NEET no Keiryou

Sato Tatsuhiro, main character of 'Welcome to NHK'. To most of the extent, I'm similar to him.

He is an extreme hikikomori that thinks the world has a conspiracy against him.

Basically he doubts everyone's actions towards him and his own life. He would suspect a person is looking down on him even though the person was just walking by him or near him.

Well.. I'm not that severe but I'm close. It looks like my condition is that the more closer the person is to me, the more likely I doubt/think too much into. Opposite of Sato-san but same thinking, whatever the person is doing I think about what is going on his/her mind. If she's talking to me, I suspect she's just being polite, kind is not my first consideration, if I was being indirectly mentioned in a statement, I get worked up and think it means something bad etc..

But I don't suspect the closest persons in my life, my family. It just seems there's no reason to be because I know them too well. Yet I treat strangers/people I just knew far better than the people that I had texted/talked/chat often in the past. Maybe because there is no reason to doubt a stranger's opinion or thinking about me but care about the people that you wish to be close with in what they think of you.

But that 'care' is more destructive then constructive.

I know who reads this, internet is such a way gives you the ability to 'stalk'. I'm not angry that they don't just directly talk to me, I understand, at least the rational part of me. But as the 'Sato" side of me thinks, it's just sad and frustrating to talk to a double-sided mirror while you just hear whispers every now and then from the other side.

Then again, like a hikikomori, I live in the corners of my home most of my time. Just thinking about going out with someone generates tons of excuses in my head. Spending time doing things that generally had any significant goal in mind. Well, at least I don't smoke and live in my own filth like Sato-san.

Hah, sadly I'm not him, where he has Misaki-chan; in animes you'll most definitely be granted a way out of a problem. In this case it's the mysterious sweet-looking girl that is determined to help Sato-san and cure his hikikomori ways.

If only someone like that existed here.