Solitude is slowly creeping up on me again. Yesterday I randomly texted people, then I realised that I'm just finding a way to escape from it.
It just seems like an infinite loop denial and acceptance. I couldn't sleep for sometime, the feeling of alone was strongest at that time for some reason that it almost made me cry. I'm probably not a guy if I cry as often as I do with every emotional breakdown.
What's increasing this feeling is I've been cooping my room editing videos and painting but mostly the videos that's causing it. It feels like my whole life is these four walls. When I sleep, I'm still back to this room.
I can't help but think I have two slightly different personalities. One that lives for my family, and one for the other. They are trying to help the other side of me to cope this solitude but I subconsciously don't want them to involve with my sentimentalities. They can never cure that void in me, it just makes it bigger.
If only I could wipe certain memories of mine, I would see the world in a brighter light.
The doubts in my mind, are too damn high.
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