I only understand the average person.

I would go so far as to say, i don't truly understand anyone, safe for a few.
My understanding of someone, mainly friends, is purely based on observations.

It's really hard to keep a peaceful mind with this constant coughing, it's dragging me down, constantly moody and refrains me even more from socialising.
I hate being sick, it has been almost a year since i last got this sick.
I guess i'm still human, there's still going to be chances of me getting quite sick even i had increased my immune systems through increased and controlled consumption of nutrition.

I have been looking through horoscope descriptions,  right now i'm being reminded a Leo is suppose to be a natural leader, i find that hard for myself to believe i am one.
I'm not influential or capable of maintaining order or peace. So far, i haven't been able to say i had lead people on my own, usually i'm the one who follows or can be seen as a third in command. I failed continuously trying to do it alone, considering where i stand among my friends, i'm mostly just the cameraman, but right now, i'm even less than that, i'm just someone with a "friend" tagged on his shirt.

When i can't be the one to lead, most likely it's going to be a team situation, which gives people a sense everyone is equal in organising the event, it is more efficient. When you think about it, there's no need for a leader, why did we need a leader when we can assign ourselves to do specific tasks? What the hell does the leader do anyway?

But i still try, why? i don't know, maybe i'm the same as any other person, i want to be treated with respect and feel i'm actually worth something other than being just a friend or the cameraman.

One thing i hate more than being disrespected, is being used. I'm keeping myself from pointing fingers at the alleged people but as the saying goes, that the other three fingers is point back at yourself when you point at someone, but i'll never use someone purposely. It pains me to not be able repay someone's gratitude, a simple act of caring or helping could meant bringing a person smile for a day or maybe even a week after that person had helped you.

I don't understand why some people can feel nothing if people generously helped them, i say screw this kind of people, the help you've gotten shouldn't even had happen.

Do note, i'm not saying about "WHIC?", even though i know there are people who don't appreciate it and never did show any gratitude, i didn't do it out of karma, i did it purely out of responsibleness. However, i'm grateful for those few actually showed appreciation, and i consider even a simple thoughtful statement to be deeply satisfying and memorable. Thank you for supporting me even though i don't truly know how far it is true but believing it would suffice for me. In due time, i'll finish what i started.

Whether you were ignorant or just an firetrucking ass when you used me, just know that even though i have a good conscience, i'm an opportunist, i'm definitely going to find ways to make you pay me back and indirectly make you realize it..