In the midst of waiting, jazz doens't make you sleepy.

This is gonna be the longest(i'm serious lol) post for this month, i'll be doing until the time i am finally going to Penang so you are warned but the below contents are truly personal and of my own thinking, read at your own risk and think whatever of me after you have read.

It's the middle of the night and ..well i can't really sleep even though in a few hours i'll be preparing to go to Penang. Ohh crap, maybe the coffee i drank when i was hanging out with my friends? Meh, coffee doesn't effect me, i just choose not to go to sleep so i write something here to let out some thoughts.

Just a few hours ago, i was hanging out with my old friends and classmates, can't say chatting cause well, i don't have to remind you what kind of character i am but to be honest, a sentence or two was all that i could muster out of my heavy lips, silence was even more friendlier with me that time. It was more of a 'oh, gotta hang out with them since they called me, can't refuse them' feeling when i wanted to because the more i go 'hang out' with them, the less i feel the connectivity with them, i feel like just hanging out with myself.

Strange though, in a crowd i would always feel dizzy or maybe uneasy. I just don't like the feeling of randomness, talking here talking there made myself consistently changing my attentions towards the different conversations. It made me reluctant to do anything but just put up a fake smile or smirk or just face palm for absolutely no reason(except for frustration).

I can't lie to myself; i didn't have fun that time. I'm just too sensitive and too self-centered and selfish. i am unhappy of myself because to truly converse or open myself up, i need time; just hanging out for like two hours with a whole crowd doesn't make it easy for me. I'm more of a one-to-one chatter, focus on a subject and only a few people which are conversing on the subject while not CHANGING subjects too frequently. But when is that gonna happen? In my lifetime, i haven't encountered such a conversation before, maybe some conversations were like that but no, i can't remember much.

I don't know, maybe i have to many requirements to just chatting, too sensitive over enriching a friendship, too sensitive over the level of friendship; too sensitive over the subject of - friends. Do i need to change my way of thinking just for the sake of this? Probably not in the near future, i still continue stay true to my way of thinking because that's me. I'll search for that true friend to appear no matter when is it gonna happen; even if i already got a job i'll still search for that person. If such a person never exists then i'll only have true love, a family of my own.

After this past few months, i have adopt the nature of just letting out whatever i was thinking, whatever i was feeling to this blog, pouring out the very essence of my heart. When i read the blogs of others i find it rather confusing when they try to only tell their minds half-hearted, most of the time i'm reading and JUST reading, never really knowing what the hell i'm reading about but that's their right to do so and i support them, even though i don't know what they are saying. It's just their way of expressing themselves with riddles and puzzles; making the readers trying to figure out "who, why, what and when" in their posts, mysterious or just confusing? You decide.

True love, i believe in it but will it happen right after my first love? I haven't truly have someone of my age range to love me, not that i know but i can understand there isn't. There's always the saying that first loves are always broken and HURTS really bad. If my first love was when i am already an adult, that would pretty suck right, if that saying was always accurate. Judging from my three brothers, all of them had first girlfriends breaking up with them the and only(maybe) getting to stay longer with the next one(big bro is gonna get engaged lol). Well i choose and believe truly, that would not happen to me and maybe.. that's why i'm still single, still searching for true love.

(dunno if it's the smooth jazz songs that's making me spilling all the beans out but.. whatever lol, i think i'm high on something heheh.)

My mum always says intelligence is always better than appearances of person for a 'decent' girl to like; maybe in stories and movies, that happens but not for me. Not that good looking and with only a little 'above-average' intelligence, so what the hell am i? Plus with all the weird interests and personalities. Getting to know a girl... no scratch that, EVEN talking to a person needs more effort than i can imagine. Only by other people's help do i get to talk or well.. just know any girls at all.

