Before 2010, Kumar's Diagram translated by me

So, as far as I can decipher the diagram above which Mr. Kumar, our lecturer has drawn which I am now going to explain the scenario he has vaguely given.

It seems the offeror, let us call him Mr. A, posted an offer letter to sell a good to the offeree, Mr. B on the 10^th of a certain month. Mr. B received the letter of offer two days later which 12^th of the same month. On the next day, Mr. B at first agreed on the terms in the offer letter and posted an acceptance letter to Mr. A which is the 13^th of the same month. Prior the letter of acceptance being received by Mr. A which is only the next day, 14^th of the same month, Mr. B decided to reject his previous acceptance on the offer, hence, Mr. B used another means of communication that is faster than the postage of the letter to contact Mr. A of not accepting any letter he was going to receive and told him he wants to reject the offer and cancel the letter of acceptance.

So, the question is now, in this scenario, is there a contract made between Mr. A and Mr. B or has the the offer been rejected? Give your opinions on this matter with supporting principles, cases and other relevant legislation on your answer.

Real blog post later around after midnight.

Colbie Caillat - Fallin’ For You

Almost, exactly, related, to what i'm thinking right now.

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better
I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me
I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you (x2)
I’m fallin’ for you
Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh I’m fallin’ for you

I just can't say who it is, i cant tell her but i want to, i'm too afraid to take first step, it'll either be a trap i'll fall and hurt myself badly or enter into heaven. Ughhh i hate that this feeling comes back from time to time. I just want to have it easy but it's always hard to tell what she thinks about me, hard to ask if we can be more than friends, hard to show that side of me that i always wanted you to see. Sigh, i think i'm stuck with being single for a long time. Hope it ends soon.

Journey to memory lane, literally.

Some really personal boring thoughts about my Christmas. Read all you like and ignore such issues as you see me later.

25th December 09

First time fetched people around KL, i was worried about my driving and navigation skills since it was also my first time driving from home to Subang, sorry for the rough rides and mishaps along the journey, but have to give thanks to Marcus for making my life easier with his help directing me on the road and helping me sending Debbie and MQ back home, really appreciated it.

First time went back home around midnight from KL, after sending back Kean Hoe, i was alone on my final journey back to home sweet home. Suprisingly, not as scared or worried about it but it keeps my mind filled with thoughts.

Dead tired when i was back, although the open house was fun and special, i was hoping i could let out some thoughts to a suitable person that would lend his/her ear for me to just say something but sadly, still not anytime soon; guys were talking serious or jokes, nothing i can't enjoy but i think i'm more of a guy that likes to hear or talk about gossips. Not lying but at that time i was more interested on what the girls were talking about in Geraldine's room, and interested in a place that has electronic fans. Well, i didn't have the chance that night so again, i'll just write it over here again, since i'm not great with words and all that being shy crap excuses i give to myself.

When i go around places, either just passing by or having some business over there, i get reminded about the friends living there or there was this one time we spent time together at that place. And while passing by this kind of places, i'll get all nostalgic, heh. It's a wonderful feeling that my friends seems to be in all places wherever i go. How should i put it... let's see... I feel that, sometimes just by telling or doing something about and at places respectively, it leaves behind fragments that reminds me back about certain friends.

Feel as if though i was never truly alone when i drove back home this midnight. I carry part of them in my heart as i went pass familiar places so i guess, superficially, my friends had given me strength through this silly thing i believe even if they didn't mean to. Nice qoute from Kean Hoe today, "Well, being tired is said to be a good sign of you're living up a life, would you rather be relaxed all the time and do nothing?" Totally agreed on it, what's so bad about being tired when the reason for it is to help others and yourself in life?

Really tired now, but, great that the reason was you. So thanks again anyways. Wishin a marvellous new year.

Christmas EEEeeeeEEeeevah

I think it's the same last year, i didn't celebrate Christmas Eve but on the day itself, that couldn't be avoided; though this year i chose not to. Seems kinda selfish but i have my reasons, first one being to spent it with my parents even though they do not celebrate it. Home was pretty much empty since all my brothers are out partying, leaving me with my parents only.

I could have went out with my old friends this night, but things have changed, i have changed and realised there's not much joy in meeting them back, their faces look rather unfamiliar; I used to enjoy the time where i could just listen to their conversations and could care less about responding but not anymore, i felt left out. I could say i miss less of them now than i was before. I hate this change, i missed the past 'me' which i could be happy with even simple greetings to me. Now it feels like 'since we are friends in the past, we should always be in contact with each other' kinda thing.

I'm scared, that this would happen to the friends i have now, i'm afraid of losing more because it feels really regreful to feel, simply empty for a good friend i once have. I'm worried even though i am more than ever to stay true friends with them all for as long as i live, but the thoughts won't be the same for the others. Eventually, it comes to my understanding that i'm still insecure with my social life; i worry too much about feelings and thoughts. Sometime it's a good thing, sometime its really a bad thing.

Fortunately, i have a blog to write it all down, remind me all of it when i have lost my way. I just have to keep holding on, keep reminding myself the good times, continue to improve myself for others, continue to be in contact. I just have to really store it in my heart, everything, from detailed personalities to the most memorable and important times we had.

Now, again, i still question myself, what is true friendship? Will it ever exist to the very purest core of it's meaning?

Dancin, it's in all of us, you just have to give your body a moment of freedom

21st December 2009

Probably the last day i'll be using for myself, only woke up in the afternoon though. Home there was just myself and my third elder brother, Boon Liang, but he's quite a pig; sleeps until late in the evening. Haven't been practice dancing enough recently so i think i spent 3 or 4 hours just practising and freestyling. Managed to enjoy myself with just randomly dancing, just makes me feel free from responsibility and those stressful times.

Hah, i can't really remember the time when i first got interested before eventually self taught myself popping; since i was a child, i'd probably just randomly dance when i watched people dancing in MVs, in my mind, it maybe was i wanted to just have fun with music by moving my body to the rhythm. From Michael Jackson to Backstreet Boys to random classical, rap and hip hop music, i mimicked them all, which probably explains i like a variety of genres from jazz to techno.

