Note: Another very long post, don't read if you are really sleepy, hahah.
I certainly learned a lot this year, either through myself, being with others or just by observing them. The trip, the prom, the exams, they all thought me things about my life. One thing i can certainly point out is that our lives will always have some hardships, downturns and regrets but as you step a bit backwards and see yourself, all that time you had fun learning and playing or happy because of it, probably exceeds those bad times in your lives, which is why being optimistic; being able to let go of things easily, will most likely make our lives a little bit brighter than usual.
Another thing i learned for sure is as we keep moving on in life, it is inevitable to avoid some changes of yourself or others but that indicates that we're growing although it's still not to the point of maturity; As i realized that although learning and understanding about being a person, i would find it hard to actually apply or getting used to doing the right thing. Like trying to be helpful to others, although i know it is the right way of being a person, i couldn't do more than just helping people open doors or share an umbrella to a person; anything more than that, i would need time to think how it should be done, because i'm just not used to doing stuffs that are new to me.
The prom night and trip to Melacca were practically awesome should i say although there are those little setbacks present from now and then, but still, i find myself forgetting about them when i see happiness in myself and others; enjoying ourselves fully.Every single guy in the prom looked cool and handsome while every lady there looked elegant and beautiful. No, i'm not lying, if you ask me, i would say there were little variations to be compared between them all. Every time spent with all of them is another exciting time and memorable time, it just hurts my heart that i won't be seeing most of them later in time, in truth i was always ignoring the fact about our timely separation, i didn't want to think about it until the very last moment that we could still see each other, if not, i wouldn't be able to enjoy most of my time with them thinking how much i would be missing them afterwards.
Thinking about my friends and how they would treat each other is just heart warming and i'm really grateful to have them, whenever one of us are down with something, we would surely show some concern for him or her immediately without hesitation. It seems to be ridiculous but i think such kindness from them, i would never be able to pay back any time soon. I still wonder when i would truly be able to find the strength to say such words to them personally and not just by writing them down into words, it is shameful i guess.
Change, one of my secondary friends asked me if i could see that they have some how changed, i couldn't be sure after only for a short encounter, yes some things are certainly clear that they have changed but our true selves stays with us, the changes we see in ourselves is just us, growing and moving forward in life as i had said before. The problem is, the change from me is moving myself further away from them, a barrier of difference between them and i was created. I could see that i wasn't the 'me' in my secondary school life because i feel that all of them seemed so foreign to me now or has it been such a long time that i had forgotten about something important that is able to held us together? is that bond truly lost? Whatever it is, i can never turn back now.
After looking at Junior's great performance, i think i have the courage now to prepare myself for the next audition. It has always been my dream to perform on a stage, now i have the time to do so, all i needed was one small push from my friends.
The Melacca trip was the most memorable event with my friends ever in my life, it's really all thanks to Marcus, he planned everything and lead us all the time, words can't say how truly Marcus was burden with such responsibility, i felt guilty that i wasn't able to do much to lessen his stress. He's a true friend that i think we should all respect and trust with our lives.Without him, the trip won't be as much fun or move as smoothly as it had.
Thanks to Marcus(again), Junior, Kean Hoe, Lee Tat, Mei Quin, Kim, Elaine, Michele, Andrew, Nick, Ethel, Soon Guan, Winnie and others for the talks, chit-chat and randomness. You all certainly made me had a wonderful time in college, and made me feel there is a place at your side, thank you.
Truth or Dare, was the thing i was most reluctant to play but i still managed to be only taken two truths for it. To be honest, it was hard for me to answer the questions because i seriously needed time to thought out the words that are gonna come out of my mouth but sadly not much was said although i truly wanted to say it out loud, well, because maybe it might be relieving to actually say it out loud rather than just blogging it here. Another thing i want to say is that the second question, about who i had feelings for among my college friends? I think even though only little was said, much of it blurry truth and lies while i still have a lot more to say about. Quite frankly, i have mixed feelings about it when comparing to just the past few months, before that i think i had feelings for someone in the college and maybe more than just one, but recently i think its just confusion; unable to truly understand these feelings; now i actually don't really care as much as i do in the past. And yes what i said during the questioning was still true because to truly able to be interested in someone, i shouldn't be just having feelings for her, it might just well be my hormones going crazy, so i often try to understand deeper about the person first, get to know her better but that's my problem, i don't really have any guts to do so.
What Junior told me though, "if you just think too much about that girl, you'll probably end up lonely for a long time because you had never even taken the first step." Well, i guess those words holds a lot of truth in it but it certainly confuses the hell out of me too, leaves me thinking hard on what to do about my loveless life. Maybe I just haven't taken the first step, or maybe i just haven't met her yet, who knows, i have been waiting with all my teen life for someone to miraculously to truly be with me but, should i no longer wait for such a fantasy to happen?
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