i was going to write whiny stuff about myself, again. But i rather not, and probably the readers think so too.
I feel like i can understand how the readers feel when they read my blog. They probably would think "Damn, this guy is soooo emo and whine like a bitch everyday, i'm sick of it." Well, the feelings mutual, because even i myself don't understand why i need to write all this crap up in the net, yet in real life, it's darn boring in terms of expressing myself.
Another reason it would seem that i'm super-emotional in the internet is that i simply write it out directly without any ambiguity. That alone can exaggerate 10x times what in real life is happening. It's a good thing and a bad thing about it.
Good thing about it is people understand me through here, albeit not many people have the level of concentration to read all of it because it mainly about myself and my views, nothing concrete in real life, but refer to "Daily Isolation" posts, what's really interesting and concrete about my life? I think the most exciting thing happening in my life right now is, blogging.
Bad thing about it is people and why i say people, it's like maybe 2 or 3 persons? acts differently. Now, i'm not saying anything but it's just, awkwaaaard. Because besides at home, which the only other place i interact with people, the college, i don't like "intimacy" from out of nowhere, such as suddenly talk about that i wrote here.
Of course, there's no such thing as "a right place and a right time" in reality, so things like happen, but to my favour, it does not happen regularly on a basis, given that i only have a handful of close friends and even less would attempt to have this kind of conversation. Maybe on the outside, i look boring, uninterested in others and focuses on serious activities rather than trying to bond with my friends. In ways it's true, but even 'truer' is that it's a ruse to cover up what's inside and that's written and expressed through here. For a simple yet obvious example would be stuffs like confessions, suspicions, crushes and all that sensitive that you readers will never post up in the internet under normal circumstances.
Well i envy that part of you readers and fellow normal bloggers, because obviously, you have friends to talk about it. I hope you understand, there are things that it's inappropriate to talk about with family, and friends are the almost always the right people to comfortably talk about. So, basically here's the best next alternative for me.
That's why, for me, having a friend confronting me about something 'intimate' or 'secretive' is not a bad thing, in fact, it's precious to me as it feels like it happens only a few times in a lifetime. Because i understand it takes a different kind of courage to do so which, i do not have, and basically tells me that someone still cares/worries about me whole-heartedly.
Darn it, i'm doing it again, huh? I can't seem to break this habit of explaining further and further into things.
But you know how i deal with things that turns out wrong? I just go, "Bah, forget it." that's how easy i cope with things, on the outside. Like the CNY Reunion planning, i know things won't turn out my way, people won't come, people won't pay, people aren't enthusiastic about it, etc.. But like hell i care, i just want it to happen, the consequences that comes with it, either emotionally or financially, i'll bear it for the sake of it happening.
Heck, i'm already thinking of planning a 自由餐, or buffet-like dinner at my house after CNY holidays, whoever is interested and willing to come are most welcomed, don't matter any will come or how many "Sorry, can't make it." i'll receive. Hell yeah, i'm crazy!
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