29 May 2011

Never asked why.

Just wanted to get this off my chest. Life has been dandy after exams, doing things i want, like progressing my wargaming hobby, whilst generally being productive and improving myself physically and mentally. So i just want to say it out rather than keep it in my mind.

It's really simple but has been bugging me ever since, I'm not blind to see that Kim has a Facebook account again, nor did i not notice that she has added everyone else except me for the pass few days. I was heart-broken at first, but then i thought to myself, why? Too many possibilities. Of course, i wouldn't be ignorant about it relating to what happened before in late March. Though, would it be just that? I thought more, and the more i thought, it came down to my behaviour. Creepy, pessimistic, realistic, uncaring, over-obsessive and impulsive behaviours, all shown in here. If i was her, i couldn't trust myself nor feel at ease in my presence.

It's probably for that reason, i don't want to ask her why. Sure it may clear things, but, i know how i was and how i will be in the future. For that i don't blame her, as minuscule a thing as accepting a friend request, i was offended, but i don't blame her. For a man that puts commitment and rationality as first priority, i'm unstable in every single way. I sought for no forgiveness, but only to move forward without my past haunting me with every step i take.

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