It doesn't suck, it's just somehow boring.

I'm probably just denying my life is exciting, if viewed from an optimist.

Well, not like i want it to be this dull and lonely, there is a never a time i wish i could be a kid again.
It would be nice to feel that pure happiness again.

The dull part of my life would be knowing most of the general knowledge in life and not being surprised by things in life. Normally, thinking ahead is a good thing, but it makes things boring, everything people do, there's only a few things to expect, it feels like i covered every results of it.
Virtually, i have thought of everything an average teenager would be able to and have prepared for anything that i may have to face. It feels like the only thing i'm looking forward to is growing up; the things i'm doing now, feels only necessary, i don't gain any excitement or pleasure in it anymore.

In the next 5 years, a relationship, won't work, but i can see that i will constantly feel empty, yet i can never do a thing about it and will really care less about trying to fill it with something. Until i see a future between "us", it's not gonna happen, no matter how lovely it can be, no effort put into love, means it's not true, no matter how much a person verbally says it.

Friends, i can't say much, i haven't spend any quality time with anyone besides my family during this semester. Or more truthfully, i just didn't try to contact any of them, they have their lives, they have their closer friends, even more truthfully, i didn't even take any steps to get closer with them. When confronted with my issues, it just gets uncomfortable and i avoid it or pretend i'm alright. Why, it would be i don't like when and where it was confronted, in real life, nobody really notices about you until you care for someone first or just confess it randomly. It's not like in the movies where suddenly your in a cool and nice place, and you start talking to each other personally, that only happens in movies. I confess, previously i had always believed this kind of talks happen naturally without any given effort for it to happen, to think how naive i am still to this time.

I'm just feeling bored and pissed about myself, all my problems have always been self-made but i insist that it's not my fault, i have always been subconsciously lazy about my social life i guess, as i have always been, a lazy pig.

Meh, i know it's late but, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year anyways.