I remember that complexion of yours, but never really of the present.
Because I haven't seen you for a while, since we never tried to.
Though that's all I really need, that time we've been together.
My birthday just ended, four hours ago. It's a weird feeling no one truly remembers your birthday unless you have a facebook account.
I spent it with my family, and I believe that's truly enough. Because I rather spend it with people I care. When you have so much time for yourself, even though you keep yourself busy with things to do, when you don't talk, you think.
I haven't been doing much physically, as in I'm just painting and gaming for most of my holidays. But what people can't see is I'm trying hard to understand other people and myself as to their feelings and situations. When I'm with myself, life is hard to be looked in a simple way.
You'd think deeply why you're actually doing something. Like why I'm actually sms-ing this girl for. She has a life of her own, a person to love but finds some time to chat with me every now and then. On the pre-text, I'm just a friend who's a bit nosy but considerate, but actually just wants to interact with someone other than my family, yet all I feel is a sense of guilt.
Human beings are selfish and funny people, when life sucks their first thought would be not to look at himself but putting the blame on anything possible. Yet when they realise this, they continue to make the same mistake and tries to blame someone else again, I guess they are forgetful too.
I don't remember many of my friends' birthdays either. So I guess I can understand why others can't. However, so many things in life influence the importance of my first existence that I can't help but wonder why I'm not important enough to remember at the beginning. It is always at the end when you come to realisation that that thinking is simply selfish.
A note to readers and to my 21 year old self, don't ever try to leave your friends or remove contact for any reason. You'll regret it big time, trying to remedy your mistake is going to be really difficult. Whether your friends are a bad influence or not, if he or she still lends an ear for you, the best you can do is lend yours back.
Or you'll end up like me, no one to really trust, no one to talk about it in real life.
All reduced to texts that is hard to show any emotion whatsoever.
21 year old self, read this again when you get to UK, remind yourself that you still have your family, and they are always with you, wherever you are.
Look forward to the future, look forward to the new friends you will make, look forward to the rest of your life.
I can't anymore, can't think straight. Good night.
Because I haven't seen you for a while, since we never tried to.
Though that's all I really need, that time we've been together.
My birthday just ended, four hours ago. It's a weird feeling no one truly remembers your birthday unless you have a facebook account.
I spent it with my family, and I believe that's truly enough. Because I rather spend it with people I care. When you have so much time for yourself, even though you keep yourself busy with things to do, when you don't talk, you think.
I haven't been doing much physically, as in I'm just painting and gaming for most of my holidays. But what people can't see is I'm trying hard to understand other people and myself as to their feelings and situations. When I'm with myself, life is hard to be looked in a simple way.
You'd think deeply why you're actually doing something. Like why I'm actually sms-ing this girl for. She has a life of her own, a person to love but finds some time to chat with me every now and then. On the pre-text, I'm just a friend who's a bit nosy but considerate, but actually just wants to interact with someone other than my family, yet all I feel is a sense of guilt.
Human beings are selfish and funny people, when life sucks their first thought would be not to look at himself but putting the blame on anything possible. Yet when they realise this, they continue to make the same mistake and tries to blame someone else again, I guess they are forgetful too.
I don't remember many of my friends' birthdays either. So I guess I can understand why others can't. However, so many things in life influence the importance of my first existence that I can't help but wonder why I'm not important enough to remember at the beginning. It is always at the end when you come to realisation that that thinking is simply selfish.
A note to readers and to my 21 year old self, don't ever try to leave your friends or remove contact for any reason. You'll regret it big time, trying to remedy your mistake is going to be really difficult. Whether your friends are a bad influence or not, if he or she still lends an ear for you, the best you can do is lend yours back.
Or you'll end up like me, no one to really trust, no one to talk about it in real life.
All reduced to texts that is hard to show any emotion whatsoever.
21 year old self, read this again when you get to UK, remind yourself that you still have your family, and they are always with you, wherever you are.
Look forward to the future, look forward to the new friends you will make, look forward to the rest of your life.
I can't anymore, can't think straight. Good night.
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