OK, even deeper now and maybe blurry on this topic which is about my crushes *SHOCKING*

When i was young, primary school young, i was really just a kid who doesn't really think twice on whatever i'm doing. Standard 1, maybe just 7 or 8 years old? i liked a girl in my class and well.. was really open about it, i would really just yell out "i love her", dunno how many times( my memories a little foggy) but i think it crept her out, hahah. But well if it was now, nope she was totally no for me because.. well she wasn't really that eye catching at all but my bros will tease me about from time to time since i told them too, hahah.

I was totally a different person in primary school, i think i befriended the entire class with each class i attended. It didn't really matter if it was a she or a he, i'd make friends with them, like Kim i was really hyperactive in school, to the extent i may be considered a bad boy, not really the kind type but the bully and naughty type i guess, i would usually get the 'boss' title sometimes but really hehe i'd cry when i lose a fight(yeah i get into fights). My results were really bad too during the period of time, i don't really remember why but i was ignorant and lazy; my mum told me i was like a kid with a baby mind. I didn't really know why my mum and dad always tell me to study; i didn't know why study was important, i was like an android(the wild kind) didn't think for himself but just listen to orders which lead me to unable to strife in my study during that time until.. well.. i made my mum cry when my form teacher told my dad that i wasn't gonna pass my UPSR. For the very first time, i felt anger, regret, hatred and sadness altogether but i still didn't know the importance of study until form 3 although i did great in my UPSR.

Well, i sorta lost all contact with my primary school friends, it was regretful especially i was unable to contact my best friend forever. We were best friends throughout the 6 years of primary school.. and i just lost him, forever. I really hope that one day, fate will guide us and let us meet together again, Ong Jing Yau.

The first three years of secondary school was totally bad, mostly for others it was a memorial time but mine was sorta really bad. I didn't do any better after UPSR, sorta gotten worse because i felt form 1 & 2 were not important so i was still lazy and maybe still only having a kid's mind. Maybe it's due influence by friends but mostly it's just me, i didn't make the decision of turning a new leaf for the better of me. I only began to grasp the very importance of education in the middle of time before PMR, only then i drive myself harder, mostly due to realizations through family problems and my own. Education, i realized it was important for my family and my future. Two really simple things i only realized through the hard punches and kicks of reality and i'm glad it hit me hard enough to notice.

Friends in the first three years of secondary school? Not much, only several but they good and maybe close friends. However, during the next two years, our friendship began to dwindle as they stray far from their main purpose which made it even harder to hang out with them but i still miss the good ol' times. Girls? nah, my self-esteem was so low that i don't even bother about it. Yeah, totally different person from primary school, super emo at that time.

Form 4&5 was totally different, friends although at first can't really cope with, a group called "Uncommon Myths" was created between 6 people who really get along really well at that time. The group name was only created after sometime in form 5 which was the date 8/8/08. The most fun and really memorable moments of my school life. Can't believe right after college, things could change so much. Of course i didn't really stray away from study this time, especially form 5, the most hardworking i have ever been.

Now, only the crushes are getting stronger, but it changes through time to time but my mind will always stuck to one when i think about my crushes. It was someone in my class, maybe in other people's eyes, she wasn't much but i think she was just perfect. In lots of my previous posts and poems, i'd always hint about her but one-sided love is always VERY hurtful. Fortunately, this burning and hurting in my heart has lessen and maybe to none because i'm trying hard to move on. I'd still think about her like right now but it really doesn't bother me much like before.

WOOT~

My results? not gonna tell, because something like seeing a view of the person like Kim would happen. I just realized and thought such thing should never be told unless pressurized alot about it, then maybe i would tell. Plus i wanna see the difference between telling and not telling to people about my results because i may see a different person when i know the results or, the other way round. The friends back home may have a different about me now then before. I think there's some difference in college, nothing much of a different view towards me like my friends before SPM.

Now back to the present, not really that lazy, not really that clueless but mostly i'm just prepared and confident in life. I know what i want, i know how i'm gonna get and why i do i need it. The only problem is still my social life, i think crushes i beginning to start again but i'm trying to supress it; whether this year i'm gonna solve it or not, it's not gonna last long. Only one thing i need to hold onto and that's believe to the very core of my heart.

