Stress, it worsens everything.

[First time writing a blog at a cafe, it’s a nice feeling, though this is going to be posted at home. :D]


Lately i have been myself, too extremely though, i get annoyed easily, i get suspicious all the time, i get too caught up in something, i study too much.
To be optimistic, i need to be tolerant, but being tolerant makes me stressful, which in turn doesn’t make me optimistic, Sometimes i wonder how i should deal with stress, is it inevitable that i will eventually give in to stress?

Even more, i’m easily stressed out, how am i suppose to be optimistic in this way? With my will or not, i easily get frustrated with something i can’t do, yeah, somehow i’m a person that hates losing at something i’m suppose to be good at, or something i have worked hard on, i’d feel regretful and start to think had what i did before meant anything in the present. In time though, i try tell myself to work even harder, each time it’s not enough, the thought of not being able to improve myself just pisses me off. Starting from this month, it seems like my studies is starting to piss me off quite often, no sufficient time for studies and i don’t seem to improve in them.
Though i would be positive and would just continue to work harder, i was still stressed even if i don’t care about it, then it would eventually find it’s way to tell me i’m stressed, like expressing it in frustration and sarcasm in the littlest of things people ask or do. Yeah, i can do heart-piercing sarcasms to people if i want to, i can easily think up of something really sarcastic and cruel to say faster than what i would normally should say, luckily that can be controlled even if i’m in stress, a little bit.


Trying to separate fun time, work time and study time is hard, i succeeded in doing so but makes my life feel rigid, i feel like i have lost freedom, That’s why i suddenly have the urge to just release my from obligations and just sit around at this cafe. In a way, this releases my thoughts, furthering it with some blogging done. But then again, after this, i’m heading back to reality again.


I wouldn’t have such a miracle happening after this week, this is the only week i’m given to drive, next week it’s just going to be riding the train or being fetched.


There are times i can’t do anything about my stress though, i get easily frustrated thinking about something when i’m driving alone. It’s the time i would curse in my mind at the crappy radio stations i’m listening to and the horrible traffic i’m facing. One thing i wouldn’t expect to come to mind at the last moment, it eased me completely,  when it was just the moment i just wanted to stop thinking.


it was from my heart, it was something i buried in it for quite sometime, the image of her just gives me peace instantly, i don’t know why but, if it’s something my mind can’t control, it must be my heart. I didn’t mind to have her in my mind in such a time, i welcomed it gladly. I’m glad there was still something i could hold on to in this dire times, I'm glad i loved you.