31 March 2010
A month of geekiness.
Morning, i wake up, brush my teeth, wash my face, expel unwanted liquid, tone & lotion my face, change my clothes, eat breakfast, gel my hair, prepare my bag and then off i go. Where? Study at classes, study at college, do homework at college and go back home and repeat the whole morning process again for the night.
Feels like i'm turning into a robot or something. Well, it's not that i don't want to relax myself, it's just that i don't how when i have nothing else to do. Exams coming and studying is all that comes to my mind; i don't have a car which means even more time spent at home either try to study or simply just sit my ass on the chair and facebook, twitter..
I've never been this hardworking before but even still i don't think i have worked hard enough, there's still a lot of blanks in my mind about things, still a lot of memorizing to be done. There doesn't seem to be enough time and enough effort for anything i do to work. It's always not enough.
But you know what, i don't seem to have a choice, but i don't seem to be really bothered about it. I'm just a guy that likes moving with the flow of the river, wherever it flows, i'll be dragged, when i want to reach to that destination which does not makes me swim against the river, i'll even swim harder to the destination, you know what i mean?
It's not like i don't want to go karaokes, movies and what not, it's just that i have obligations and restrictions either enforced by myself or fate. I understand this and i accept it, i also understand that others have their bumps on the road of life, sure i would still be impatient and annoy people for my needs but after a while, i would understand and just let it be.
You can say i'm almost carefree about life, i do what i want to do but i let fate decide the time and date for me, makes life easier. I really want to just relax, but i can't, subconsciously, i just push myself to study, i'd tell myself to study, doesn't matter what it is as long as i'm able to study, other things you can throw them aside and just, study. That's why i don't believe in finding the right time to do something, only the right chances and they can be found all the time as long as you let it be. One day i'll have the chance to sing karaoke, one day i'll have the chance to focus on wargaming, one day i'll have the chance to hang around and just chat with my lovely friends for a long time, one day we'll have the chance to go on a trip together again. It's only a matter of fate or where else some of you would believe such chance is planned by God and we shall wait for it to happen. Either way, we're all going to happy at the end, unless your an emo, hahah.
This final examination is important, i know it from the deepest depths of my mind, that's why like how i reject love, i will not reject study even my hearts tells me to. We all want something in our lives. but it takes a lot of guts to admit and suppress it.
Don't worry, be happy~~
28 March 2010
When your heart thinks for you.
Making the right and wrong decisions, to be honest, i didn't dwell much into it or plan to. I have always simply decide it right away on the surface. But there's always people that think deeply of it, like what extent of right is of an action until it becomes wrong and if it was only right when the majority of people agree to it too.
This kind of uncertainty will remain as it is, as far i can think, there's no right answer to those questions. For me i react on instinct, past experience and knowledge that is gained either naturally or artificially. Is it really that important to know this things? What do we really gain from thinking far beyond what we now can do?
When you act upon your heart,
you don't care about the consequences,
then why would you care if it was right or wrong,
isn't staying true to yourself is all about?
When you act upon your heart,
would a right or wrong in it,
exist?
There's no way to know that love is either a problem or not for your future. Because everyone has different views, some agree to this, some agree to that. It all comes back to just you, when you make that decision, you just make it; was it influenced by your parents, your friends, the media or education. If it was, then just let it be, it doesn't really matter as you think it really is, as long as you're happy with it; if your not happy with it, then accept the fact that it happened, it is just a thing of the past, i agree it may affect your life, but one thing you can do is, don't let it bother you mentally or emotionally for long. After a while, it's the same for all people that wants happiness, they just let it all go and forget.
Let bygones be bygones,
you've made the choice,
did it brought happiness or sadness,
it still happened anyways.
If it was wrong,
forgive yourself and put it in the past.
If it was right,
embrace and remember it as it really is.
I understand we can't accept such way of life when we're really down or emotionally agitated, it's practically fine, but we're human nonetheless, after that, most of us tend to just move on. Why be the least of us and bury your mind with thoughts that will always remain uncertain? Why torture yourself with, absolutely nothing but thoughts in your mind? When you think outside of the box on this matter, you're being free from social restrictions, confinements, moralities?
Are you living the life you wanted by doing this?
26 March 2010
Updating my other blog.
25 March 2010
There's more wanting than actual doing. FOR THE GREATER GOOD.
21 March 2010
I worked, but i am still studying.
17 March 2010
I'm a bad kid, this is fun :D
2. consumed alcohol.
3. slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex.
4. slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex.
5. kissed someone of the same sex.
6. had sex.
7. had someone in your room other than family.
8. watched porn.
9. bought porn.
10. tried drugs.
#MY TOTAL: 6
1. taken painkillers.
2. taken someone else's prescription medicine.
3. lied to your parents.
4. lied to a friend.
5. snuck out of the house.
6. done something illegal.
7. felt hurt.
8. hurt someone.
9. wished someone to die.
