College Post

Yup, i'm blogging in college, in the morning where almost no one had come to college. Anyways to summarize the reason it's just because i didn't have time to blog at home as most people are because of all that college works had been getting in the way of life.

Yesterday almost a half of the day i spent outside my house but not all the at college, some or mostly are wasted on traveling but it doesn't really bug me that much, have you ever tried waiting at the Kelana Jaya LRT Station, on the bridge and still be able to enjoy the view and refresh a little of your mind? Nah, maybe once in a lifetime i guess.

The wall to seperate me with social life had already begun to rebuild itself again as it was made strong with studying. Maybe(or always have) i think too much about every single little thing or, the other way round. I've complicated things like my relationships and my education and that prom thing.



Anyways, just another update -

Currently i'm busy learning how to edit videos using better programs like the adobe premiere, i find my videos lacking of professionality and uniqueness, as it turns out WHIC? is getting sort of random and i mean really random. Hence, i'm thinking of new ideas to make a better video, and maybe start to get some plot done for the series. But, i may still post something up, not the WHIC? series though, i'm just gonna experiment a few video clips with the new program i learning, you can pretty much say they are just tests so it won't be anything really awesome or what.

The prom? i guess i'm booking the ticket today since most of everyone's going. Looking at the price of it had me thinking 'should i really buy another one for someone?'; it's not cheap i tell ya but if there is someone really that special i would still buy it though. The trouble now is to wear what in a 'Rock N Roll' themed prom, dress like Elvis or Michael? Highly unlikely, yet.

Given up on the idea performing in the prom since i really lack of practice and everything else but still makes me wonder what would it be like if i dance on that stage, it be pretty awesome or pretty embarassing i guess but Junior's gonna try the audition tomorrow. If he succeeds(he will) then it would be make a much more interesting for an episode for WHIC?.. oops i let loose something out, heh.

Neglecting, avoiding, ignoring, slacking, procrastinating.

Heh, truth be told i guess.. i've been neglecting my education more or less than usual, sure i can pull up a few excuses for my negligence, like i spent 2 nights with my old friends and in that range of days i was tired as hell; or, i only focused on maths since the exam was on last Friday(which i tremendously had improved on) and for that i used the last three weekdays on that.

What's left? the weekends, yet i find myself typing this crap in the middle of the night of Sunday. And for that, more activities are sacrificed since i'm using precious time on this. Can't really blame anyone though, i just had a lot of things happened to me recently, emotionally and mentally i guess. Moreover on this, hopefully i will soon recover from such a depraved current state of me.

Prom again, but this one's about the audition thing, recently i just knew that the prom was auditioning for people to perform at the prom night ...of course i will always be shadowed by others as i still have really low confidence in myself. However.. i've always longed for something like this.. a stage that i could perform something unique or special to people and i still have that dream since secondary school.. of performing to an audience containing my families and friends.. to cheer and support me in the crowd. It may never happen though.. but.. well.. i can still dream about it, right? it's cost free..

Yet, with all that bragging about performing on a stage, what really matters is what i should be performing; dance, sing, or play an instrument? I don't really have those talents and/or had made practices for them. Oh how i hate time, i just so wish it could slow down for me.

I pretty much.. only have interests and a dream, what else do i really have?

Then again, prom.. i don't know.. i just don't know what to say about it, why am i making such a big deal out of it? Everyone else seems to be happy when they see prom night as just some party to go out with friends, should i think alike too, or should i reject immediately of such thoughts?

I can't really just ignore such questions.. it's impossible because it will always comeback to me every time i go to college, friends.. they just remind me of feelings like envy, jealousy and regret; and then, bringing forth hatred to myself.

I can't really just ignore things that will always irritate my heart oh so continuously; the cupid just keeps on kicking and punching heart whenever she appears before me.. yet so deserving for a person like me. I'm just easily moved by emotions, my actions could be controlled with a single request and my mind would not even try to stop my heart but instead it is controlled by it anyways.

Mature? i think not, the only thing that has matured is maybe my outer appearance, my inner-self is still young on the age around my secondary school time period. So full of himself yet so fragile at the same time.

Sorry for the weird expression of my thoughts.. i guess to summarize it is that i easily fall in love yet it is very hard for me to rise from it. Almost like an innocent girl in heart... maybe i just exaggerate it too much.

Life and death, two inseparable things.

There's this thing i've been wondering for quite some time now, i haven't brought it up because often do i forget about it but it still something that should not be spoken of lightly.

