How deep is too deep?

Sigh... family arguments again, happened last Tuesday.

Not gonna explain much because i've done that on the my second post ; about Max, Terb, Jefferey and things about Amway.

Ok about that, Terb invited two of his friends to our home to meet Jefferey and help them determine their health. Max didn't like them especially members from Amway; he thinks they have corrupted Terb's mind with false hope and influence him to become a member of the company. He really doesn't like the types that seem to like boasting or advertising stuffs.

But that night my mum continuously advised him to think the other way round, finally my brother snapped and told her to shut up. I was clueless as to when has this happened because they had gone out eating leaving me with the others. I finally, only noticed their sad and pissed looks right when they came back and made me thought "Oh my god, here we go again".

Sigh what can you do when a family lacks understanding and closeness? This kind of stuff is destined to happen right after you grow up, your bond between your family gets weaker when there are less communication with each other; you kinda change, almost every time, for the worst.

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The very next day(Wednesday), woke up, saw mum still sad, makes me sad too. She explained to me why Max had argued with her and other issues about him becoming too distant from her and getting much more protective of his girlfriend (like getting irritated when only asking questions about her). She's explained to me, she's not jealous of her because Max was treating her better but, my mum is also a human being, she needs respect too. I don't know about Max and his girlfriend though, seems like they really are ignorant and selfish at some point made my mum's heart ache and for that, i too am frequently hurt to see such sad faces of my family.

All we really need are understanding, toleration and concerns between each other but as the way i have been raised, only stubbornness and ignorance grew substantially to a point it hurts to know that it seems to be too late to change, regretful and guiltiness that is. I feel being the youngest in the family has influential power over my family when comes to these thing.

Got into the train and started listening to classical musics. Thought i could ease myself during the ride but no. In front of me, i saw a father and daughter. The father looked like he is in his 40's while his daughter, maybe just 4 or 5 years old. She was the most cutest child i've seen for quite sometime. The two of them looked really close to each other; they exchanging smiles with each other and it was really just heart warming.I really enjoyed having to see them being so loving with each other, for only a moment though, until i thought about my family.

My heart started to hurt real bad.
I couldn't stop myself from missing about my past family life.
I missed being cheery with all my family when i was a kid.
And... I.. cried...
I tried to hide my tears, my face but i was bursting with feelings.
The music didn't help, it was playing a rather heart warming and relaxing tune.
I tried to resist but no, i started to silently sob.
I felt awful, i really wanted to cry out loud; to my hearts content.
It didn't last long, maybe 5 minutes or more i finally managed to recover.

That was the first time i ever cried in public, it was embarassing but i couldn't help it, keeping all this feelings will one day, i encountered something that will triggered my innermost feelings. I will and has always promise to myself that i will always have a forever-lasting love for all my family members.