Forgotten, or not?

You know, i should talk to a friend, i haven't done that for a looong time.
I've almost completely left behind my old life, along with every friend i made in it.
Not a hard task to do, you just need to 'disappear'.
And what of the new life that should be?

I'm not even sure what's true friendship means to me,
i had friends in school,
i have friends in college.
What about friends in my life?

To be really frank towards myself and to the readers,
i technically, only have my family in my life.
Friends are just too far away from me, physically and mentally.
What do i want from them? Do i even have the right to ask this question,
when it feels that i'm a greedy and selfish person just by thinking about it.


I suck at being a friend,
I suck at working hard,
I suck at playing games,
I suck at socializing,
I suck at loving.

I literally just suck at life.
The decisions in life i made, founding out they were mistakes, it doesn't bide well for me, it just seems pointless and a waste of time.

But much more than a fool, i keep making the same mistake, thinking they are not wrong; that there is true friends, friends that sticks with you forever, that love is pure, no strings attached, that what ever i did for others, is going to make our bonds stronger, more willing to sacrifice as much as i did.

Alas, i haven't realize one more thing in my life, that my friends also have friends.
I admit, i'm greedy, i want more than just your acknowledgement of my existence,
i wanted to be someone special to you, that's why i make senseless attempts to achieve that.
But my attempts seemed insignificant, i could never achieve something as measely writing long deeply thought out posts or highly time consuming videos i've made.

At the end, the only thing i wanted in my life, was trying to make my life worth while for yours.

And i'm never going to stop trying to make senseless attempts win all your hearts, even if you all think it's really nothing special.