But mostly, it's just because i don't talk much, and that makes restless and irritated. Which is why the only time i can open my mouth for more than 5 minutes is in the car.
I guess results of
ditching high school friends is becoming more prominent now. Someone told me that it's because this is truly how it is in the university level, most will lean more towards friends that they can better socialize with and from that, gain better understanding of their studies by working together on it. It is illogical to spend time with someone with different interests or is uncomfortable to be with.
One's life gets more important when their actions at the present clearly and increasingly affect their future, does the readers not agree to this statement? My mum says that, i have to understand that nowadays, friends are not as 义气, or has that brotherhood code or personal loyalty, as they once were.
My 2nd brother is one those rare people who believes in it, but now it only extends to his family. Mainly because he was influenced by his secondary school friends, they were sort of delinquents but stand by the brotherhood code firmly. I admire that part of him because due to that influence, his that sort of person who would sacrifice himself for his family when there is trouble.
My mum says i'm just taking it too personally about organising things. Not everyone shares similar thinking as you would, not everyone will appreciate what you've done for them, nor are they willing to do the same in return. I just have to accept the fact that other than unavoidable reasons people can't join, some just don't think it's worth sacrificing as much as you would for them.
In relation to me, not one college friends live near me. Doing an activity together seems to be miraculous each time it happens. So what explains my sacrificial attitude for my friends?
How do i put this without looking demanding... my arguments was that if i was able to travel from Rawang to Bukit Jalil, Subang, Damansara, Cheras etc. just to visit a friend, i asked myself, why was it possible at the first place?
When i think about it now, i'm pretty extreme, i followed my own concept of 义气. I didn't care if the other person notice it or not. I just wanted to do it, because it was the right thing to do. The same concept is applied in games that lets you decide on the path of good and evil, i find myself naturally choosing good over bad, ensuring lives are preserved even though i know it's just a game.
The tantrum, the ranting, the emotional distress, was all because i didn't understand why i do this things without any foreseeable benefit. I have always been the one silently helping at the back since high school.
Now, i think it's far too late to finally understand myself. Except for my family, I've lost almost any kind of deep bond between friends. Yet with a broken mind, i still do the things i do for them, any friends who requests for my assistance, no matter how beneficial it was, i will put all my strength to fulfil it, whether i like it or not.
I'm sorry that you have a friend like this.
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