Please, as a friend.

Only some readers will know who i am talking about. After reading this, if you know who i am talking about, i encourage you to write your concerns to this person i'm talking about, by any methods, by any means necessary. It is best to show, we as friends, are clear that we mean no harm but to only to let the person know, our intentions is peaceful and only want the best for this friend.


I just wish you do not, in any way, do something that will be hurtful behind;
just be direct with how you feel towards this friend when your uneasy.


What i will write, does not concern one person only but it concerns to the general,
in some way you will feel that some similarities on the following points, are present within you too.

You know what i say,
will be about you.


Is life always hard?
Have you ever step down from being superior and look at things in a peaceful and equal way?


I'm afraid to talk to you.
Every word, every sentence i make,
i have to avoid making you angry.


But even so,
You're already angry with everyone,
who makes mistakes,
who has less understanding,
who has different views,
who has different ideas.


I couldn't ask you anything personal,
even though i'm concern about your well-being.
You never opened to others, yet others will open to you gladly.
Is that fair to friends, receiving but no giving?


I'm getting tired of this fear,
i'll never be able to understand,
because you don't let me.
Why do you mostly share feelings of anger and hatred to me?
Do you think i like receiving them?


To others, you may be the leader, the one who stands tall,
while others follow you.
To the closest of your friends, we know that's only the surface of you,
your despair and frustration; your sensitive side,
are just buried shallow enough for us to know it's there.


Even if people can not satisfy you're expectations, standards or rationality on things,
yes, they maybe wrong and cause consequences, but do they deserve to be hated?
Anyone would agree that when a person feels he/she is not in total agreement,
will talk about it to the person he/she is not in agreement.
Not keeping it from the person and tell it to somebody else,
it's unproductive, unnecessary and immoral.


Life is unpredictable, bad things happens, bad decisions are made.
If we accept this fact, we accept mistakes, which are steps to improve ourselves better.
So without mistakes, how is a person going to improve?
Human make mistakes, this is so common to everyone as we make mistakes in everything,
unless we have not done a single thing within our will.

This is a way of life, if you understand this, you would not get angry with what i have to say to you here,
you would understand that without putting on too much expectations on your friends, putting anger upon yourself and despise others so easily, life would seem so easier.
To be honest, i once was like you, yet what has it given me? i lost my trust with friends and eventually lost all of them, one of the reasons was because i expected too much in a friend.


If you continue to be like this, you're bound to lose more than you can chew.
I just hope you would be able to read this, because this is the only way i can carefully put my thoughts in a way no misunderstanding is present,
Have you always been like this? You've changed and not for the better.
As a friend and being me, i'm only willing to be neutral and able to advice through here because i'm no good with words in real life.








Please, as a friend.
I don't want to see you live your life this way,
i just wish you could enjoy more of your life and live with less conflicts.

You know what?

I just have to this, to tell this not just you but everyone that is in concern.

I received a message and i would liked to just say,

No amount of guilt can one like me right now can experience.
It's too late to say i'm sorry,
i just think i should've known better.

If anyone thinks i don't care about my friends feelings due to the previous post,
well you're right in some way, why?

Because people around me are changing, or more directly saying,
This may sound pathetic but yes,
since Junior left college, i don't have anyone helping me, be closer with my friends.
I've realized once it happens, i'll just be some guy who doesn't socialize as much as i used to.
But i still want to, which really frustrates me to see myself sitting there doing nothing.
To add in even more, due to my results, i don't bring my camera to college just for fun anymore.
Which just makes it even more harder for me.
Do you think it's easy to live my life without ever seriously talking to somebody?
Most people can easily have conversations to friends, i don't have the luxury of that.
I just can't seem to respond fully with my mouth, it's a habit of mine to think more than i should say.

It's hearbreaking, to know someone actually has been supporting me and have the courage to slap me in the face with this message. I can't be any more grateful for this person to open my eyes. I'm letting people down, and i hate the feeling of it.

So what i'm trying to say is, is that we may not talked much, but i still do care about what my friends are going through, it's just that i didn't take the initiative to ask, i usually just assume that they don't want to talk about it to me, because it's hard to position me to where i should be in your list. No one's comfortable talking about their personal lives, but it's just what i wish to share people i'm close with, face to face. However, it seems even the closest of my friends wouldn't do the same for me. I'm at a lost and the only place left for me, is here. It's where all my frustrations go, it's where i share my personal life, but again, it's hard for me to know you really read my posts and had given thoughts on it, until something like this was thrown into my face.

What more can i say? i haven't talk to anybody much these days so i guess i looked at things only in my way. No matter though, i don't plan on trapping myself in my own world, i wish to see our world as a brighter place to be in. I have all the things to look forward to recently that i might get carried away if i don't control myself. Life's only gloomy when i write it down.

People that i haven't really talk to much, hmmm i think most of you all are, but i nearly haven't spoken to Junior, See Wei, Jo Ann, Michele, Chester's group and friends from Marcus there in person. Yeah, when you take into account that i only have college friends now, i've only spoke to a few this past few two weeks. I hope in time will change that sad fact.

Jake's here to tell you, i'm sorry for not knowing and was too self-centered about my views and only mine that blinded me from what is the truth and what i should have always believe in. I love my friends, but it's both heartbreaking to not have been knowing they share the same feelings and to know some can't always be the close friends you once were.