Until around Standard 6, one particular move caught my attention for the rest of my life onwards was strangely though, a video that showed the arm-waving move made me really wanted to know how it was done. As silly as it is true though, i took the next 3 or 4 years just learning that and probably, just the right arm, with no instructions from anywhere what so ever. Till the time i finally started to browse the internet, i think my made my right arm all looked liquid-like when i do the move, which literally, took 3 or 4 years. At that time i didn't know the move was from a larger categorized dance type called 'Popping' and it's sub-categorized in "Animation". Later, because i followed a random tutorial downloaded from the internet, i was learning breakdance too as the video contained both of popping and break dancing, but after a few attempts, breaking wasn't really cut out for me.

It's only then in Form 5 i realized what i have been doing for the past 4 years was actually just one part of the dance called popping from one of my friends. Hence with the power of internet and youtube, you don't know how excited and motivated i was when i saw these 'popping' videos; people were 'hitting', doing 'robots', doing all kinds of illusion with their body that will blow your mind. After that time, i think i used the PJPK classes for practicing, with a bunch of others too but they were self practising break dancing.

Nobody was really interested in popping i guess, the name's not well known but the moves were famous all around the world. I think break dancing probably over-shadowed this kind of dancing, people are more interested and more attracted to moves like head spins and windmills that people will be more familiar with. But as time passes, the one's which practised breaking, same people that motivated me, their convictions dwindling one by one until i'm the only one left still held his ground. I practice on my own, either at home or at break times during school, yes, since i don't go for lunch at school, i used those small remaining times on practice, on a side note it's also because i'm shy. And of course, my family at first, did not like the fact i'm wasting my time on this when i can't really improve much by myself and don't have the spare time to go for classes. Was i angry? Of course, but i still practiced every now and then.

SPM, i probably stopped for 4 months before it began, it was hard to go back on practising later, somehow it probably weakened my will and conviction. Life was dull without dancing, other than dancing, i can't really find excitement from other activities that can feel up the void. Until one day, i stepped into the world of internet again and again, motivated myself to try one last time. Ever since then, i've been practicing two or three times a month, 30 minutes to 3 hours a day, with small practices during classes, hang outs, trips, any given opportunity to just practice, practice and practice some more.

Other than guitar playing, drawing, filming, singing, writing and all the other activities; i think dancing could be the one and only hobby that will stay with me forever, it's just literally part of who i am and through dancing, i express a part of myself through music. To show that compassion for it, whether it's going to be good or bad, i've decided to perform for the next year's prom, with help from Junior of course. Even though he's a B-Boy, if i have never met him, i probably wouldn't continue to practice popping as much as i can. I thank him for supporting me and giving me hope in what we both like to do.

Faye Wong - Eyes on me

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

Sufficient time?

I just have to post something, hah. When there's no class it feels like a week has passed by so actually i haven't been blogging for quite some time. But there's still gonna be quite a lot to keep me busy this week, especially when i have Christmas to celebrate and my brother's wedding ceremony to busy with, yes, my eldest brother, Kah Leong is going to marry my soon to be sister-in-law, Sim right after Christmas and of course i have been assigned with a few important tasks and that would be as the cameraman for their wedding. It would mean i have to responsible for recording their once in a lifetime event so i would guess i will have to do my best not to let them down.

Also with shoppings and hang outs, i still managed to find myself time to work on the prom night video, since it was quite a lenghty one, it took me probably 10 hours to make it, my longest yet in producing an episode, i wonder how long it would take for me to finish the Melacca trip vids, i think producing that one can amount to an hour long video. Hopefully i would have sufficient time on that.

To think i do this for free, hahah but given the quality, i guess it should be, though the returns i get is the satisfaction i get from the process and the completion of it. Heh, for most people, it's homesick but for me i'm 'friendsick'. But sometimes, i just wonder what the others think of me when i spent almost half a day just in front a computer, repeatedly watching the unprocessed videos, compiling the videos, editting the video, previewing the video and then finally again checking the video one last time. Many times i put my shoes onto someone else, thinking about how the majority of people will think of me. So i would say, i'm pretty much a weirdo from another person's point of view. Well, why do i even bother? I'm just speculating stuffs again, but if it was some one i cared, how would i feel when that person thinks of me like that, i find it hard to leave myself with no doubt when i encounter this dilemmas.

It's hard not to be able to read a person's mind, you'll never know how a person feels when you do something or when they do. You'll just have what all of us have, believe. Believe in their words and actions, why else should you trust unless they are not who you loved and cared?

Life's not complicated, we are.

Thinking back now, i think i was never ready for a relationship and now surprisingly, don't want to have one. But anything can happen even though i'm still not ready, love is, unpredictable. Even though i have been avoiding love for year but who knows? Maybe the next month, "Bam!" you suddenly got yourself a girl you love. Well either it happens or not, it's no big deal, if i'm still single, it just means the time hasn't come, if i'm not, it means i'm ready to take on a relationship, either it ends with a happy or sad ending, it's gonna help me mature in life anyways.

Still, being single is nerve breaking, watching the series "How I Met Your Mother" made me think how is she going to be like, when would i meet her, how would i spent the rest of my time with her. I sound like a complete loser but hey, i don't really care if i never had a girlfriend, that's just me. Honestly, though, i've always been myself and have changed little to none when it comes to socializing with people, i always waited for people, never taking the first approach; what are my chances? I call people nerds, geeks, emo, lala, but i'm one of each myself. What's my future? A 40 year old virgin? Most likely i guess. I change myself too slow, by the time i'm done changing, it's already too late.

I feel old, happy and high on nothing.

Feeling particularly good today, not sure why but feeling high too right now. Maybe it's because i'm getting better, the flu ain't much of a bother to me. Had a good 'time' in 'Time' Square, hahah i sung in the karaoke with some of the college pals, Junior, Elaine, Nicole, Ah B, Michele and May Jean although originally we were suppose to watch some movie.

