Second last day for both this month and Chinese New Year. I always tell myself, the more tired you get today, the more fulfilling it was for you because you just made the most of your day by doing something.
And surely every time i get so tired, i'd never felt it was a waste of my time, my college mates and i went for a small visiting to my, Junior's, Kean Hoe's house. Another event that's unique to me, probably it's everyone's first experience with visiting places other than their own hometown. Though there was a lot of people that couldn't which is regretful to some point i would get annoyed but those thoughts were made when i was moody, really, it doesn't bother me. All of us will always have walls that we can't climb over to reach what we wanted, either it was an old one or newly built, no matter what we do we just can't climb over it and if we were to break that wall separating from our goal, consequences might be worse than reaching that goal. I think i had always made that kind of decisions, to spend time with friends, i will either sacrifice time with my family or even worse, thinking i'm moving further from my family. For me, i had to make decisions for three things, most importantly it is my family, my friends and then myself.
And it's really confusing how to balance and make the right decisions. What actions that would have me deciding would be between education and entertainment. Education, i wouldn't just put studying in here, i think life in itself is education; leaving me to choose from teaching myself disciplinary in life, or teaching myself freedom of life which i would consider it to be entertainment, the former benefits to my family, i made principles that would not stray myself from my goal in reality; the latter benefits myself and to my friends, i learned how to be more communicative with people and think more about other people's feelings. Both choices sacrifices something, to achieve my goal, i have to restrict or sacrifice something that neither i would like to do so.
You never know when you would have made the right decision, you'd always think what if i did differently, that's life and time for you, time never lets you restart in life and life never lets you have enough time. I've made choices, either mostly bad or mostly good, i don't know, but one thing i know is that, after making them, there would be another one, as you make more choices, you'll always make a better one.
I heard once some DJ from the radio said that "Most people are greedy because they always think of things they want to have but not the things they just really needed" It holds some truth to it but other than materialistic things, what about feelings? Do i want your love or do i need your love? It's something that has always bothered me, either i wanted it or needed it didn't matter because love isn't controlled by greed or the mind, it's controlled by your very heart. Nobody wants to live a lonely life, that's why there's family and friends. But then again their love wasn't enough, you wanted someone who could literally love and connect with you and you could do the same with that person.
Have i found that person? I don't know but i wish it was you.
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