You could just walk on your own. [September 2010 Summary]

Hmmm i guess i'm always looking forward to "month-ends", who really reads my blog, i can't be certain any other people than my friends, but one thing's for sure, since the beginning of it, i had 4000+ hits. Probably not really high considering it has been two years of blogging, though i get an average of 300+ per month hits now, don't know who comes here and read my blog, but thanks a bunch.

Part of my reason to blog is to have someone listen to me. Since day one of my blog, during that time i have no one i can easily talk about my life, usually friends are for this kinds of things, without failure of expressing it as much as possible. To be honest though, those days are coming back to a certain degree; though my physical self may have become a bit alone nowadays, i guess my mind has been free from solitude confinement ever since day one had begun. In some way, i'm ok with being alone again.

Haven't shared anything personal in real life ever since A-Levels ended. It does seem, even though WHIC had been made for so long, it's never gonna be enough to help me bond with friends in real life. Do i really know that's true? Hmmm, good question, i guess nobody actually sees how i go through my life nowadays, more or less it's because i sulked alot in this blog, who knows, people might actually think i'm an emo person which they are probably right to some extent.

This are not Sept's summary, just a few things i wanna clear up.

1. I don't socialize in real life, in a way that people won't think you as a friend that can be trusted entirely in terms of secrets and personal stuff. Because? don't know, maybe i blog about them / vigorously taken pictures and videos of them? Well, for anyone that is interested, i don't blog people's personal stuff, directly and clearly, usually i write enough ambiguity in my posts that only a selected few will know what i'm talking about when i give some minor details. Furthermore, i privatized albums/videos in Facebook, which in other words, i've blocked everyone except the people closes between you and i. Anything that's too sensitive to be shown in any form of content, i won't tell/show under any circumstances until the owner changes his/her mind otherwise. Conclusively say, i don't like misunderstanding between people, it causes unnecessary hate and frustration which i've constantly voice out this opinion of mine that simply hating a person for something that is still forgivable, is just stupid.

2. And leads me to say, why somehow, i've got nothing to talk about in real life, as i have written 90% of my life here. Not a good reason to be anti-social but i don't share personal stuff, is because people don't wish to tell theirs. Can't really emphasize much on my life about this fact, because since class started, no one seems to be suitable for this kinds of things no more.

3. I don't want to talk about this, because i'm tired of saying i'm alone/anti-social. I don't talk but i do have feelings, feelings coop inside of my head and only finally releasing to here. It's really saddening to watch friends talk between each other,  you just wish you were invited into the conversations; i've always believe it to be rude to invite oneself into somebody's business, so i've never been a busy body person in my entire life.


4. Another thing i realized is that i don't take the initiative to do things unless driven by interest or forced by something. Which i have incurred drastic consequences in my life. For what ever reason, i should not be spoon fed. Somethings just don't require thinking, you just have to do it, etc asking a girl out or in other words do something regardless of how unsure you are about it. A person that thinks too much? i guess it's going to be hard but nothing's done when you don't start trying. I'm always afraid of getting disappointed and sad in my life that i chose the safer paths, should've sooner known that i have been always disappointed and sad from time to time.

Enough of opinions and clearing ups, it's time for....

[My September 2010 Summary]


1. Classes started, friends changed, i'm back to square one, similarly only.

2. I've officially stopped regularly making WHIC episodes, but good news is i will still make episodes from the past, the only bad news is that i'm not going to take any pictures/videos at college that's all. Kim, unless i have some more motivation, i will put past WHIC episodes my top priority, but seems like most people don't bother about it and i have no interest in doing something people won't even appreciate my effort, note i have a higher standard of appreciation, not just "Like" the videos i've uploaded, i can do that myself.

3. My mum went to the hospital to get one of her failed kidney removed a couple of weeks ago, was one of the times i told myself to improve myself and strife better for my life and her to be proud of. Thankfully the operation was a success, although currently the wound my mum carries will not recover so soon since it was quite a major surgery my mum had. Been trying to take care of my mum while's living my life.

4. Busy with prom works/studies, but i can still go through all of it, little by little. Had fun, made friends, satisfied with life. What more interesting stuff has happened to me?

5.Tied in a game with Marcus, considered a remarkable achievement for me. Though i decided in my dream(really, it's true), that i'll paint all my army, then only i'll start playing again. I've got the necessary paints and brushes, i guess it's only right to prioritize this part of my hobby first rather than play an army that is growing but remain dull to look at. Expect a really colorful army, wargamers/readers, finishing sometime in November, most probably.

6. Continuously talked to this person in the internet for more than a week now, "quite interesting" is the best i can describe about this happening, just hope i'm not getting boring. Who doesn't like a listening ear that responds to you? One of the nice little things that happens in my life. Makes you wonder if it get's creepy if you step up a notch, ahh again with the thinking.



Well, those are the top things that happened in September, anything else might stray away from facts to merely opinions, wishing there could be more things in this month but i guess it's considered enough for me. I wonder what October is in store for me, abandonment of a friend perhaps? hahah probably not.

This is Jake, hoping my readers had a great September 2010 too.