Too bad most of the other's couldn't go. Delays, excuses, problems, things can't just go your way but you just have to cope with it. There's always next time, we just have to hold on to that thought no matter what until that 'next time' comes.

I feel like an old man on drugs, hahah. Remembering the past like it happened several decades, seriously though, i read through some my college-friend-blogs again, yes i'm random as hell but this time i start reading only when their college life starts, truthfully though, it's a bit more interesting to read things that can relate to myself even more when we write about things we know and are able to understand most of it.

Mostly because when i try to remember how i met you all the first time, i find hard as it feels like, we always have been friends, that it has been always like that and after spending time together, i always ask myself, why wasn't it earlier. Partly regretful but what's important is it happened i guess; it is already a miracle we managed to meet each other in this world filled with millions and millions of people.

Though from the blogs, can't believe it's only been a few months i started to be someone related in their lives much more later, so i would like to dedicate this post onto some of the times how i met them college dudes and dudettes. Before you read though, i just want to ask if you would like to do the same with me too. Maybe we can piece all of it together as "How each of us began and finally became one". For me it would be a great idea to remember how this little group of our's grew even though at the end we had to be separated.

My part of the story only started on June, so i pretty much don't know what happened before i guess.

----------------------------

Junior, Marcus & Kean Hoe

----------------------------

Credits to Ramon, although we do not meet each other now as much as before i have to be grateful of introducing the three most incredible friends i have ever met.

I would say around the few last classes English Language in college, around mid June i think, the lecturer wasn't as strict as before so i had alot of free time loitering in class. At that time, i can clearly remember what caught my attention by Junior was because he and a few others were talking about NS stuff which was hilarious at that time. While they were at it, Marcus sorta joined in the conversation while i just kept laughing crazily. I think Kean Hoe was there too, probably all of us were made together when Junior drew our attention.

It was later then at that time, Junior and Keanhoe rode the same train back to our homes that we started talking i guess, mostly when the train gets delayed, we would talk to for quite a while, sometimes we would even decide to just stay back and eat a nearby restaurant.

After that it was a rapid growth of friendship between Junior & Kean Hoe, truth be told, i think much more later then i had really spoken with Marcus, before that was probably just some casual talks but it's still great afterwards. Well probably after it was like a puzzle i guess, you some of this people, she knows some of this people, he knows some of this people and after that the puzzle was solved to make a picture whole again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May Jean, Lee Tat, Kimberley, See Wei, Jo Ann, Mei Quin,

Thomas, Andrew, Winnie, Stan, Ah J, Ah B

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

July, I guess i started late, hah. The group was already started form without much notice it was a group. I would say i came to know them in a sequence i guess but mostly it's when i had been invited into events like See Wei's birthday celebration at Gasoline Time Square. First it was May Jean and Lee Tat, both met through Junior after that, Kimberley, it was through Lee Tat i guess since from memory, both of them sat together most of the time and when i talked to Lee Tat casually.

I can't really remember how i introduced myself to people, honestly it seems i didn't because we knew each other through third parties, you told her my name while you told me her's and then we just start calling each others name as if we knew each other for some time, hah. Jo Ann i think was the person i, myself talked to know her better, i think i remember introducing myself to her and had some conversations i guess. And through her and Junior i got to know See Wei better although at that time she was a bit at the cold side.

I think from that time onwards i started to take pictures and videos of our little growing group,Andrew was an exception i guess, he was randomly saying hello to all the others so i think we knew each other by that way. And i think through Marcus, i met Andrew,Thomas, Winnie and Mei Quin during class times while Stan was always sitting with Mei Quin at that time... hmmm well anyways, Ah J & Ah B, met through Lee Tat, well, they are all JB males, hahah just kidding, you all are great.

Well all i can say is, the group was formed by July, proven with a picture.

A beginning til the end

Hahah, don't know but... am i emphasizing to much? Seems a little over but if it weren't true for me, why would i even care to write it about it?

In time, other's slowly came into the picture too, Michele, Ethel, Nicole, Elaine, Chew Teng and all the others if i have not mentioned. The classes, the trips, the hang outs, the randomness, it certainly made me realize my life was worth much more than just education and love, you all helped me how to truly live my life. And again, i dedicate this post, to you all and thanks, for everything.

Sick, tired, bored, what to do? Tell crushes lorh.

It's time of the month again, where i spout random but REALLY personal stuffs to people i know and complete strangers. What can i say? How would i start my holidays? If not with a post that seriously might affect views towards me or just continue to hide things to myself for the rest of my life.

Anyone who actually shows concerns to my health(if there is) i would like to say i appreciate it and tell you that i'm getting a bit better, albeit the cough still stayed with me. This flu annoyed the hell out of me yesterday but i guess that's what you get when you wished for it , hahah.

But enough about that, i'm not gonna talk random stuff about today or about this week; it's gonna be about the other side of me which most people will hide it even though it may be clear as daylight to others. So anyone reading this, it's going to look real personal and sensitive but speculate at your own right, i have no control over what you believe but if it seems possible that it directly relates to you, then maybe it is so.

--------

Ok first things first, define - My crushes. Usually for me, it's just some sort of feelings and interests that attracts me towards a girl i like. I'd would say this is not love, just that it is my urge and loneliness sometimes gets the best of me. Well, can't really say sometimes since probably i spent every leftover nights thinking about this, things like this can't be completely withhold, even a thought of it brings back painful times. But, as i grew, crushes just gets less and less hurtful, not sure how but maybe because a lot of things happened in the college; a lot of knowledge other than from my study were obtained through friends i guess, made me understood how naive i was before.

I had a few of them throughout my life. First crush was in primary school, I think i was just really immature that time, right now i wouldn't call it a crush, just me being stupid. That was three years before secondary school i think but from 13 to 15 years old; i was just not in the right mind cause, well things like laziness, ignorant, irresponsible, ill-tempered ...you name it. That time I was not the person as i am now but i do regret it, wasted too much time over myself needs where i could have been more. This period of time can be considered both joyful yet suffering; I do not suffer from study but from this crushes, if my heart could not be calmed, how can my mind stayed focus on what's important?