AGAIN, a part of me really hoped you don't read all of this stuff while the other part of me want's you to understand me better since we won't really have time to talk about such things in real life. Then again i would really want to know better about you, with only truly understanding a friend by being able to share his or her feelings or mind would i be willing to consider you a really true friend, and just by sharing that i would be grateful for all eternity whenever i think of you as a friend.

So now i will bid you all a farewell, until i blog again, peace to y'all.

Last post for this week

Wow.. never thought my holiday week would be this boring.

Went to my apartment at Kepong for two nights, i used most of my time doing my econs objectives and finished reading the book Marcus had given me(gonna give back to you, dude). Well, pretty much because there was absolutely nothing to distract me, the apartment almost had nothing but necessities which means, there was no internet(big chunk of my time used on this), no gaming computer present(all i had was Lil HP with me) and no Astro. Just study books and... well, nothing.

So i tried to call some friends living nearby, realized they were busy and immediately cancelled whatever i wanted to do with them. FINALLY, i thought an idea to past time, i still had my digital camera with me, and throughout the journey i've been randomly recording videos. So why not make a vid to pass time, plus i was suppose to continue posting related videos of 'WHIC?' series, can't let down the audience, eh?

My mum was with me and since she had watched almost all my videos and pics, she gladly helped me made the video too lol surprisingly embarassing but fun experience to make a vid with my mum. For anyone who still did not know, i got another blog called Light Production which i post vids there. Since some people don't play facebook, i made it private so if you wanna see them, post your emails so that i can approve you.

Oh, i forgot to tell why my title says 'last post of the week', well this weekend going to Penang with my family for some relaxing and fun vacation, haven't gone traveling for sometime. Don't worry be sure to know a vid about that would also be made too, hahah.

Post you next week, blog.

Properly Made

Hah.. it's been a long time since i sat myself down and writing something other then updates on my life.

Did not really had the time to think to myself, i've been.. thinking less actually. Most of the time i would only drill my head on what to do next and not give much thought to it. I mean with all the responsibilities to uphold and give effect, there really isn't enough time to sit around and think about what's going on and why is it going on.

Well.. mostly it's because i recently spent time on uploading videos and pics into facebook, fooling around i guess. Editing and uploading thems takes a large portion from my free times i guess, not that i had anything else better to do so(except for study) but the truth is that i like doing vids; either for my friends or for myself because i tend to admire my works which nothing is pushing me to finish them other then my very own will.

I not good with words as i said this before, i'm always the loner or emo guy whenever i don't interact with my friends which.. most probably giving them the implications that either i'm anti-social or just don't like befriending them, that's what i believe well.. because that's commonly thought when i act like that. Therefore, i sorta became.. the cameraman, the photographer and editor for my friends; expressing my friendship in another way possible for me. Unfortunately, not effective as it would have seen. Some of them find it boring, weird or down right creepy stuffs i do.

And do i anything about it? Nope, i can't even say "you've misunderstood me"; and i just let them speculate whatever they like about me; a stalker, an emo, a creep or a complete weirdo. It does hurt to think such ill thoughts but that's what commonly people think of, i always put myself of the shoes of the person when i do something that may relate or affect that person; always thinking what would he/she think when i do this or said that. And more often it's always true, only a minimal chance they would understand more to what and why i'm doing this other the most obvious and predictable things about me that you will think first.

I had always been the waiter,
waiting to be called upon for orders.
Nothing less of a meal,
nothing more of a dessert,
to be served to the customers.

A random poem i made while posting this, i don't know, just my two cents but when people say "common sense is not so common at all" is not so true, most of the time, when i predict what people will usually respone when i ask favours or something to be done, most likely i will get common answers or excuses, well, it depends on a lot of things like time, mood, personality, location, scale of importance... stuff like that. All that's possible when you spend most of your life thinking, thinking and thinking to yourself and well.. everything. Hence, to plan something like an event with people IS super difficult, that's why i hate to ask people to go out or something because you'll end up a lot of technical difficulties especially when dealing with a large number of people.

