I have to say, my blog's all about realising something at some point in time, though there is also the occasional things about my life.
Like, yesterday I helped the majority of the CNY reunion steamboat (originally dinner) for the college gang. It was more or less a success because it's just a pretty simple eat-out in the end.
Do I feel satisfied? Here comes the darker side of me,
no, I don't feel great about it. I didn't want to do it in the first place, doing gatherings does not benefit me in a emotional/societal way. The number of people coming for it didn't matter, we're more or less talking to the ones we wanted to go with, the bigger the number, the harder for people to talk to people way beyond your convenience.
I'm a person who likes intimacy, the atmosphere at the place was unsettling as any buffet restaurant would be like. If I would or I wanted to, I'd invite a few people close to me, just go some place that our minds could be at peace and let our hearts pour out. But that's wishful thinking for me, I don't have such like-minded friends.
To which I realise when I was driving back home alone again, my only reason to help Chew Teng with this event, was for selfish reasons. No doubt I'm not satisfied because the reasons were not accomplished. I gave love another chance, I gave one more girl that chance to prove me wrong that I can't find someone who loves me back. But I guess I proved myself to be a coward, clueless as to how to approach it.
I guess "kindness" does not show one's feelings. The only thing I can say is, I lack the charm in real life.
Hah, f*cking nerd thinks he can get a girlfriend. Dream on, boy, dream on.
Happy Chinese New Year, everyone.
Like, yesterday I helped the majority of the CNY reunion steamboat (originally dinner) for the college gang. It was more or less a success because it's just a pretty simple eat-out in the end.
Do I feel satisfied? Here comes the darker side of me,
no, I don't feel great about it. I didn't want to do it in the first place, doing gatherings does not benefit me in a emotional/societal way. The number of people coming for it didn't matter, we're more or less talking to the ones we wanted to go with, the bigger the number, the harder for people to talk to people way beyond your convenience.
I'm a person who likes intimacy, the atmosphere at the place was unsettling as any buffet restaurant would be like. If I would or I wanted to, I'd invite a few people close to me, just go some place that our minds could be at peace and let our hearts pour out. But that's wishful thinking for me, I don't have such like-minded friends.
To which I realise when I was driving back home alone again, my only reason to help Chew Teng with this event, was for selfish reasons. No doubt I'm not satisfied because the reasons were not accomplished. I gave love another chance, I gave one more girl that chance to prove me wrong that I can't find someone who loves me back. But I guess I proved myself to be a coward, clueless as to how to approach it.
I guess "kindness" does not show one's feelings. The only thing I can say is, I lack the charm in real life.
Hah, f*cking nerd thinks he can get a girlfriend. Dream on, boy, dream on.
Happy Chinese New Year, everyone.
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