I think i've wrote this before, where i told Form 5 was the time struggled the most because this single woman, whom i think i had truly fallen for her that time. Around mid times of 2008, my feelings grew for her but i put my studies as my first priority. I did not think it would hurt but as time past it really does, and it was far more painful than i imagined even though not physically, i felt my heart pierced every time i gave thought to it, and every time i have to ignore it's effects. Fortunately i've gotten through SPM swiftly as i managed to put aside my feelings at the very last few months but that didn't stop the feelings coming back to me. I guess what lessened the pain was, time away from her, i occupied myself with family during the holidays, to forget her during those three months before my college life started. At those times, i kept asking myself why i can't get my mind off of her? why do i torture myself for so long? The shameful of it all, is that i had no guts to tell her that i loved her. To this day, i still wonder if it truly was love that i felt at all.

College life, i can't say much but other than i had focused only on my studies, the first three months felt meaningless. Crushes? Hmmph like i cared about that when my social life between my secondary school friends were about to crumble, though of course, there are times i took some interests over some of the girls, they are nothing but just my signs of loneliness. I guess since what had happened during Form 5, hardened my heart, hah, maybe i should be grateful for it.

So how about after that three months? After befriending all of that great people, did i had crushes then?

Well, the truth, the dirty truth, i have to tell is... yes. However, it was just one and it didn't last long, about 2 or 3 months only. After that there were reasons to back me up why i made the right choice before it was too late which were direct and indirect. First it would be her concept about friends that truly saddens me and the way she uses them, either she's just ignorant or intentional of it, continuing to be friends was already a nuisance to me. Her personality was also a bit twisted, i can't helped to say that she acts too innocently, too spontaneous, to the point of falseness or pretentiousness resides in my mind. All i can say is, she's probably just gonna be one of those hai-bye friends for me, to be able to tolerate a friend who used me before, i can't do that, not when all i am doing is tolerating; acting in front of the person, it doesn't feel right for me or for the person.

One?? That couldn't be true, what about afterwards? There must be more right? RIGHT???

.....seriously? no i don't think i dwell in much about this matter, since this recent times i find myself, having friends are more important than chasing fantasies while reality holds you back. Buuuuut i guess i still have a thing or two about this girl in college, though i thread more lightly now as to not fall into meaningless traps; i know not much about this girl but enough to attract my attention. So not much i can tell but seems like its gonna be one of those random crushes i had in the past, so i think, it won't last long when it has been a while i haven't seen or contacted her.

WHO? WHOOO? WHOOOOO??????

Well now why would i say it? It wouldn't be fun imagining you all figuring it out then, no?

I guess i can give you a small small small hint, her name contains, the letter, E, whole lot of possibilities, eh? And now i wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, enjoy your holidays~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It didn't start at 2009.

I'm quite weak actually, both mind and body, so i might as retire myself from normal random posts, but then i went to my old blog and had a look around, yes i started blogging two years ago, although not a frequent blogger, i did post a lot of things like stories and poems each passing month around late 2007 and 2008. Anyone interested, click "here" to have a look if you want.

Here's the first post made when i just started Form 5, a little fact about the past and the way i used to think and believe. Some things certainly changed a lot while some stayed with me. Heh, a lot can happen in just two years i guess.

Jikan no Nagare(Flow of Time)

Every passing year, everything I did before becomes a past, a memory. Some things that I will just forget in time and some moments that I will cherish for the most of my lifetime, 'From my first educations in kinder garden to the ends of knowledge that I will eventually grasp upon' was what I was thinking when my fifth-year studying in middle school approached. I had already begun to think it was an inevitable thing we humans commonly do in this forsaken world we live after only ten years of knowledge and experience that were obtained have passed.

From the first-year of middle school I was placed in the 7th class that time, it was not surprising as I somehow lost the way and will of studying. It could be caused by my family problems, influenced by friends, or maybe I just gave up of living at that time. 'Only time will tell' as the saying goes, I took another go in life only after two years have passed, only when I learned and accepted the way of the reality in this world works. I started studying harder, slowly but with progression which is considered amusing to me for I only remember disobedience, stubbornness, and clueless childhood memories of mine in the past. Now I am studying in the second class of science which was my first aim at middle school. People normally say it was because of the strong mind of mine, I say it was just because I 'figured out the answer for the question', what was the most obvious purpose in this world? It was simple; to live as any average human would, no more or any less.

I decided the only thing I could do now was to study, harder or not it didn't matter, what was important was if I have made any progress at all. 'Life is not complex, humans are.' we think too many thoughts, we get complicated about things and such. When I thought about it, life is simple in its ways; why do I always get worked up when I did not do my homework well, why do I worry silly things like how should I display myself to the public, or why important examinations or tests makes me nervous? To say the truth, those were just a thing of my past, now I only do those things as a necessity to fit in around people. I felt I was just pretending to be normal but deep down, heck, I don't even feel scared of the coming SPM no matter what the end results were. I thought "Well, yeah, what happens to me if I fail or not? Sure I might get a miserable and hard-working life from the actions I take but what really matters?". 'To fight is to continue, to hope is to dream, to live is to suffer, to die is to forget', I had reached this far and will continue to strife further and succeed my goal even if it is to suffer but eventually I will soon forget it.

Living happily ever after, was something anyone would wish for but did any of it come true? Nothing in this world is perfect as it is meant to be that way, including me and any other living beings but imperfection of one can considered to be as perfect. After four years of middle school have passed and now probably the last year of it, will soon too, become a distant memory. However, for now I'll just flow with the sands of time and hope for more answers of this world I exist in to be found.

Glen Hansard - Lies

I think it's time, we give it up
And figure out what's stopping us
From breathing easy, and talking straight
The way is clear if you're ready now
The volunteer is slowing down
And taking time to save himself

The little cracks they escalated
And before we knew it was too late
For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you slowed down for me
I could see you're only telling
Lies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with your
Lies, lies, lies
When will you learn

The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you'd slowed down for me
I could see you're only telling
Lies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with your
Lies, lies, lies
When will you learn

So plant the thought and watch it grow
Wind it up and let it go

Sick, again.