But, mainly, supposively.. i.. dont.. have much.. of a real friend? God dammit i need help.

"What's Happening In College?" Series

Not to promote or anything but i have another blog called Light Production which i haven't updated for a long time because i don't know what to post in it after postponing to draw. But fortunately, i've got an idea to blow away all that dust. I've decided to post "What's Happening In College?" the series and a few other vids since my facebook videos are privatized and only a few can see them, however, i will also do the same for this blog so anyone who wants to get permission, post up your emails, k?

Peace.

Brain of Rust (POST #80)

Phew~ finally i could cool my brain down after finishing this friggin test and do some fbing.

Made a vid along the way as i go if you haven't seen it in facebook then take a looky here.

Revenge of the BBoy Junior

Finally holidays, doesn't exactly mean i'm absolutely free from college; still gots studying and homework to do. But probably more than enough time to do some of my own interested activities. Gonna dance and play my guitar more often than usual too.

No word from any of my friends of going anywhere and with the rapid spread of H1N1 so actually it's gonna be a boring week. But i guess it means more time for myself, which is kinda relaxing N awesome, heheh.

Happy Holidays everyone

Last time, maybe until next week.

And you have been informed about my current health, then i'm gonna tell you here, i'm sick. Just recently it gotten a bit worse but trying to get better. I wish this didn't happen to me because a lot of people and things are affected just by this measly illness of mine.

Nope, i don't think it's THE flu but i'm not taking my chances so i won't be going to college for the sake of not infecting you all, maybe only until Friday.

Another thing is that, i will stop onlining for the week or maybe much lesser than usual because i need to have extreme concentration on my studies, i'm pretty pumped up for the recited exam for econs, gonna give my all even if it kills me.

I'm gonna miss internet for a while but my responsibility comes first and so now i shall say farewell to my fellow friends for the moment in time, i'll miss you all even if it's for only one day or.. a week... or more.

Barely awake.

oh damn, my eyes are just barely keepin up with me. Probably because i kept on playing my guitar, dancing, facebooking repeatedly throughout the day, note to self: practice self control.

Ah, can't help it since, next week is a holiday week and today was a free day and had alot of time in my hand. Getting a bit fed up with Econs, find it hard to go through the same friggin test again, so what if our class had split up between good and bad, it just makes things more complicated and frustrating for us students. Our results were maybe bad due to the lack of understanding the question; not because we were friggin lazy. Hence, the lack of quality in the lecturing itself, how are we suppose to answer question when we are not even able to know SPECIFICALLY what is needed to be answered, plus all the lecturer told us was "try to think and apply the econ theories in the question" , so we did, and then what do you know, we were wrong again and although again he says we were friggin lazy and just orally explained why we were wrong, where's the answer paper? Screw him and the crappy GI Joe.

I can go on writing the 'disadvantages of the lecturer' forever but no, he's just not worth the time.

Luckily, i won't have classes for the next week, so i think that's a plus. Decided to grow my hair for a little longer, i have never seen myself having long hair so this is my chance, additionally i can have a different kind of hairstyle when i decide to go to saloon, i'm excited like a little girl that was just starting to get puberty hahah.

My hair pulled back by a hair-band~~

Not gonna write much but on a side note, i was thinking of a time to go for a REAL hangout for once with my college pals, seems like we seldom hangout and just talk nonsense for hours. A good place and good time is hard to choose since everyone lives at very different places..

Random facts about me (Taggies)

FOUR NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU :

1. Jake
2. Hui Leong
3. Terng(seldom)
4. Leong(much more seldom)

FOUR MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE :

Haih... don't remind me that i have been single for my whole life :/

FOUR THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:

1. Lying on my bed
2. using my laptop
3. checkin facebook
4. found out i was tagged by kim

FOUR WAYS TO BE HAPPY :

1. Dance
2. Sing
3. Family
4. Friends

FOUR PEOPLE YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST :

Too many people i missed so i categorize some.
1. Ong Jing Yau (my primary school BEST friend, lost contact since that time)
2. My tuition teachers
3. Uncommon Myth( my best group of friends)
4. My cousins

FOUR GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:

Umm not so materialistic so.. i just really want something i can cherish not because it's value but it's love containing inside of it.

