First class this year, although it's my first class, i don't ever become unfamiliar or nostalgic with this place, i happen to always pass by it, whether i'm going to Time Square, you'll feel college is just around there, it was never too far or too close wherever i go, it seems all the road leads to it.
What it always does to me though, is it recalls all the friends i met, the college sort of, ties me up to it and to others too. What are they doing while they are not having class? I believe It made all of us think about a friend or two from time to time. It's good to know you're being thought of by someone.
I had some random karaoke too, with Chew Teng, Elaine and Ethel. Another weird experience again, first time went with girls only, felt so awkward that i can't really sing out loud that time. Argh, I'm still not used to this kinda stuff.. having three brothers is one of the reason why but i think i'm just getting out of the anti-social life, i want to adapt to this life, change my past self, which was a past only filled with myself and a lot 'what ifs". Still had a good time, thanks for inviting, managed to vent out some fumes cooped up inside me.
Was tired and immediately took a nap back home even though there weren't much of congestion, thank goodness. Next day seemed a bit gloomy, woke up with a feeling of heart that was still discontent about something i thought i had let go and be free of it, i guess it's still not as easy as before. I wonder why, my mind do not put feelings except for study as first priorities in my life but what i was preventing, was the very emotions coming from my heart. I fear love, yet it welcomes me with open arms, each time that red and soft warmth seems so pleasant that it could melt up my very soul if i just embrace it each time.
Everyone says they are fine when you try to ask what's wrong with them, well i guess i'm the same too, but honestly, I'm not ok at all, what's wrong with me? I feel.. nothing yet at the same time i do, blank feelings but something still.. seems to be there. This is not right, this is not wrong, should i listen to my parents? shoul i listen to my friends? ..cause i just can't understand myself anymore. I want this feelings to stay, yet again i don't want it. I haven't been thinking straight, i day dream when somebody talks to me, i can't say anything when someone asks me something. I'm totally lost. I'm truly lost and confused.
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