Can't believe this is the second time in this month i'm getting flu-like symptoms again. Well blame myself for not drinking proper amount of those liquid.

Probably just the seasonal flu, almost everybody i know is having flu, some of my friends and even my mum caught the illness. No matter how strong the immune system i have, it is inevitable when so many people around you are getting sick.

Hah, call it irony or fate, i think i wished for it myself, feeling bad for people around me suffering while i do not. Believing the way of "When there's joy, share it with others; when there's trouble, go down with it together." Having fun by yourself where nobody is able to join you? Or go through hard times with people important? I guess subconsciously my heart just doesn't want to be left out.

Alone at home this Saturday night, a rather boring time spent but used it to browse through edited or original videos. Why? The reason is simple as "I' bored" but that's probably too light of an explanation. I guess my life works in both ways, When i'm with my friends, i think about family but when i'm with my family, i think about my friends. Silly, eh? I can't really answer the next 'why' because i'm confused myself.

I find myself either laughing or smiling in front a screen while I watch videos or pictures of friends and family. Past memories stored in this digital state, they are either bring joy to me or touched my heart. After that i probably stare blankly and imagined how it was like back then in my mind. Silly but that's how it's like for me. Even now as i type out the words, to express this feelings in words i reminisce it. The time we spent celebrating See Wei's birthday, the time we spent watching Transformer, the time we spent in karaokes but most of the time, we spent it in class, together.

Hahahahah, i think, i'm just being overeactive and maybe it's just the flu. Anyways, just shouting out random thoughts and feelings, peace out.

Previous personality before college life.

Jake took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! ""Feels he is in a hopeless situation, which causes..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Looks like my previous emo lifestyle, true, true. So technically my mind hasn't change much except for my heart.

Take a rest for the day, rejuvenates the mind and body for a week.

Warning: Another long post, a double topic post, read when you are not sleepy or have enough time to waste here.

Yep, no college, no shoppings, no hangouts for the day just staying at home and do what ever that doesn't ticks me or annoys me. Feels great to do nothing once in a while, hahah.

Seriously though, i really need to adjust my time spent between family and friends and lately it's mostly friends i met more often than my own family members. Yesterday's day light had been spent entirely on college and friends, after going back home, i'm already dead tired but still muster some of the strength left in me to go watch a movie (Rain was ....hotness?) with my siblings, mum and dad were already sleeping, hurts my heart.

In truth though, even though times were fun when going out with friends, i still find myself thinking about my family, wondering what and how they are doing without me. This feelings are probably even more deeper and complex for people that don't have their loved ones in a reachable distance to visit each other conveniently or something even more complicated. It must have been hard for them with just having friends to try fill the void left in them.

My friendship issue, it was sorta the first dilemma i posted at the very beginning of my blog, asking myself, what a friend is all about. Oh, how much has changed throughout my way of thinking of a friend. Since secondary school, i have learned many things about having friends, friends are a way achieve a similar goal by helping each other, playing together, studying together, going through dark times together, chat crap together, eat crap together.

The simple parts of friendship can go on forever with me but nonetheless, the recent one's i learnt are always blurry to give one way conclusion for it which practically depends entire on who your friend is. Such as, reliability between friends, level of friendship between each other but most certainly confusing to some point for me, the trust between friends. So far, there's no absolute answer for it, too subjective; If you trust too much, you will be used but if you don't trust at all, how can friendship exists? Then lastly, i thought the answer would be 'just trust enough' but then again, is there really true friendship on such mild trust between friends?

Reality doesn't really let me have much of options. However. What ever that has happened recently in my college life, i realized, i should still put all my trust in friends first but after that, i should just be flexible and adjust but only when it is necessary; only when things are clear as day that the friends you knew, mean to use you, to hurt you, to plot against you or never considered you as friend, . Let's put it in one phrase to conclude this,

'if i don't put my full trust to friends, how can we become true friends?'

After reading a couple of blogs, in my mind, i have always wonder and asked to myself about the ones that wrote daily lives continuously; why do you do so? Is it because you wanted to tell the readers your daily routines? If yes then do you find the events happening to you or around you rather quite interesting? If yes, to who? You or the readers?

If the answer was 'no' for the second question then it doesn't really matter how you blog because well, for me, I don't really care who wants to read it but i just naturally emphasize or detailing more about certain matters. When i look at most daily life happenings written in blogs, they usually just write about 'what', and probably just skim through deeper things like, "how" and "why".

I wouldn't say that they have weak use of the language but more towards to having privacy; not all of us are ready to let out what we truly think. Even if the feelings are just happy or sad they won't talk more in-depth into it. A quote from my contract lecturer said to the class yesterday may vividly relate to this matter, don't ask me how i managed to memorize and understand what he had said, let's just he talked about that, it was interesting and some how relates to the current situation we are all in. If you don't like reading philosophies and understanding a bit more of the world, then ignore the following quote.

"Going up stages to do something one has never done before in front of a crowd, one can be said to have his or her fear at the peak of the level. This fear is defined as peer pressure as what ever you do on the stage, you will be judge by your own peers. It exists because you were with the mud all the time and by mud, i mean your peers, you just want to fit in and not be considered different. That is why most people form groups, because they don't want to feel left out in the society and continue to stay in the mud. People that manages to understand staying in the mud will only make them continue to struggle in order to fit in society, will then let themselves be filtered from this mud, will be able to stand above them. That is why, most people will rather follow others, then to lead themselves."

Well, other people's blogs are still theirs, they have all the right to write how ever they like, all i can do is to bring out my own opinions. But, if the answer for the second question is 'yes', then i probably will advise you to look from the reader's perspective, would they find what you have written, appealing to them? Note that even though your believe is that what you written could be really interesting in some way, the question is, are you able to express that in words and let readers some how agree and feel the same way as you are? I can't exactly say what you should do because the possibilities are wide, not all readers have the same interests.

