Spent another two days on editing, to be frank, even though i could probably do something better than this but i pretty much enjoyed myself. To think i spent more than 12 hours a day to do this movie of us, i would certainly be stressed out, but i did not, in fact it cheered me up a lot more than just trying to get over it.
I simply just open up some random video of mine and watch it, with a giggle or two, i appreciate my life a bit more and cherish what i have now. Heh, to think watching my friends do silly stuff gets me off of those seriousness of this reality, i'm pretty simple minded. That said, i'm thinking of doubling my effort as a photographer/cameraman/editor, thanks for the support everyone, i'll do as better as possible each time, i promise i won't give up on the series because i believe by giving up on them, i had given up on my friends, i won't let you all down.
Sigh, i always wondered when will i ever bring out the me, which i could only express through here? The real me, looks really dumb when i try to converse to someone, words just doesn't seem to dance to my will like right now, they either make no sense or just down right silly. You may call me naive but i can't really improve by myself, i need, someone to help me; my family always teases me about my lack of social skill, i always manage to speak more towards my family but never to friends. I closed myself up with other people and i can't seem to open it myself, i need someone to help me nudge open that locked up heart of mine, anyway, anytime, anyone. I don't like the me now, i seem to treat people coldly even though i didn't mean to, i don't want people to get that kind of idea that i'm a really serious guy or something.
Requesting aid from someone, feels strange, maybe because i either wait for help from someone or just helped myself without bothering anyone. On top of that i hardly help others naturally or automatically when they need it. That's why sometimes, i feel like i'm a bother to people; either they always try to talk to me or try to want me to do something with them which i feel they shouldn't when all i've been doing is giving them the silence and dumb-look treatment to them.
You shouldn't be judging me differently after reading this though, cause it just doesn't feel right when i have been nothing but just some boring guy on the outside. I need to change, i want to change to someone better who can be of more than just a bother. Right now, i feel like i'm an immature, selfish, clueless fool who keeps on creating this virtual self-righteousness of me to be accepted by others.
With all that said, if your wondering, i'm quite fine, honestly; if i'm not ok, i probably post half-baked posts that makes little sense to people other than feeling despair in them. When you look into this post it stated rather just the facts about my thoughts and feelings in it.
In all my essence, what i'm trying to say is that i don't want people judging me from the inside and ignore that outer part which is more or less different from each other. I just hope they become one and the same not a wall and a door that separates them even though they are expressed freely in the form of virtuality and reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment