I should be glad exams are finally over, I am but there's this feeling fear.
I'm kinda scared what the future holds for me. Not because the results I will get for my exams but the plans I've made for it.
It is as if I fairly understand how it's going to be like no matter what direction it takes, since I've accepted it too.
The after effects.
I've been disconnected mostly from the virtual society, the unknown is rather pleasing most of the times. I rarely wonder what others are doing now, the fact I realised that Facebook automatically does that for me as how easy it is to access it nowadays, had made it so that I don't even to consider what to wonder about.
But now the thoughts are a bit more precious now, it signifies what a person I truly am.
Will I be able truly speak to another soul, I wonder. As the circumstances currently stand, as I predicted, everyone is severely disconnected from each other. Because there was no one who stepped up to maintain that bond, we eventually dissolve into the pool that is called "college mates" which once were "close friends". In other words we don't take into account whether we really want to be with each other because there really are things more important.
I know this because I predicted that if I only planned any kind of events after my exams, I'd be all too late to even invite anyone. I do not have success in mind for my first try but at least I should be able to turn the others into the right direction. Therefore, I believe Tuesday is unlikely to be a success but at least I tried and at best, it actually happens even though not as good as I imagined. Hence, I've contacted most of everybody beforehand, to learn what the future holds for this bond.
I believe I can still nurture it, somehow. "If we believe what is shown to us, it becomes reality."
Speaking of reality, I've been lying to myself that chatting with a girl is enough. Exams has come to an end and I believe I can no longer play along with this façade. Through all this time, I lied to myself as long as she thinks I'm just talking as a friend, it'll be alright.
But you feel that guilt and loneliness somewhere deep inside, since I wanted to believe I'm chatting with a person who loves me back. The guilt is that I feel that I might be able to snatch her heart from which it was already taken.
Reality is truly cruel yet it is because I perceive it so.
At the very least, I'm not as lonely as I used to feel and not as often.
Hopefully, the holidays keeps me busy as would the exams had.
I'm kinda scared what the future holds for me. Not because the results I will get for my exams but the plans I've made for it.
It is as if I fairly understand how it's going to be like no matter what direction it takes, since I've accepted it too.
The after effects.
I've been disconnected mostly from the virtual society, the unknown is rather pleasing most of the times. I rarely wonder what others are doing now, the fact I realised that Facebook automatically does that for me as how easy it is to access it nowadays, had made it so that I don't even to consider what to wonder about.
But now the thoughts are a bit more precious now, it signifies what a person I truly am.
Will I be able truly speak to another soul, I wonder. As the circumstances currently stand, as I predicted, everyone is severely disconnected from each other. Because there was no one who stepped up to maintain that bond, we eventually dissolve into the pool that is called "college mates" which once were "close friends". In other words we don't take into account whether we really want to be with each other because there really are things more important.
I know this because I predicted that if I only planned any kind of events after my exams, I'd be all too late to even invite anyone. I do not have success in mind for my first try but at least I should be able to turn the others into the right direction. Therefore, I believe Tuesday is unlikely to be a success but at least I tried and at best, it actually happens even though not as good as I imagined. Hence, I've contacted most of everybody beforehand, to learn what the future holds for this bond.
I believe I can still nurture it, somehow. "If we believe what is shown to us, it becomes reality."
Speaking of reality, I've been lying to myself that chatting with a girl is enough. Exams has come to an end and I believe I can no longer play along with this façade. Through all this time, I lied to myself as long as she thinks I'm just talking as a friend, it'll be alright.
But you feel that guilt and loneliness somewhere deep inside, since I wanted to believe I'm chatting with a person who loves me back. The guilt is that I feel that I might be able to snatch her heart from which it was already taken.
Reality is truly cruel yet it is because I perceive it so.
At the very least, I'm not as lonely as I used to feel and not as often.
Hopefully, the holidays keeps me busy as would the exams had.
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