New hat, Merry Christmas everyone ^^

6th December 09'

Woke up right in the afternoon, can't believe yesterday i went to a cyber cafe in Kepong to play with my bros, at midnight darn it, hah, sometimes i just can't believe the ridiculous randomness of my big brother can have. We played until around 3 o' clock in the morning and only then we had back for home in Rawang. Well, although part of didn't want to go but then again, why not? I haven't been spending much time with him, might as well go with him as he had wished.

Anyways, was thinking of studying for the day but found myself wasting time on the pc until late in the evening and my whole family decided to go KL for dinner, yeah random, afterwards went to Time Square to walk around but that day, hats caught my attention, hah, my bros and I were like scavenging for the cheapest and nice hat for me and finally one that's not too pricy and not too shabby. Maybe that time i was REALLY overjoyed i guess, immediately wore the hat, hah.

man... i think i'm too gay that night.

My bro, Max, adoring me LOL

I guess Christmas presents came early for me, hahah. Definitely a good good night~~~ for me. I guess i just haven't been with my family as often i think i guess, it's always fun having brothers this random. Then again i always think at the last moment that we can't be together forever, sooner or later all of us will have our own family to care for. So, enjoy and cherish every moment we spend our times with our family, because you won't have much later in the future.

The little things in life (Not Kim's blog larhh)

*Ahem* as i am writing, the title doesn't really have any connection with Kim's blog. Please continue reading with no suspicion present in your mind.

4th - 5th December 09'

Didn't go for maths class on Friday, a simple yet practical reason, screw maths i don't want to stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours, luckily my brother warned me that along the path i'm gonna be completely slowed due to accidents and rainfall on that day. Turned back home from highway immediately and thankfully rest at home.

Too bad my Friday at home wasn't exciting, more towards boring and wasteful, probably spent the whole day playing a PC game until i went out with my parents to buy some grocery. When i came back home i stopped playing and start working on the next episode until late at night.

Making them videos is quite fun actually, feels like i had used my time a bit more productively, although the editing process takes a quarter of my day, not really stressful if anyone's wondering but surely satisfying, watching the videos is like looking back the past memories we had together, with my naked eyes. Editing them required me to listen to voices even more carefully, look through every features clearly and understand what they are feeling at that moment of time, again and again.

I'd often pause every now and then in the process, to just remind myself and reminisce the memories, more often i realize there are some of the past i did not manage to capture in pictures nor videos which sometimes, are saddening. It would have been great to go back and just observe back the past.

Went to a pc fair the very next day, prepared myself fully in the morning, thought i bring my cam for the trip since i heard some of my friends were working there, take a few pics and vids i thought. But i guess luck wasn't on my side, looked for them but they weren't there and it was because of the timely break for them, what a coincidence. Though mainly i went there because i wanted to meet some friends i haven't seen for quite a while, i guess another reason would be to spend some time with my brothers. So i still took some pictures and small clips around there, some from Pavillion as i went there after going through the pc fair.

Overall not a bad Friday or Saturday, get to do what i like, get to see some nice looking girls(can't hide that, hah) around KL. I guess i enjoy and want to remember the little things in life, so i capture them in random pictures and videos, doing whatever little activities with the people i love. For me, those little things probably feel up more of my time than those bigger events or trips i go for, too bad not many people realize this and forget much of it, thus thinking their lives are not as cheerful as they wanted it to be.

May you all cherish what ever you do with all the people around you that is important for yourself and consider you to be important to them as well.

What can i say, substitute lecturers suck.

3rd December 09'

Today, not quite my day, mostly because of the traffic, adding up with my eyes really irritated for no reason and finally the so called 'lecturer' who was temporarily in charge of teaching tort.

Well, i think all schools, colleges or universities always have those boring & lame lecturers but i can say this particular one is even worse, after the first half of the class i can already see he's not serious about teaching us, doesn't exactly know what he's suppose to be teaching and practically doesn't know that he's jokes and questions are really lame and pointless. Seriously, i listened to what he's saying and all i think he's doing is just stalling time until the real lecturer comes back, damn, there goes a month's time wasted on temporary crap.

Thank god i have companies, if not i probably died of boredom and stress from the guy and from the traffic. It sorta soothed my mind after just hanging out with them when class was over, despite afterwards a long and boring journey back to my home. Had to experience traffic jams first hand and taste its bitter effects of slowness.

Just randomly chatting and passing time with friends, is cool and fun. Always a better choice than doing things alone when i can do much more with others.

---------------------------------------

Well let's just hope i can read and understand them myself, would still go on Thursdays but NOT for the classes but for tort, hahah.

This post was random.

Anything for me to go in depth? hmmmm.. not much, classes started; from time to time, friends are met and friends are missed. Have been busy all week whenever i step out of home, should spend more time to rest and relax but seems like i busy myself with things more often i than would notice, nevertheless it makes me think about home more than usual, always reminding myself it's the most safest and relaxing place i can be.

I just hope this Christmas would be great, i haven't been told any plans yet from my secondary school friends yet, last year it was celebrated at my home and was my idea, though there's still some plans from my family around that time, dunno if most of my college mates would be free that time, everyone seems to be busy at Christmas, almost impossible to celebrate it with everyone at that day. Well, i still have that jolly spirit and i'm hoping things will work out sooner or later.

I haven't been doing this for a long time.

Been reading blogs and i noticed mine haven't been quite 'normal' recently, seeing that in the past, i usually write what happens throughout most of my days so why not give it a try again although the reason i stopped doing it because it feels rather empty; void of feelings in it as it is just daily event of my life. Well, maybe it's just because i'm being thorough with my daily life so maybe i should summarize a bit of what happened this few days ago, or not hahah there's just too many things to write about.

Wednesday, 24th to 30th of November 2009

After the awesome Melacca Trip from Sunday to Monday, on the road back with Marcus, Junior, Kean Hoe, Kim, Lee Tat & Elaine was still great even though usually the last day would be the most tiring one. We sang Gatsby throughout the trip, annoying the hell out of Elaine(sorry arh lol) since, well she only joined our little group just recently and can't really the randomness that quick but she's doing quite fine as a 'random' apprentice, hahah.

