Hello, it's that time of the month. Where reality sets in deep again and I have to lug my heavy self from it again.
But let's talk a little about how I'm doing these days, we more or less know what a train wreck this mind is like.
My preparations for studying abroad, I got my CAS letter and most of my things done. The results I got were surprising as usual, I imagined I did worse than my first year, like a stock exchange, my grades gradually goes up and then comes down, so I never really know what to expect.
I could actually go to Cardiff with this, but I like to be certain of entering a university in UK, besides that Aberystwyth is cheaper and supposively easier to study. Now I just need to do my visa application.
Barely just two months away from leaving my home for 9 months. I'm both anxious and excited to go there, it seems staying away from college just doesn't satisfy for me, I needed more closure. There's a few who are going to the same university with me, although I thought about living at the same residence, I decided it was better if I met other people. The lingering past just won't go away if I kept clinging to it ever so slightly.
It does seem to have a negative effect when it comes to a one-sided 'contact', I wanted to know how some of my friends are doing, but knowing somehow hurts me. Because I'm not there when they are happy, or is it because I'm not the one to give that happiness? I just know the more that I knew, the more cloudy my mind gets and it's wrong to be this way.
It's hard to imagine a life with my old friends in the future, the friendship is more or less decaying ever slowly. They say when you meet one in a long while, we'd talk as if we used to in the past, what if that chance never befalls to you? The only thing I can imagine properly is my unknown future, an exciting yet lonely world is ahead of me.
I've got a few plans and activities to do when I'm at UK. First and hopefully they have an active wargaming club that I can frequent to, if not I'd be spending most of my time painting my miniatures instead. I always had an interest in archery but there's no where in Malaysia to properly learn so I'm planning to join the archery club in the university. Shooting a target at long range just tingles my bones somehow.
I'd probably go to Venice as my main travelling experience if I was to travel to the European countries. A city that is surrounded by water, and not only that; artistry, architecture, music and culture. I hope to experience these things. Paris, to visit the museum which holds the art of Mona Lisa and other masterpieces. Italy for Eiffel Tower and Tower of Pisa, Rome for the aqueducts and the Coliseum.
The adventure aside, I'll be missing my family the most, I do wonder how I am going to fair with a life with myself and flatmates and classmates. Things would be very different. That is the most curious part of my stay at abroad. Sometimes I think the worst possible situation, an apocalyptic end away from family? I hope it's the zombie version so at least I can try and travel back to find my family.
But let's talk a little about how I'm doing these days, we more or less know what a train wreck this mind is like.
My preparations for studying abroad, I got my CAS letter and most of my things done. The results I got were surprising as usual, I imagined I did worse than my first year, like a stock exchange, my grades gradually goes up and then comes down, so I never really know what to expect.
I could actually go to Cardiff with this, but I like to be certain of entering a university in UK, besides that Aberystwyth is cheaper and supposively easier to study. Now I just need to do my visa application.
Barely just two months away from leaving my home for 9 months. I'm both anxious and excited to go there, it seems staying away from college just doesn't satisfy for me, I needed more closure. There's a few who are going to the same university with me, although I thought about living at the same residence, I decided it was better if I met other people. The lingering past just won't go away if I kept clinging to it ever so slightly.
It does seem to have a negative effect when it comes to a one-sided 'contact', I wanted to know how some of my friends are doing, but knowing somehow hurts me. Because I'm not there when they are happy, or is it because I'm not the one to give that happiness? I just know the more that I knew, the more cloudy my mind gets and it's wrong to be this way.
It's hard to imagine a life with my old friends in the future, the friendship is more or less decaying ever slowly. They say when you meet one in a long while, we'd talk as if we used to in the past, what if that chance never befalls to you? The only thing I can imagine properly is my unknown future, an exciting yet lonely world is ahead of me.
I've got a few plans and activities to do when I'm at UK. First and hopefully they have an active wargaming club that I can frequent to, if not I'd be spending most of my time painting my miniatures instead. I always had an interest in archery but there's no where in Malaysia to properly learn so I'm planning to join the archery club in the university. Shooting a target at long range just tingles my bones somehow.
I'd probably go to Venice as my main travelling experience if I was to travel to the European countries. A city that is surrounded by water, and not only that; artistry, architecture, music and culture. I hope to experience these things. Paris, to visit the museum which holds the art of Mona Lisa and other masterpieces. Italy for Eiffel Tower and Tower of Pisa, Rome for the aqueducts and the Coliseum.
The adventure aside, I'll be missing my family the most, I do wonder how I am going to fair with a life with myself and flatmates and classmates. Things would be very different. That is the most curious part of my stay at abroad. Sometimes I think the worst possible situation, an apocalyptic end away from family? I hope it's the zombie version so at least I can try and travel back to find my family.
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