Heh, truth be told i guess.. i've been neglecting my education more or less than usual, sure i can pull up a few excuses for my negligence, like i spent 2 nights with my old friends and in that range of days i was tired as hell; or, i only focused on maths since the exam was on last Friday(which i tremendously had improved on) and for that i used the last three weekdays on that.
What's left? the weekends, yet i find myself typing this crap in the middle of the night of Sunday. And for that, more activities are sacrificed since i'm using precious time on this. Can't really blame anyone though, i just had a lot of things happened to me recently, emotionally and mentally i guess. Moreover on this, hopefully i will soon recover from such a depraved current state of me.
Prom again, but this one's about the audition thing, recently i just knew that the prom was auditioning for people to perform at the prom night ...of course i will always be shadowed by others as i still have really low confidence in myself. However.. i've always longed for something like this.. a stage that i could perform something unique or special to people and i still have that dream since secondary school.. of performing to an audience containing my families and friends.. to cheer and support me in the crowd. It may never happen though.. but.. well.. i can still dream about it, right? it's cost free..
Yet, with all that bragging about performing on a stage, what really matters is what i should be performing; dance, sing, or play an instrument? I don't really have those talents and/or had made practices for them. Oh how i hate time, i just so wish it could slow down for me.
I pretty much.. only have interests and a dream, what else do i really have?
Then again, prom.. i don't know.. i just don't know what to say about it, why am i making such a big deal out of it? Everyone else seems to be happy when they see prom night as just some party to go out with friends, should i think alike too, or should i reject immediately of such thoughts?
I can't really just ignore such questions.. it's impossible because it will always comeback to me every time i go to college, friends.. they just remind me of feelings like envy, jealousy and regret; and then, bringing forth hatred to myself.
I can't really just ignore things that will always irritate my heart oh so continuously; the cupid just keeps on kicking and punching heart whenever she appears before me.. yet so deserving for a person like me. I'm just easily moved by emotions, my actions could be controlled with a single request and my mind would not even try to stop my heart but instead it is controlled by it anyways.
Mature? i think not, the only thing that has matured is maybe my outer appearance, my inner-self is still young on the age around my secondary school time period. So full of himself yet so fragile at the same time.
Sorry for the weird expression of my thoughts.. i guess to summarize it is that i easily fall in love yet it is very hard for me to rise from it. Almost like an innocent girl in heart... maybe i just exaggerate it too much.
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