Back at KL, It was not long before we part ways with the other cars and Lee Tat & Junior since most of them went back to their homes themselves. Although, what was left of us were seemingly or really tired, on the contrary, we went to Mid-Valley to watch movies. Crazy but still randomly good. Got the OK from family and Marcus and Kim watched Time Traveller's Wife while Kean Hoe, Elaine and I went to watch Christmas Carol. Ate our dinner first at the crappy food court there and of to the cinema. The movie, although i've known the story since i was a child, it was still a wonderful movie to me, it filled me with Christmas spirits, it made a jolly good mood out of me, hah. Probably both can be for the other twos, they seemed content with the movie as well as Marcus and Kim enjoyed the other one.

When Marcus was sending them back to each of their home, although nearing fatigue, made me feel as if it was the last farewell to them. The memories of being together in college and all those times seems quite distant; almost feels like they had been there for years. I could say that this might mean the memories are deeply engraved into my mind and soul, saying this words seems too exaggerating but that's technically how i feel about the memories now since so much have changed.

I was back at my apartment, i probably took 15 or 20 minutes just to embrace again what has happened within just 4 days of outing with my friends. It probably changed myself alot of things but not much on my personality and mind, most of it would be changes of my heart and soul.

The very next morning i quickly went back to my hometown to go with my friends back there since it's been a long time i haven't seen them though only some of them went to KL to sing karaoke and watch movie. The karaoke was good but probably better if all of them would join in. The movie was Christmas Carol, yes i watched it again but now it's the 3D version and i would watch it since it's still great to me. Not much afterwards since we all went back early. Things certainly change on their of side of their story, can't really hang out with them as i would usually have, why? i'm not that sure myself.

Maths class the very next day, went there and probably the first half of the class was very blur because i haven't really had a good amount of rest since the trip started and all. Still wasn't in the study mood i guess.

Friday, not much to say but stayed at home doing all sorts of stuffs like dancing, playing guitar, doing chores and just facebooking. Oh, and making the 14th episode of the "What's Happening" series. Pretty much a normal day at home which i haven't had for quite a long time considering all that has happened.

On Saturday, i was supposedly to go for one of secondary school friend, Shin Jiet's birthday at Station 1 but i suddenly caught a cold and was down in the bed until next morning. Something important i missed, was a bigger gathering but fate was in the way.

Went for 'jogging' near Marcus' home with the others Junior, Kean Hoe and his cousin Yee Ming. First time fetched people from that far to there with me driving, first time myself drove around Damansara, hahah. Loads of people at the jogging place, Kean Hoe and his cousin jogged while Junior, Marcus and I walked like uncles, hahah.

Ate breakfast afterwards and went to Marcus' apartment to rest, except for Marcus, all the others were quick asleep after crashing into his sofas, He and I played Warhammer(an awesome tabletop wargame) while we waited for Kim to finish her church to have lunch. Around that time, we sprayed, he painted the small figurines and sometimes the others wake up and surfed the internet. All in all, a nice casual hang out time with friends with no real purpose, hahah.

Hangouts are just that great, no worries just us all wasting time with random jokes, chats and crap. Times like this are just as memorable as any trip.

Finally Monday, pratically another normal day at home with just added boredom and anxiety about doing nothing and tomorrow's class. Days like this just put me alot of thoughts on things, not much to say but it was another day of preparation, for another new journey to begin.

-------------------------------------------------

Why i left out 1st December? Not telling. Let just say, it wasn't my day to talk freely or like about.

feels like the end is near, for blogging

This is my third post in only a day's passing, i don't know, with all the classes starting next few days, i felt that my time of blogging is gonna be less and less frequent and may even stopped all together. I just have that urge to post more while i still have some free time left in me.

Or maybe it's just this flu that's causing me to feel and think weird; i think i fear of not being able to tell the readers anymore about my feelings and happenings as much as i would now. There's too much to talk about but, too little time.

Sigh, too many things are flowing in and out of my mind, if these issues will never be solved, i wish they do not further trouble me in my mind and i would forget it had ever happened. Some things are just made too silly and overly-complicated. Part of me was hurt and saddened when it happened but at the same time, i'm glad it did as i am able to identify the new problems; learn from them and mature from them.

Some times you wouldn't notice what you were doing that MOST of the time was actually wrong until that some one points it out to you or just slap some senses to you.

Sometimes denying that you're wrong MOST of the time when someone says that you are, really just indicates you are just immature minded.

However, we can' really change you no matter what i've stated, it all comes to how stubborn and selfish a person is, such people are deaf to concerned voices. The only way, is to let it happen or never again should we trouble you anymore. It is best we remain static rather than creating more friction with each other, there never really was, a win-win situation, until something happens, someone is either right or we force ourselves to forget such issues had ever occur, to get back our normal lives.

I would agree on the fact that, realizing, understanding and accepting what a person says of what you have done wrong is quite hard to burden and believe it alone. But much more harder when trying to change from it because, its been what you have become for a long time; you get too used on being that and you end up unable to change at all.

As i said before in previous posts, im not matured but in the process of it since i can only try to understand what is my own flaws, yet there are still a lot to understand about myself and others. At least i tried to be helpful to others all the time, but it is not what i'm used to doing since it's all new to me, but i try my best anyways.

About the starting of the next semester, i, felt glad about being able to be at college even if i only had such a short break, i can't imagine how much im gonna miss the express route students afterwards, they probably are feeling the same; College was like a second home for us, almost everyday is spent together in there, it will certainly be lonesome, it will be a weird feeling without the usual people.

I just can't bear the thought of, seperation. My feelings are too dramatic right now, maybe i'm just tired, maybe i'm just getting lonely.

Anyways, although Christmas is still a month's time away, i'm already filled with the spirit, so even though it's still too early, Merry Christmas to all and have a Happy New Year.

