Blue Christmas

I always have looked forward to Christmas for some reason,

though it's always the time of the year my heart aches the most,

because it's the last time i truly had fun with my old friends,

it's also the time i said goodbye to my old-long crush, before new year.

it reminded me of the movie Christmas Carol starring Jim Carrey,

which i cried because it emphasized the importance of loving and sharing.

Compare to CNY, this was just filled with emotional crap in it.

Annoying isn't it? Because almost everyday i complain and criticize about my status?

well i have to apologize, this is uncontrollable, i'm that sensitive about myself no matter how i rationalize it.

In fact the more i rationalize, the more my heart tries to fight back by stopping for a few virtual moments.

self-centred and crazy as i would described myself, i subconsciously believe love should be given to me,

yet i know to be loved, you must work to earn it.

Hypocritical of me? yes, bite me.

Heart: Who cares, i want her to love me without me doing anything.

Mind: Keep on dreaming.

Heart: I will but i'll also constantly annoy you until you break and let me do things my way, LIKE LAST TIME. *Evil laughter*

Mind: Over my dead body.

[READ THE WORDS BELOW FASTER]

I seriously hope that doesn't happen, AGAIN, because it's dumb and never works and also it's really creepy if the girl has no firetrucking interest in you. Seriously, just ask me about it, it'll creep you out too.

Yeeeahh, if you know me in person and read my blog,

you probably think i have a split personality or something,

well, i don't, not exactly, because this is virtual, the internet,

i can do whatever i want, no one real is gonna punch me,

probably only when we meet in real life but that's not the point,

the point is i'm emo but not that kind of emo emo,

just emotional and selfish.

Seriously, sometimes when i read back my blog, 

i want to kick my own ass for being such a whiner.

But whatever that has been said and done,

i'm still the same guy who's like a robot,

which only responds when it is interacted with.

Completely oblivious of whatever i wrote in my blog,

i never mention about my feelings unless forced to,

you know who you are, the one who used the force on me,

not that i don't like it but,

seriously awkward being my "blog self",

i felt defenceless, in other words, i felt like i wasn't wearing any clothes,

metaphorically.

Good thing it only happens when someone actually wants to talk to me,

and about me, not "for the sake of being polite" kind of talk,

screw those kinds of talks although it is still necessary nonetheless.

So. it's a good thing, it's a good thing.

Really.

Yeah, i'm kinda lonely and i need someone, 

someone whose female, shorter than me, has a funny personality, 
interested in geeky stuff, preferably good looking, likes guys like me(a loser), 
yeah i'm indicating you, imaginary friend. 

not the guys of course, screw you guys.

nah i kid,

but seriously guys, i don't need you in that way.

LIKE ME IN MA FACEBOOK PAGE!!!!