10. seen someone die.
#MY TOTAL: 6
1. missed curfew.
2. stayed out all night.
3. eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself.
4. been to a therapist.
5. received a ticket.
6. been to rehab
7. dyed your hair.
8. been in an accident.
9. been to a club.
10. been to a bar
#MY TOTAL: 2
1. been to a wild party.
2. been to a Mardi Gras parade.
3. drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night.
4. had a spring break in Florida.
5. sniffed anything
6. wore black nail polish
7. wore arm bands.
8. wore t-shirts with band names.
9. listened to rap.
10. owned a 50 Cent CD.
#MY TOTAL: 2
1. dressed gothic
2. dressed girly.
3. dressed punk.
4. dressed grunge.
5. stole something.
6. been too drunk to remember anything.
7. blacked out.
8. fainted.
9. had a crush on a neighbor.
#MY TOTAL: 1
1. had a crush on a friend.
2. been to a concert.
3. dry-humped someone.
4. been called a slut.
5. called someone a slut.
6. installed speakers in your car.
7. broken a mirror.
8. showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
9. brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush.
#MY TOTAL: 3
1. consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper.
2. seen an R-rated movie in theater.
3. cruised the mall.
4. skipped school.
5. had surgery.
6. had an injury.
7. gone to court.
8. walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping.
9. caught something on fire.
10. lied about your age.
#MY TOTAL: 5
1. owned/rented an apartment/house.
2. broke the law in the police's presence.
3. made out with someone who had a gf/bf
4. got in trouble with the police.
5. talked to a stranger.
6. hugged a stranger.
7. kissed a stranger.
8. rode in the car with a stranger.
9. been harassed.
10.been verbally harassed.
#MY TOTAL: 1
1. met face-to-face with someone you met online.
2. stayed online for 5+ hours straight.
3. talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight.
4. watched TV for 5 hours straight.
5. been to a fair.
6. been called a bad influence.
7. drink and drive.
8. prank-called someone.
9. laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex.
10. cheated on a test.
#MY TOTAL: 5
Grand Total: 30 :D
If You Have Less Than 10.. write [im a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10.. write [im still a goody goody]
If You Have more Than 20..write [im average]
If You Have More Than 30..write [im a bad kid]
If You have more than 40..write [im a very bad influence]
If You Have more than 50..write [im a horrible person]
If You Have more than 60..write [i should be in jail]
If You Have more than 70..Write [i should be dead]
16 March 2010
Smile - Charlie Chaplin
tho'
your heart is aching,
Smile
Even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by,
If you
Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through- For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.
14 March 2010
Sacrifice, made a lot of bad ones.
11 March 2010
Utada Hikaru ft. Shiina Ringo - I Won't Last a Day Without You
Where I don't belong
I'm not that strong
It's nice to know that there's someone
I can turn to
Who will always care
You're always there
*
When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you
So many times when the city seems to be
Without a friendly face
A lonely place
It's nice know that you'll be there if
I need yoou
And you'll always smile
It's all worthwhile
*
Touch me and I end up singing
Troubles seems to up and disappear
You touch me with the love you're bringing
I can't reaaly lose when you're near (when you're near)
When you're near, my love
If all my friends
Have forgotten half their promises
They're not unkind
Just hard to find
One look at you
I know that I could learn to live
Without the rest
I found the best
* (2x)
I won't last a day without you
05 March 2010
Thankful.
04 March 2010
Made me forgotten what's really important to me, it's not really you, it's you all.
03 March 2010
I have to talk to you, your getting distant from me.
I guess sooner or later, keeping quiet, which i have been doing all this time with you all, has to end.
It’s not that i didn’t notice, the less i talked, the less both of us know how we’re feeling, the weaker our bonds even are. Some of you might say i’m ok just the way i am now but some of my mind say it’s just an excuse to avoid being more close to each other. But then i really wanted true friendship, i knew why, the silence i have been keeping so long was the reason. I hated the quiet, but at the same time i welcomed it willingly, i hate it so much.
I still couldn’t throw away that stubbornness of me, it’s also why i could not get anything what i want. The more Marcus, Kimberley or others that kept pushing me to do something that i will regret if i don’t do so, the more i would stay silent, the more i would decline to do so, I’m really sorry, really sorry.
The silent treatment i give probably made me unconfident too, i’m simply too afraid to make my own decisions. I’m always afraid the results of it would be bad. I’d always escape one way or another.
This silence, has to end, it must end, i don’t want to care anymore,
i want to talk to you in person,
i want to tell you that i’m sorry for being silent,
i want to to tell you that i’m thankful for being my friend,
i want to tell you something i’ve always wanted to say,
i want to know you better,
Somebody, please guide me, show me how. I don’t care, degrade me, shame me, scold me, hit me, slap me, do whatever it takes, just wake me from this nightmare that never seems to end. I don’t want to be thought as an emotionless, inconsiderate, stubborn person.