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES :

1. Poppin
2. Playin guitar
3. Singing
4. Photographing and much more

FOUR PLACES OR COUNTRY YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION :

1. Europe
2. Japan
3. USA Los Angeles
4. UK

FOUR FAVORITE DRINKS :

1. Soya bean lol
2. Carrot juice
3. Red bean ice
4. Milk ==

FOUR THINGS ALWAYS FOUND IN YOUR BAG/HANDBAG :

1. Lil HP
2. Study stuffs
3. umbrella
4. camera ^_^

FOUR FAVOURITE COLORS :

1. Black
2. White
3. Sky Blue
4. Chinese Red

TOP FOUR HANGOUTS :

Well places i wish to go hang out AND not just stay there for like only AN HOUR.
1. Starbuck
2. Secret Recipe
3. Mc Donalds
4. Other places that are relaxing

TOP FOUR U LOVE SO MUCH :

1. Family
2. Friends

there's no top four cause i can't weigh my love for people, i give all as much as possible.

TOP FOUR "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU :

1. my phone
2. my birthday presents
3. my pictures
4. my videos

TOP FOUR WHO YOU WILL TAGGED:

1. JUNIOR
2. KEAN HOE
3. MARCUS
4. STAN
5. VINCENT
6. SIMON
7. MEI QUIN

Nothing to write, a good thing?

My minds quite empty now, in a sense that i am unable to write thoughts here. Guess i'll write about my Friday Karoake then.

I had to skip afternoon maths class today, i got both OKs from my parents and lecturer though i still feel some unwillingness to leave maths class because i kinda like them bunch, especially my lecturer, Ms. Kong, it was surprising enough that she would let me off for this since i was SKIPPING her class, i hope someday i'd repay her generosity and kindness. Moreover she already have plans for me and the other maths classmates to have fun together, she's awesome.

Went to G-Box with M, MJ, KH, K, W, J. Somehow i felt loneliness during travels, i usually occupy myself with thoughts, regardless of who i was traveling with, i'll always stare blankly into nothingness.

I'm sure anyone that had went with me to karoake will find it surprising to see the other side of me, i can be quite the different person, heh. Too bad, G-Box sucked @$$, just sat in the room for 1 hour and their operating system failed and was needed to be reboot, before we knew, time was already up. This was my first time to G-Box, and my last time.

Still had fun though, thank you, Junior, for the belated birthday gift, the Twiggies was tasty, and happy birthday Kim, i'll have a gift for you maybe later.

Cameraman at College, Editor at Home.

Since Form 4 or should i say since i got my first phone for birthday, i've begun to take pictures and videos with my phone frequently, mostly the pictures are randomly taken when my friends don't notice, notice that i ONLY take pictures like that when ONLY they are a-bit-closer friends, i find it hard to just take photos of any kind of people without their consent, mainly because it's meaningless.

What i truly believe of my real intentions of doing so is to capture memories in the form of visual images. I would often look through my photos from time to time and i feel nostalgic about, that's why i immediately began my 'hobby' right when i could and that's why, i treasure all the moments together of everyone i'm close to.

Currently, i've became my college friends' "Cameraman" though i usually get the "Don't TAKE MY PICTURES" reactions. When i think about it, in a way; this was what bringing me closer to them, my college pals. AND when i think about it AGAIN, all this happened only after three months of being emo-ish that i met them. Seems like a lot things happen THREE MONTHS after college.

Once again this is another post i give thanks to everyone i know, all my F&F(family and friends). I'll always be thankful of whatever you have contributed to me in whatever way you had because you helped me moved another step up on this endless stairs of my life.

Thank you.

