Well because of that, i think every time when i wanted to blog, i find myself out of ideas or out of thoughts as to what the hell should i bore people with? It's so bad that i think i'm having short-term memory losses these past few days.
Stress is one way to say its reasons but little by little i realize they are self-made and this stress thing slowly disappears. Self-made-stress probably are about love, relationships, responsibilities; the main ones i guess happens when you overly think about them as in technically, it is not as big as problem you think it is. True, sometimes(or often) i have stressed myself about not being acknowledged or loved as much as i want from people around me and it really feels really real and true, however if i try harder not to give in to my emotions and think for a second, i probably would it foolish of how i was behaving according to my emotions; i give in to my emotions to easily, too many times and moments of realizations of such facts are always too late to say "i was wrong on the outside and inside of me".
Well i'm kinda half conscious and half sleep, the things below i write might be deep thoughts about people around me recently, especially the college pals.
Junior
Probably one of the closest friends i made recently and a friend i trust and respect. What i really like about him is that he tends to be understanding of what other people feel and thinks and through that, tries to cope with them and make them comfortable while being with him. Maybe because of that i find myself able to sort of connect with him easily even though some things may not necessarily be relevant with each other.Though recently he's been kinda down, maybe the recent exams had hit him harder mentally and emotionally than i thought, well i can't do much to help him if he doesn't tell me what's troubling him, all i can probably do now is give some spiritual support, hope the obsidian crystal would help him in some way spiritually possible. It just gets me down too when a friend's not feeling good especially when i heard one of his close friends passing, i probably took a dive with him too, thinking "damn, just yesterday we had a good time, and suddenly this happened". Couldn't study properly, probably for a few days until i know he was a bit ok. He's a really nice person, a jolly good friend to have, i would say.
Kean Hoe
I would say he's a friend anyone would want to have; friendly, kind, generous. I think most friends in college i made are of this category but i find few of them that are truly nice like KH for an example. Sometimes I wonder how a person can turn out to be good while some turn out to be rotten eggs. True though, i always wonder what they are thinking, as probably i am sort of a half pessimistic-half optimistic guy, i tend to think bad thoughts about the person and maybe much more later, i would try to think good thoughts. Bad thoughts like "is he really doing this out of his heart?" and later good thoughts "i believe there's still good people like him out there." always runs through my mind when thinking about a person's true heart. Since because of my lack of communicative skills, like anyone i am in contact with All in all, KH is a great guy and probably same for all other's, i would like to know him better.
Marcus
Honestly, he's one of the coolest guy i have ever met, i'd say a real man hahah but seriously, like most of any other friends in college, he's made up of that goody stuffs that people would normally like. Since he's a year older than me, i find myself seeing him more of my senior rather than a "Junior" (lame joke, i know). Well, in truth, i learned a lot of things from friends even if just by interacting with them but i guess Marcus literally teaches me stuff; probably most of the time i speak english with him which generally mine sucks but he's one of the few persons i would have a chance to improve my english language. Like recently, he taught me how to play Warhammer (a tabletop miniature wargame) although technically useless stuff in real life but something that really gets my interests. Though, like any other friends i first would have met, i immediately assume he's hiding something, i probably will always have that thinking of everyone will have a mask to hide behind, the only difference is that how much is it covering up that persons face, i know i have one, probably only hides half of my face.
To be pathetically honest, i'd say only the three mentioned can be considered close or good friends and i'm assuming this thoughts are mutually similar for them too but i could be all too wrong about this, maybe it's just me but that's what i truly think i guess, words written here probably sound empty and fake but that's my only way expressing fully, it's almost impossible for the words like "i would like to thank you for being my friend" to come out from mouth and tell it in front of you, that's just gay.
May Jean
A true happy-go-lucky person? she's right here in this college and i managed to find two of such a rare breed(the other one being Kim), hahah. Hard-working, responsible and all that good stuffs makes MJ too with abit of that extra sensitivity of a girl, she's your typical 'innocent' girl. AGAIN to be pathetically honest, she's probably the first female friend i managed to have as a friend and able to have a bit more lengthly conversations with her when all the while before in secondary school i'd only greet and most of the later times, avoid contact with girls (i WAS emo, and maybe still a little bit). Wow, after writing that i think i'm REALLY noob in all of this stuff, saddening isn't? Aside from looks, i found her to have stressed herself too much over responsibilities and whatnot and at the same time, still trying be her normal self. Recently, only basing from my observations and inferences, she had busied herself with all the exams and don't even give herself much time for a break from it. OR maybe it's just me, what do i know? I'm anti-social, period.
Kimberley
Sometimes i think to myself, i should not have made friends with girls, at all; maybe because there's girls like Kim, these kinds, although having good stuffs like friendly, the MAYBE bad thing about it is that sometimes it might be considered TOO friendly. OR maybe i'm just timid but a girl that gets close to you like nothing's wrong while you're doing something or what, i'd think i would have the following thoughts of "What the poop!?" or "OMG, what's she doing so close!?" or my personal favourite "Uhhhhh.. ok.. just ignore her, Jake , maybe she'll go away". Well truth be told, it's not that bad once you get use to it, it's just her way of expressing herself, a carefree, kind, friendly and all that goody stuffs that she has. Oh and not to mention probably one of my third or second female friend i've considered to have recently made (again that sounds so pathetic).
Damn have to stop spouting out this poopy stuff. Anyways i'll postponed this 'confession' thing for now and i would like to say thank you and sorry to all my friends(i know i did this before but....); thank you for being a good friend to me even though i suck at being one and because of that i'm sorry for not able to be much of a friend or able to return back your kindness.
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