How close can i experience death without actually dying or being close to it? In actuality or in my own opinion, death is just the end of my life, in a sense that it's actually connected to it too. It really doesn't matter when or how you're going to die, it's just something that is inevitable for me.

Right after i realize this, life became a bit darker but at the same time, more freedom of the mind. There was X-Box commercial i saw said 'life is short, play a game', funny yet also so true to me because i think everyone would also have that same feeling of how our times went by quicker when you remember back about our past; and maybe, at the same time thinking of much quicker will it still go in the future or how much time you would still be left with. Thoughts like these are usually very scary, saddening and truthful but let's one to prepare the mind for the worst case scenario.

Hmmph, being anti-social and emo for such a long time makes one's mind full of such thoughts, eh? I tell you one thing for sure is that people will usually judge me that way because i would talk less, look upon the sky or seemingly looking through walls. Yup, i kinda developed the kind of thinking where i will usually assume how someone thinks of me, because that's how think of other people when i can only see their outer shells; i assume all having the same common sense of judgment of people and usually, i'm always correct on how people think of me.

You can pretend all you want in front of me, but know while you're talking to me or in my view, i'll be thinking why, why you are hiding your true view of me or in another harsher way to say it, why are you lying to me. There will always something else besides the expression on your face, because both of us have the same mind and maybe the very same thought patterns in them.

Judgment is in the hand of people, but suspicion will always reside in our hearts, the only difference is that have you realized it or not; in your subconsciousness, there always will be the existence of the question mark on a person.

Maybe i think too much, literally, almost 80% of my time, i spend with and for myself, just thinking, even if someone's there with me. Thus, probably had made me more mature or just delusional of reality... ..which truly frustrates myself.. anything i do, i'll think twice as long as other people before doing, almost retarded i guess. Oh by the way, don't say that i am wrong or you are the same because that just friggin pisses me off, be it you either are true of such statements or utterly faking, i just don't like it when people think fully of themselves.

Anyways, a little bit on current thoughts, recently there's been alot of hype about the prom thing, people just kept on asking me if i wanna go or with the usual 'should i go to the prom?' lines. Don't get me wrong, proms are nice(althought i never actually attended one) but.. sigh.. why do i care.. as if going to the prom with guys wasn't gay enough. I mean, to me, proms are usually hinting to me "get a lady to go out and have fun" but that's the problem and the whole stinking truth of me; i lack the confidence, i don't wanna go unless someone really nice wants to go out with me to the prom, sigh, damn my heart is hurting just by typing this out.

Sigh.. what am i saying..? i should have just asked someone to go with, too much thinking had made me hesitant and always having second thoughts, i slap myself in the face for it. Am i worthy to get a nice girl for the prom? do i have to go out with a girl for a prom? I'm just another loser.. i'm just a wuss.. i'm just a "Thinker"...negative thoughts again. Why can't i be a bit more daring and free minded..? Things like this happens once in a lifetime and i just ignore and wait for nothing to come towards and nothing will happen.

..maybe i'm the only one who's really hyped about it.. ughh..

A trip, that never ends.

Back from Sunway/Curve trip will former schoolmates.. and i gotta tell you something, i was first expecting a not so good trip since i wasn't a water-loving guy and this trip main fun was going to Sunway Lagoon. Well, again i was totally wrong and i'm glad i was, IT WAS AWESOME.

Throughout the entire trip, i would always think, this is real; it's happening; i'm not dreaming; it had happened. Even now i would think that trip was just a mere dream, maybe because i'm not used to this sort of things; maybe i was just only me but every trip i have went with friends are always exhilarating, never actually boring.

So it seems that there is still some of that bond between my friends, it had always holding onto me; kept on reminding me that life isn't as cruel as i would of always thought, yet it still forgets from time to time. But to remind me, i need only to witness the happiness of the people around me, then in turn it will also give joy to my world too.

Though the trip was most awesome but i'd still miss my family and would occasionally think of my college buds, they're also an awesome bunch . The trip has never swayed my feelings to only a side of me, they have always been equal to all the people i know.

Vids are still pending to be made since i don't really have much free time now.
I've been keeping my feelings and thoughts for too long because of my ever busy life, right now i'm barely staying awake to finish this post, that's how i would put it, T's that important to me.

It's been more than a week.

Uhhh got i find myself buried with things to do this past few weeks, even the break isn't helping me much to get some free blogging time... and now i've kinda lost that conviction to continue blogging but somewhere deep down inside of me still wants to anyways.

