.
Whether WHIC or other digitalised memories were important.
Whether my social life is any different from before.
Whether I was totally addicted to the social network.

10 days have passed, if anything were to happen, it would, but it did not. The results were clear, I'm not so obsessed to unable to restrain myself and re-activate my account; my social life is as it is today, a lone wolf with a loving family. People say Facebook keeps friends from feeling apart, I'd say it's the same with or without it.

I would compare it as a MMORPG(Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game).

Briefly,
You start out fresh knowing nothing but you still pressed forward, working your way around people, making friends, solving problems etc. You level up and grow just like a MMORPG.
Then you reach mid-range, an average player but had the will to strive for better, you team with your life-long friends to reach that goal. You slowly shine in the world you live in.
However, battles after battles, some of your team mates lose that faith, slowly and steadily, one after another, they stop and their other ways. The only one left that hasn't lost the will to fight was you, you were close to reaching to the top.
Sadly, in the end, you realise to reach the top, you need team mates to support you but no one is beside you now; they have already blend in with the NPC crowds or disappear altogether for another MMORPG. You realise, it was meaningless, because all this time, you were not having fun anymore.

So what do you do when such a virtual life becomes pointless? You face the harsh reality that you chose, not caring the consequences it curtails.

It's for the better, really.

I think most won't notice, as I have started the count-down on deleting my FB account.
In 14 days it will disappear permanently.

It has come to me that I no longer gain anything from the website, the addiction to check it daily has made me feel so wasteful of my time. I might get the occasional notifications of something, but you can say it basically act as storage for the photos and videos I've posted.

If anyone has finally noticed my actions, I hope this form a sufficient explanation as the memories I've selfishly took away without your consent, for this I humbly apologize, I'm really sorry. However, it has to be done sooner or later because it continues to eat me away as I find a reason for myself to keep it.

Facebook maybe the main source for the others as a way to keep in touch but the consequences for me is that other things which should not have occurred to me has been planted inside my mind. The seed of jealousy, lust, hatred had been slowly growing and it continues to grow as long as I dwell in the website for no real reason, the only way to deal with this is to cut the source of all of it and I pinpoint to this social network. I may have originally just felt lonely if not for it but it continue to feed my despair, how? When I see others together, not invited, not a part of it; when I post a status without anyone commenting or giving a sign of notice => It suggests that I'm ignored and alone. In reality, this is most likely not the case, but when you have your mind all to yourself with no interference, this thoughts grow and as you continue such acts.

However, I do hope the state of my mind does not worsen, but to look at the world as bright as it should be. Believing only through the real sight I see, the voices I hear, the heart I will feel.