Official Reports from March to August of H1N1

Malaysia specific

Malaysia was the 37th country to affected by the virus on 5 March with its second confirmed case the following day.

In Malaysia, health screenings were carried out on passengers traveling to and from Mexico via sea, air and land beginning 17 April.

The Health Ministry's disease control division activated its operations room to monitor the swine flu situation and informed medical practitioners treating suspicious cases to inform the district health office immediately.

Thermal scanners were installed at Kuala Lumpur International Airport.

Screenings were imposed in Pengkalan Hulu, at the border with Thailand, in late April.

Quarantine rooms had been allocated in 28 hospitals, and the country has stockpiled more than 2 million doses of Tamilflu, as of May 2009.

Schools were issued strict hygiene procedures on 16 May to contain any H1N1 outbreak among students and teachers.

On 15 May, the Health Ministry confirmed Malaysia's first case of A(H1N1) infection of a male student who had arrived via air.

Malaysia recorded its first local infection of influenza A(H1N1) involving the 19th case as that person had no history of having traveled to a country that had the flu.

The first A(H1N1) related death was reported on 23 July 2009.

On Tuesday 4 August, 14 new cases were reported by health authorities. 13 of the cases were from three new clusters and one was an isolated case. One patient was admitted to the intensive care unit. At time of publication, 1,780 people have been infected with 32 deaths.

Virus Outbreak

When i went to college today, i was surprised that there were absolutely no one wearing masks with the exception of only a few. I don't know if you're gonna believe me or not, the H1N1 virus in Malaysia is getting out of hands, I'm warning ya, i think it's getting serious.

Why do i say that? Well for starters, have you ever noticed that the government had stopped announcing the total number of infected and deaths of H1N1?

You'll also start to notice more and more people are wearing masks when you go out to the public. Still not yet nervous?

The infection has already started to spread uncontrollably since last week. The San Yuk Primary School has been found having students infected with the virus, the school is in Rawang. I'm from Rawang and what do you know? San Yuk is very close to the Rawang Town hence very close to the train station here and tons of people always goes in and come out of the train and from there... possibility? Very likely. Starting to get some tingles? No? not yet?

Since last week, there's been a constant increasing number of people dying of H1N1,
Saturday - news reported to have 8 victims of H1N1 DIED.
Tuesday - news reported to have 6 victims of H1N1 DIED.

How many are infected? Unknown because no one can keep track of it anymore but you have ears right? I've already heard countless people are getting sick and most of them are showing signs of contracting the disease. Everyone is in a state of panic, why aren't you?

Don't think you'll easily get treated if you are infected too, i have a cousin who didn't listened to her mother about taking precautions for the virus like wearing a mask and now the university she's staying has rumors of infection and at the same time, she was sick too. Her mother went to a private hospital to check if it really was H1N1, but you know what? That private hospital was selfish, they didn't want to check her and said they will only do it if she has signs of severe symptoms like darken lips or coughing blood, bastards aren't they? They would rather save themselves then care about YOU.

So do you think you'll never get infected? Do you think you'll easily get treatment? More importantly, wherever you are, how can you be so sure that no one near or close to you, are infected? Oh yeah, not to mention this is an AIRBORNE virus.

Better to be safe than sorry, if you ask me. Here's a website detailing about H1N1, seriously take a look in it.

Blogging With Smooth Jazz

Things are just cool now, nothing seems to be too stressful. I think I'm actually feeling confident in life.

• I managed to settle myself on random personal thoughts.
• I managed to spend time and have fun with my friends and family.
• I managed to calm myself concerning college pressure.
• I managed to do what i like and relax myself.

Yup for once in a while i do not write to complain but to compliment about my life, i think only now, I'm looking life at a different view.

As the title says I'm listening to jazz, one of my favorite genres. I have weird likings of music, I'm actually interested in techno, rock, classical, jazz, English and Japanese based songs.