What more can i say? Exams, maths studies, videos, friends and family; All of them need to be planned out to have efficient time for each of them but mostly its just exams bugging since next week i'm gonna have to re-exam my maths paper, yeah i kinda suck at that but it's no big deal.

Heh, in truth it has only been a week since the last time i posted something to my blog although it actually felt like a few weeks time.

Would i say this was a bad week? Nah, actually only a bit on the side of 'bad' and more to the 'good' side. Sure exams stresses me a lot and a lot of reading(just reading) needs to be done. I've made my mind to think everything has it's advantages and disadvantages as most questions in test you would answer so why not life itself? Hence, not everything you've done are always negative or bad but there are always something good in whatever you've accomplished. Although this exam may suck this time but i made myself more prepared for the latter exam; the final exam.

Did i took pictures and videos this week? Yes ..and a bit more on the 'no'. Yup, the bad side about exams are that you put more effort into studying and forgo the less important things though which in dependence of time. But i'd still manage to muster enough materials to make my videos, it's starting become one of my hobbies too, be it a good thing or a bad thing for others or for myself; i'm still doing something i pretty much love to do.

But then again, there won't be much motivation if i'm just doing this for the sake of it, it's actually because my friends and family are supportive of this hobby of mine. Without their approval and support, i think i would've already stopped half way and would not even make the series WHIC?

So i thank you all, friends and family for supporting me and guiding me, thank you so much.

5 Things Happened This Week

I'm busy lately, i mean really busy lately, so there's hasn't really been a time for me to truly blog.
Just want to update this blog for now, maybe later i'll make a real post.

1. I'm making another vid again, maybe later i'll post it up.
2. Learning Adobe Premiere, hope to see better editing in future vids.
3. Finished maths exam, pretty disappointed and frustrated.
4. Thought Junior how to use a different path to college, brain hurts afterwards.
5. Traveling between Kepong and Rawang, occupied my friggin spare time.

5 Min Post

As you all know, econs class was splitted and although i went to the 'better' class, i didn't feel like celebrating or feeling abovely happy about, well, less time to befriend you guys which is really a major downside in my opinion, so i was more of shocked and sadden by the news than excited about it. So.. not really a time to cheer or say "I made it!" as i have mentioned before in one of my much more older posts which regarded about SPM and change of classes similar to the situation now.

I've also decided to try and plan something to get us together; maybe even a little chat on some free times. I may meet negative feedbacks from me and if it was the me before, i would have given up but not now, not in the future anymore, don't really care, i'll just try until you get sick of me calling your number.

Peace.

That vacation was short, but Penang was nice.

Yup, i'm back to my sweet sweet home, although i came back tired; mentally though i was not, full of things in life are still waiting to happen while more memories are being built.

Penang was great, although the journeys are tiring(even though i didn't drive lol), i try to find the positive things about it. Yeah i kinda hate traveling, especially long ones but i just calm my stressful brain and enjoy whatever it is that encounter.

And enjoy i did, mostly because of food and more food and MORE food. All thanks to my big bro, he was able to locate all the local famous food stores which were no where near the money-sucking Gurney Drive, just my personal opinion lol. Well i gotta say.. the girls over there are amazing lol. I was thinking 'Why am i living in Selangor all this years?" hahah but too bad, most of them are only fluent in Hokkien, darn it, gotta start learning the language. There was also a sort of concert too, called the Youth Jam '09, although it was kinda exciting to watch it but.. there was not much of a crowd, can't really get into the mood of rocking so i left early.

Luckily, the hotel i was staying in had INTERNET, woot. Saw a few people in MSN, since they didn't go out for Merdeka so we hang out in teh MSN Chatroom, lol. Counting-down was miserably impossible but we still did it anyways.

Well i won't say much because almost throughout the journey, i was making a video, filled with all sorts of random stuff which i'm still working on. Still got alot of scenes to take, mostly i'm helped by my family, giving me ideas and whatnot, very supportive about this movie making thing, heh. The title... still thinking about it because the film have funny food promoting vids with the additional of random fun. Maybe 'What's Happening to Jake?" might make it for another sequel, *SHOCKING*.

Posting this one up on facebook.. i'm still deciding.. cause.. i'm talking about the very face i could lose if i do it; lots of really embarassing stuff; even my bro was hesitant to help shoot the film, lol.

Well not planning on finishing it in the near future, got lots of studying to do but maybe the WHIC? series will still continue to have it's weekly episodes posted, just maybe.

Anyways glad to be back, hope to bump in to you again later.

PS: See that i don't really mind about econs? Hey wait a minute... what's econs again?