Toy Story - You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

When the road looks rough ahead,

And you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed

You just remember what your old pal said,

Boy, you've got a friend in me

Yeah, you've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You got troubles,

and I got them too

There isn't anything

I wouldn't do for you

We stick together, we can see it through

Cause you've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am

Bigger and stronger too

Maybe

but none of them

will ever love you

the way I do

it's me and you, boy

And as the years go by,

Our friendship will never die

You're gonna see it's our destiny

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

You've got a friend in me

Blog Books, should start reading them.

Randomness, phooO~~~.I just realize. That having been bloggin for sometime, all of us bloggers made books of our own, we made so many posts that they could be compiled into books, 'real life' storybooks to be precise.

Well, in my previous posts i've said most blogs don't really have much depth in them, well i think i maybe wrong but still right at the same time. Why? simple, i just haven't read through all of the posts in a blog if not most, i think reading a post is just like reading a page a whole book, no wonder why we would think some blogs are plain boring.

So i guess, i was reading blogs the wrong way, i should be readin them, starting from Day 1. How long will i finish them? Dunno, but it all depends on how much content they have. It's gonna be cool.

Keep moving forward

Note: Another very long post, don't read if you are really sleepy, hahah.

Well, had to be sick so i could finally release myself from daily activities, every single day seems to drain my life ever so much but it ever seems so worth it.

I certainly learned a lot this year, either through myself, being with others or just by observing them. The trip, the prom, the exams, they all thought me things about my life. One thing i can certainly point out is that our lives will always have some hardships, downturns and regrets but as you step a bit backwards and see yourself, all that time you had fun learning and playing or happy because of it, probably exceeds those bad times in your lives, which is why being optimistic; being able to let go of things easily, will most likely make our lives a little bit brighter than usual.

Another thing i learned for sure is as we keep moving on in life, it is inevitable to avoid some changes of yourself or others but that indicates that we're growing although it's still not to the point of maturity; As i realized that although learning and understanding about being a person, i would find it hard to actually apply or getting used to doing the right thing. Like trying to be helpful to others, although i know it is the right way of being a person, i couldn't do more than just helping people open doors or share an umbrella to a person; anything more than that, i would need time to think how it should be done, because i'm just not used to doing stuffs that are new to me.

The prom night and trip to Melacca were practically awesome should i say although there are those little setbacks present from now and then, but still, i find myself forgetting about them when i see happiness in myself and others; enjoying ourselves fully.Every single guy in the prom looked cool and handsome while every lady there looked elegant and beautiful. No, i'm not lying, if you ask me, i would say there were little variations to be compared between them all. Every time spent with all of them is another exciting time and memorable time, it just hurts my heart that i won't be seeing most of them later in time, in truth i was always ignoring the fact about our timely separation, i didn't want to think about it until the very last moment that we could still see each other, if not, i wouldn't be able to enjoy most of my time with them thinking how much i would be missing them afterwards.

Thinking about my friends and how they would treat each other is just heart warming and i'm really grateful to have them, whenever one of us are down with something, we would surely show some concern for him or her immediately without hesitation. It seems to be ridiculous but i think such kindness from them, i would never be able to pay back any time soon. I still wonder when i would truly be able to find the strength to say such words to them personally and not just by writing them down into words, it is shameful i guess.

Change, one of my secondary friends asked me if i could see that they have some how changed, i couldn't be sure after only for a short encounter, yes some things are certainly clear that they have changed but our true selves stays with us, the changes we see in ourselves is just us, growing and moving forward in life as i had said before. The problem is, the change from me is moving myself further away from them, a barrier of difference between them and i was created. I could see that i wasn't the 'me' in my secondary school life because i feel that all of them seemed so foreign to me now or has it been such a long time that i had forgotten about something important that is able to held us together? is that bond truly lost? Whatever it is, i can never turn back now.

After looking at Junior's great performance, i think i have the courage now to prepare myself for the next audition. It has always been my dream to perform on a stage, now i have the time to do so, all i needed was one small push from my friends.

The Melacca trip was the most memorable event with my friends ever in my life, it's really all thanks to Marcus, he planned everything and lead us all the time, words can't say how truly Marcus was burden with such responsibility, i felt guilty that i wasn't able to do much to lessen his stress. He's a true friend that i think we should all respect and trust with our lives.Without him, the trip won't be as much fun or move as smoothly as it had.

Thanks to Marcus(again), Junior, Kean Hoe, Lee Tat, Mei Quin, Kim, Elaine, Michele, Andrew, Nick, Ethel, Soon Guan, Winnie and others for the talks, chit-chat and randomness. You all certainly made me had a wonderful time in college, and made me feel there is a place at your side, thank you.

Truth or Dare, was the thing i was most reluctant to play but i still managed to be only taken two truths for it. To be honest, it was hard for me to answer the questions because i seriously needed time to thought out the words that are gonna come out of my mouth but sadly not much was said although i truly wanted to say it out loud, well, because maybe it might be relieving to actually say it out loud rather than just blogging it here. Another thing i want to say is that the second question, about who i had feelings for among my college friends? I think even though only little was said, much of it blurry truth and lies while i still have a lot more to say about. Quite frankly, i have mixed feelings about it when comparing to just the past few months, before that i think i had feelings for someone in the college and maybe more than just one, but recently i think its just confusion; unable to truly understand these feelings; now i actually don't really care as much as i do in the past. And yes what i said during the questioning was still true because to truly able to be interested in someone, i shouldn't be just having feelings for her, it might just well be my hormones going crazy, so i often try to understand deeper about the person first, get to know her better but that's my problem, i don't really have any guts to do so.

What Junior told me though, "if you just think too much about that girl, you'll probably end up lonely for a long time because you had never even taken the first step." Well, i guess those words holds a lot of truth in it but it certainly confuses the hell out of me too, leaves me thinking hard on what to do about my loveless life. Maybe I just haven't taken the first step, or maybe i just haven't met her yet, who knows, i have been waiting with all my teen life for someone to miraculously to truly be with me but, should i no longer wait for such a fantasy to happen?