Decided not to go college for revisions since i know what topic i want to study for. Difficulty in forming an answer for CLR, considering Ms. Nalina needs "outside the box" answers, it's either 70% your opinion and 30% study stuff or it's 70% what she wants to know and 30% study stuff. With a lecturer and both the examiner like that, i can hardly form a suitable answer with her 'flexible' thinking that changes a bit every few months.
However, gives me a real headache since it needs me to get my ass off from procrastination completely. Still kinda stuck with the jury crap, had to do research since it seems the things provided by her was still not enough. Either way, i write my answers unconventionally which is a problem because it takes time to think, and i'm not a fast thinker.
Things do happen around me, but not much has changed. But it's better than nothing, hate spending most of my time just trying to look up cases, reports or reviews before procrastination starts again. Less than a month away i still seem to be really unprepared for the exams. This has to stop, no matter what it takes, sixteen questions to prepare is not alot, i have more than enough time. Mock exams being just around the corner does seem to cause me to panic to some extent.
My assignment works were kinda mediocre in my opinion although the viva results proved otherwise, did totally badly in it and i was so sure i was gonna fail it. They all fall in the range of 14 to 16, was expecting of it actually, but surprised my public law was highest amongst it since i used wikipedia for reference and Ms. Diana seemed really edgy about referencing. Was surprised Jessica was the one to ask me if i want to look at the results too, maybe she was 'scared'? I don't know but what was even surprising is she cried afterwards, until i heard from KH she was crying because Paul told her about Su Ning's marks being better than her, to which Su Ning scold him in doing so. In my opinion, Paul's just an inconsiderate jerk, i'd stay away from him as far as possible because he's a guy with a poker face, really dumb and whiny in a way.
Backing up again, why did Jessica cry actually? I would assume her self-esteem was 'hurt'? Whatever it was she wasn't really confident in facing her results in the first place. For me, specifically the current one, doesn't really give much into thought into end results, sad not really just being expecting of it and taking the hit like a man. I believe when you know what you're studying, if you give a certain amount of effort for it, you get back equally what was given, it's not the power of believing, but the equality sense of it. No amount of believing will let you have what you want if nothing is invest upon.
But whatever effort you put, you get something back, maybe not something you want but something you need. When you act, you may fail or succeed, but you will gain something at the end.
So what do i gain from solitude? Not much, just cultivating negative thoughts mostly. Honestly, i'm not distancing myself away any further than it is possible. More or less i just did nothing. I'm no different than Junior considering i do virtually nothing to keep in contact with friends. People have a saying that states friends are like having a second family, true/close friends to be exact. Sometimes i feel it's just right in front of me, other times or even most times it's not. I'm confused because things are different, for me. As things are how they are now, i have trouble thinking what is the past events between each other ever meant to be, a mere memorable past and that it shall stay in the past? But thinking on the other side, it's really just something of the past, for me it would be defined as having the most closest friend i ever had and had been able to cherish and strengthening that friendship through fun and joy, blood and tears, in my entire lifetime, i'm not joking. However, to others, i can understand it was a mere enjoyment in life, it happens not just between us but with others too.
But i just can't look at 2009 solely, so many things happen the next year i doubt anything would stay the same. But it is to my surprise things can change so rapidly in one year, yet i remain insistent of holding that it should continue to be like 2009 through our lives, but inadvertently i myself indirectly changed.
Digital recording was a part of my life for 3 years, yet i give up on it for the sake of studying better, i came to a quiet stand, i never remember how to be social without a camera at hand. To an extent, the camera was the same as me; quiet, listening, remembering, but it was braver in interacting with others in a way i can't.
I really just wish this semester would end. Ironically i want to start a new leaf afterwards, all over again. I just want to forget the past and do things that won't make me remember how wonderful it was in the past and then afterwards remember how it sucked later on. No offence, you're still my friends, just that i was going way overboard as to how that level of friendship really was, my mistake, sorry.
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