Properly Made

Hah.. it's been a long time since i sat myself down and writing something other then updates on my life.

Did not really had the time to think to myself, i've been.. thinking less actually. Most of the time i would only drill my head on what to do next and not give much thought to it. I mean with all the responsibilities to uphold and give effect, there really isn't enough time to sit around and think about what's going on and why is it going on.

Well.. mostly it's because i recently spent time on uploading videos and pics into facebook, fooling around i guess. Editing and uploading thems takes a large portion from my free times i guess, not that i had anything else better to do so(except for study) but the truth is that i like doing vids; either for my friends or for myself because i tend to admire my works which nothing is pushing me to finish them other then my very own will.

I not good with words as i said this before, i'm always the loner or emo guy whenever i don't interact with my friends which.. most probably giving them the implications that either i'm anti-social or just don't like befriending them, that's what i believe well.. because that's commonly thought when i act like that. Therefore, i sorta became.. the cameraman, the photographer and editor for my friends; expressing my friendship in another way possible for me. Unfortunately, not effective as it would have seen. Some of them find it boring, weird or down right creepy stuffs i do.

And do i anything about it? Nope, i can't even say "you've misunderstood me"; and i just let them speculate whatever they like about me; a stalker, an emo, a creep or a complete weirdo. It does hurt to think such ill thoughts but that's what commonly people think of, i always put myself of the shoes of the person when i do something that may relate or affect that person; always thinking what would he/she think when i do this or said that. And more often it's always true, only a minimal chance they would understand more to what and why i'm doing this other the most obvious and predictable things about me that you will think first.

I had always been the waiter,
waiting to be called upon for orders.
Nothing less of a meal,
nothing more of a dessert,
to be served to the customers.

A random poem i made while posting this, i don't know, just my two cents but when people say "common sense is not so common at all" is not so true, most of the time, when i predict what people will usually respone when i ask favours or something to be done, most likely i will get common answers or excuses, well, it depends on a lot of things like time, mood, personality, location, scale of importance... stuff like that. All that's possible when you spend most of your life thinking, thinking and thinking to yourself and well.. everything. Hence, to plan something like an event with people IS super difficult, that's why i hate to ask people to go out or something because you'll end up a lot of technical difficulties especially when dealing with a large number of people.

But, mainly, supposively.. i.. dont.. have much.. of a real friend? God dammit i need help.