Yeah, i don't really like Chinese songs that much now, mainly the ones that currently in "trend". The older ones were actually greater because they still have uniqueness to them, unlike the ones that are popular now, they would sound so boring that you think most of the songs actually are similar to each other and they really are. Plus, there are getting more and more singers and bands for all i know is that their voices and style of music are all too common. Because of that, not much of songs i could sing in karaokes now, I miss the old days.

PS: G.I. Joe ain't that great so i would advice anyone to not go and pay to watch the movie in a theatre, i would suggest Distric 9 ^^.

Endless screams of agony, I still have the ultimate faith.

Don't mind the title, i'm actually still quite sane and normal for your information. If you're wondering why i posted crappy posts that are recently posted, again, i'm fine, most of the time. Just that i haven't been wanting to write and was totally random in my posts, and maybe still am. For the meantime i'll mostly just write about my week.

K, about my recent routines for this week, i have started to bring my digi camera to college, reason? my phone's camera is kinda crappy; stratch it, my phone sucks so i brought my cam, difference? A whole lot more difference, no offence but my college pals were camera whoring more than usual when i used my phone, a good thing? Maybe, maybe not.

Monday to Wednesday is different from Thursday and Friday, different gangs of friends, different scenario, comparison? Nah i can't really compare, since both are quite useful to me. Joudan, joudan deshou( Just kidding) although i'm not socializing but being inside the society, is enough for me. I haven't reminded myself of this for a long time for why i'm really behaving just like this, i just like being together with friends, seriously, i'm enjoying and having fun in my own way.

Going back home from college alone more often than usual, advantage? more time for myself, easier to enter the train and more time to relax. Lonely? nope, not really but getting tired of listening to my classical songs collection, found alternative.

Marcus lent me these two books today, immediately read one of them and got hooked up on it, probably gonna make a good animation series or a movie since i've just the first chapter. When i'm gonna finish them? Hmm, maybe until next year, sorry Marcus, going to keep them for a while, don't mind me eh?

Random Inaccurate Prediction 1

Your view on yourself: (Not really true)

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:(Uhh heheh, mostly not true either)

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:(umm true i guess)

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:(Hmm getting accurate..)

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education(This is obvious)

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:(oops, not really)

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:(yeah, maybe)

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:(Yup)

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:(I don't even know how to talk)

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Midnight Sayings

I'm too sensitive and too selfish, damn myself.

Don't want to write anything.

Relaxed. Calmed. Dreams reflecting to feelings.

As the title says, i'm relaxed for once. Dreams, lately the ones that are mine are changing. Going to let some secrets out and somethings considered 'rou ma'(direct), not as caring about my self-image. I may hint something but don't jump to conclusions, readers, k?

Personally, don't know about others but i use my dreams to as a guide to what i think most of the time but mostly just for people i know; i would say the more i dream about someone, the better i like that person even though in reality, it may not look like it but that's what my subconscious mind tells me.

It may sometimes be false but when it's the truth, i know it is.

Since high school, i have a tendency to dream about my friends, most of the dreams have my closest friends and still dreaming of them now. The scenario would most likely be in a school where it is just like any other day. After this year, the school changes to college, and dreams just started to get mixed with my old ones and new ones(but only a few), indicating that there are more friends that i like now. Weird in dreams but true in reality, i still miss my old ones but starting to like new ones too.

Ok.. even deeper now,

i'd also dream about the girl i have a crush on.. or maybe even love. I say that because i can remember more clearer.. the dreams of her.. when i dream about her, i immediately knew i was just simply.. dreaming, something that will never happen. That's how i see if i still have feelings for someone.. well i think that's the most pathetic thing i wrote as of now.. Surprisingly, again, after going to college, i've been dreaming of another girl too but not that wishful and intimid but still some feelings for her. But i will never stop dreaming about her now.. a bad thing though..

...sadly, after dreaming somoeone i like.. i'd cry in the end of it and wake up with teary eyes.. thinking to myself that i'm a sad and pathetic loser.. why the hell am i like this? I hate this side of me... so friggin damn emo..